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Message: <blockquote data-quote="seasong" data-source="post: 452194" data-attributes="member: 5137">Note: As promised, I'm not pulling any punches, so this one might sting a little. This may only be the "home game", but part of the joy of the game is the adherence to the Iron DM standards. Waylander, this is a good entry, but there was a lot of stuff for me to comment on, and so I did.An entry by Waylander the Slayer: Song of SorrowOverviewThis is not a scenario that can be easily fit into just any old campaign setting. Ravenloft (although surprisingly not mentioned once) seems a near-perfect fit, particularly with the elven undead, corruption of leaders, inability to leave the city, and horrible crimes of passion. Plus, you can always add another domain, where "Khallor, the capital city of the elven kingdom of Aldavir – known as the enlightenment of the world" might not very easily slot into a Greyhawk, FR or Scarred Lands campaign.This is a fairly complex scenario, and would require a lot of DM study to handle properly.Conclusion? I'm interested to see what else Waylander can produce, but this one needs more polish and clarity before it's ready for use. I would also like to see something that more DMs can use in their own campaigns.IngredientsRing of Irony: Unfortunately, Waylander starts his scenario with irony defined at the top, and then proceeds to completely ignore it. I mentioned in an mirthcard's critique that irony is rather difficult to pull off, and I think it failed in this case. Still, except for some prose about Grellak Tharn at the beginning, the ring is a fairly minor element compared to the theme of corruption and passion sprinkled throughout the remainder.Tasty Pudding: Really, this could have been a particularly lovely shade of purple - it was lacking in puddingness that was vital to its presence. Still, the ability to distract the Lorac for 1d4+1 rounds is a nice touch.Wraith w/levels of Bard: Really, this one shone. Janos Tith is a tragic, corrupted, passionate figure who ties the themes of the elven undead and the whole Unmaker vs Song of Creation in delightful fashion. This is an NPC that I, as a DM, could really sink my teeth into.Tree of Knowledge: This was tossed in. Janos Tith is named the Tree of Knowledge, but this really doesn't factor into much other than he knows enough to write the Song of Creation, and there's a plot hook available in the name.Barbarian Rage: I'm not sure how barbarian-like it is, but I really like the idea of an alternately brooding and raging elven vampire lord. The rest of the city being rage-prone is just bonus.A large city: Reasonably well handled. Full points.As usual, we have about 3 of 6 good ingredient uses.CraftmanshipThemes of corruption and passion are well captured throughout the scenario. As I said earlier, this would fit really well in Ravenloft.The history part could have been more clearly written, particularly since some of the names that are dwelt upon are completely absent from the rest of the scenario. Still, it gives the right feel to the DM, which can be important.On the topic of names, Waylander's scenario may require notes. This is because there are a lot of euphonious names bandied about with insufficient linkage. Tolkien was often guilty of the same thing, so this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it does make keeping track of everything more difficult. A one sentence summary of each person at the beginning might have made this easier.We have Grellak Tharn, who forges the Unmaker, and the Northgar tribes he's a part of; Lord Lorac Elaven (a Seuss reference?); the city Khallor, of the kingdom Aldavir; Lady Shiala Elaven; Janos Tith, high bard of the elves; Al'quiar (an elven word for Tree of Knowledge); Liara, goddess of song; Lothaine Marar the chef; and the Flaubere de Lefuber pudding.Finally, a few questions burned themselves in my mind:Why is the ring "also known as the Unmaker", when, to date, only its creator knows what it really is? Why was Lorac, "chosen for his knowledge and wisdom", referring to a barbarian tribe capable of producing the Unmaker as "insignificant"? OriginalityThe scenario is imaginative, and the raging elven undead is particularly original. I also like the idea of destroying a ring with a song - a variant of this entry might have done particularly well with the rousing music ingredient <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />.</blockquote>

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