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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Wulf Ratbane" data-source="post: 1510898" data-attributes="member: 94">SEMIFINAL MATCH ONE- Nemmerle vs CarpeDavid- JUDGMENTCD uses very vivid imagery and, in nearly every case, uses the ingredients in unexpected ways—unique ways that are supported by a clever interpretation of the ingredients. I especially like the Keep on the Borderlands, on the border between the mortal and spirit world; and the Assassin’s Knot, the group of celestial dragons who chase each other’s tails; he goes so far as to call them a “tangle” of dragons.Let’s not forget Lord Eimin as Death, the Final Enemy. Very nice.Yet already I’m worried that all that style and cleverness is hiding weakness. I like it too much already and I haven’t really got any idea how it feels as an adventure. Lots of style, though. Awesome style. As adventures go, I have to admit up front I’m no fan of “epic” level adventures. But I won’t hold that against CD, as there’s no requirement that the level of an adventure be included, and the entry still works even with that line struck from the record.One last tip of the hat to carpedavid, and that’s for his mechanic on sleep/dream deprivation. Very nice. Publishable, I would say!Let’s get something out of the way first, nemm. Here another entry once again begins with an admission that the PCs may “simply choose not to become involved at all and go along their way.” That doesn’t sound like the beginning of much of an adventure. As I said before, either make your hooks so strong that there’s no doubt, or don’t mention the possibility of failed hooks at all. Presenting a scenario that plays out without the PCs isn’t an adventure; that’s a story. I suggest that it’s better to present your hooks and let the chips fall where they may, than to say to the judge, “My hooks are weak, but here’s a pretty story anyway.”But as I look closer, it seems that nemm’s hooks ARE the adventure. He has a section marked “How the PCs Become Involved,” following which are several short adventure synopses, each of which uses the same backstory as a springboard to action. It’s an interesting and effective organizational scheme for an entry.Nemm shows equally creative use of the ingredients. The imagery he weaves of the Queen of Spiders is very good: multiple images such as the trivets, her multi-limbed frenzy of activity, and most especially, her “web” of informants. Having them pass notes to informants in their dinner—very clever.It’s not unusual for the “abstract” ingredient to be the most difficult. I think both entries struggled with this as neither presented the Best of Intentions in a way that was very apparent to the PCs. I know it’s difficult to have a tangible experience with an intangible concept, but I think both could have done better with this ingredient, because both really relegate the best of intentions to the backstory.Both entries use the Keep on the Borderlands in ways that are roughly equal. If I had to choose based on style alone, CD’s use is clearly more creative. It’s probably not necessary as a tie-breaker, but I also find CD’s Keep more essential to the adventure as presented, and more likely that the PCs will need to travel there. Nemm presents a couple of ways that the problem can be resolved without a trip to the Keep, whereas in CD’s entry it’s an almost indispensable stop along a trail of clues.With regard to the Dwellers in the Forbidden City, both entrants seemed more concerned with clevelry working the name “Forbidden City” into the entry without dwelling too much on the actual Dwellers therein. Both entries use The Forbidden City as a euphemism for the Underworld—though two very different uses of that term. I almost feel as if both entries used Underworld as their ingredient, here. Well, chefs make ingredient substitutions all the time. I am tempted to give the edge here, again, to CD, largely on the basis of style, but in the end I think nemm’s Underworld is presented with more opportunities for the living.CD clearly has the edge where the Final Enemy is concerned. I really don’t buy nemm’s suggestion that the city-state is its own Final Enemy, and in any case that withers under CDs use of Lord Eimin, Death, as the ultimate final enemy.Only two ingredients to go, and here the scales start to tip heavily to nemmerle.CDs Queen of the Spiders, the Dreamweaver, is a very strong image—the first in a long series of well-crafted images. CD really set the hook in my cheek with this first image (I’m a bit of a sucker for Japanese mythology, and there’s more than a whiff of Shogun in this entry). But ultimately, nemm’s Queen of Spiders is the more active ingredient. CDs lovely queen is a plot device; nemm’s is an adversary.I also loved CDs Assassin’s Knot—that tangle of dragons—but they seemed to be more of a knot and not so much a group of assassins. Once again, it’s great, creative use of an ingredient to build imagery, and I think that perhaps if they were actually sent out to intercept the PCs, actually acting as assassins rather than simply having it be a detail in their mythology, it would have been much stronger. Even so, I doubt that simple tweak would have surpassed nemm’s Assassin’s Knot. The Colombian necktie, literally a knot, used as the calling card for a group of assassins who call themselves a knot. Pretty damn near flawless individual use of an ingredient.But for all his individual ingredients stand apart, for some reason nemm’s entry doesn’t seem overall as singularly cohesive as CD’s. Perhaps it’s the consistent imagery CD uses; perhaps, in saying less, CD says more.Ultimately I award this round to [spoiler] nemmerle. CDs entry was attractively presented, without question semi-final material that would have beaten many other entries, but nemms’s was clearly the meatier of the two. Again, I think CD’s entry has a consistent style and cohesiveness that is superior, but I find nemm’s entry stronger as an adventure. Substance over style today. [/spoiler]</blockquote>

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