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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rune" data-source="post: 285611" data-attributes="member: 67">Alright.  I'll break this up section by section and save my analysis of your use of the ingredients for last.  I'm going to be as harsh as I possibly can, here (as I will be for all of the entries that I critique).  Please don't take it personally or badly if I trash something you really like; I have my own biases that will inevitably slip through, although I will try to curb them; I will try to be as nemmerlesque as I can possibly be in my critique.  My hope is that I will help you (in general, not Angelsboi in particular) to give strong showings in future installments of the Iron DM tournament.Okay, Angelsboi (great new sig pic, by the way) second:“Amnesia’s Gift”First, the setup: Your trick for simulating amnesia is a little gimmicky, but I kind of like it.  But then, I'm the kind of player that doesn't mind being handed pre-made characters to run.  If your players are the type that wouldn't get mad, this is a great idea--once in a while.Next, the background: The background, on the other hand is kind of cliched and raises too many questions that need answers, like how--and more importantly, why--all this stuff happened.  I can easily see a druid protecting dragon eggs and even a bunch of evil monks showing up on an isolated island, but why do they brainwash the druid?  How do they brainwash the druid?  How does the druid craft and curse the weapon?  How does he expect it to actually kill all of the monks?  I could go on.The adventure: First, just because the characters have amnesia, doesn't mean that you can get away with not knowing why the characters have the cursed spear.  That's just a minor problem, though; they could have grabbed it in the wreck, or something.It's kind of odd that you think monks or druids would likely be in a group, but that, too, is a minor consideration.I really like the whispering quality of the spear, though.  Creepy is good.  I do wish you had provided examples of the things it might say.What's the DC for the listen check in the night?You set up some very nice intrigue with the PCs in the morning, especially given that the PCs might not even be able to trust themselves.Having the PCs wander into the druid's garden seems akward, at best and smacks of railroading, at worst.Do hangman's trees move?  How?Woah!  Where'd this blue dragon stuff come from?  Why wasn't it in the background section?  Who is this dragon, why does it want the eggs, and what makes you think that the PCs will make their way down to fight the half-fiend/half-blue dragon monk/sorceror (of what levels?), anyway?  They very well might not!Okay, the ingredients: Your use of amneisa is very good and innovative, except for the bit at the end, where you state, basically, that, "oh, yeah, they lost their memory in the boat wreck."  Incidentally, you make no mention of exactly how the druid will restore the PCs' memories, but I guess I should have mentioned this above.The island fortress isn't much of a fortress, but it's enough of one to count for me.You don't give me much of a reason to believe that your evil monks are, in fact, evil.  To be perfectly honest, you don't give me much of a reason to believe that they're monks, either.  I don't feel that you integrated them into the scenario as well as you could have.Your use of the eggs seems fairly interesting, if somewhat cliched.  I do wish I had more information about them--and the factions involved with them.Your hangman's tree is terribly tacked-on.  Why, oh why didn't you flesh it out some?Your cursed backbiter spear is great, though.  Hell, it has more personality than any other character in the adventure.  Nice job on that one--it even has a nice history (this, too, I wish had been fleshed out more).Overall, I feel that you have great ideas, Angelsboi, but you clearly rushed this scenario.  There is so much more that you could have done with this, that you didn't follow up on.  I'd love to play in a game that you run, Angelsboi, because I sense that you are quite spontaneous and creative, but I don't think I could run your scenerio, personally.  I feel that most of your excellent ideas remain locked away in your head, because you didn't manage to get them across here.  Given the excellence of Wulf Ratbane's entry with these ingredients, I don't think this entry could have a chance of beating him.If, in the future, you pay more attention to details and flesh things out, you'll do yourself, your players, and everyone who wishes to use your scenarios a great service and could quite possibly expect to win the Iron DM Tournament.Good luck and, although I have been harsh, I do hope to see more from you.</blockquote>

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