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Message: <blockquote data-quote="el-remmen" data-source="post: 1375428" data-attributes="member: 11">Judgment of Semi-Final Round - First Match-Up: Dave Turner vs. ZenldSo, Dave Turner conceded, which means, of course, that Zenld auomatically wins.  But should Dave have done such a reckless thing?  I asked him to post what he had come up with - so I might see how far he got and how well he was doing and have something to compare Zen's entry to - I will be the judge of whether or not he was right to drop out - but one thing is for certain, if I were Paka, I'd be pissed off - It was such a close match with DT - just to have him drop out; must be mad frustrating.Right off the bat  I have to wonder what happened to Dave Turner?  Did he start late and run out of time?  I know he claimed that the ingredients were too difficult and disparate for him to complete his entry - but what I have read seemed like a very good effort and well on its way to being the winning entry - In fact, the only thing I see missing are the digesters and I thought of a way to include them right away.  That is not to say there are not problems with entry, but there are problems with Zenld's entry as well - so while I cannot say without a doubt that Dave Turner would have won - that is certainly the impression I get just from what he provided.  Definitely nothing to be embarrassed of.Let's take a closer look, shall we?  One entry at a time. . .Zenld's Entry: This scenario would have the PCs become involved as they happen upon a destroyed gypsy camp going from one town to another, and while I would be the last deny the curiousity of adventurers and the oft-used but no less effective method of having the party find or pick something up that someone else is willing to kill them for - or at the very least steal back - works as a hook,  there are a bunch of problems with the ingredients used in the hook and how they connect to the rest of the adventure.  First of all, why would the ambitious Rufflehelm (sounds like a euphamism for oral sex) leave such an important mission as searching for the box with the scarab of death to some cowardly animal trainer?The gypsies themselves never appear in the adventure, and their camp could be any similar camp or roadside place - the fact that it is a gypsy camp doesn't really matter much, does it?  And Zen never bothers to explain how the gypsies came upon the scarab.  Did the gypsies use the scarab to kill the magistrate for Rufflhelm and then the councilman used the digesters to kill the gypsies?  That kind of underworld double-cross would have worked - but it was never followed up on or developed.Why do the digesters have such readily identifiable and unique collars of quality?  Again, I have to think that Rufflehelm is the either the boldest or dumbest (or both) man of political ambition and avarice that ever was.  Even if he hoped for the sloppy work at covering things up would lead to the animal trainer and he'd be killed or arrested, is it worth the risk of letting someone find the craven man who is likely to spill his guts at first opportunity?Before I continue, I have to say that this is the problem with these kinds of mystery and investigatory type adventures, every little detail matters.  Why do you think good mystery writers are so careful about every detail they disclose to the reader and how it is revealed?  So as to not give it away too easily, but still give them a chance to figure it out.  This adventure has too many questions that goes along with it; too many loose ends that lead the PCs along from place to place like a board game.Next step along the way can vary according to the PCs actions.  The theft in the night is a good 'classic' D&D scene we've all dealt with at one time or another, but I have to wonder why Rufflehelm did not use these thieves to send along with the animal trainer and use their rogue-based ostensibely high search/spot skills to get the box to begin with?At the Mile Stop Zenld includes this line: "It is possible to get someone in the bar to tell you where the little hunched figure is, but will most likely involve fighting Octang and Sleaze" - Huh? What? Why? Explain?  What information is there exactly to be gained?  Why is there no red herring or misdirection to make investigation more complicated?   Instead, it comes down to a fight?   The one thing I do like about this scene is Altora - if only because I like the idea of a powerful assassin hunting down the PCs and killing them one by one - I may have to do that myself one day.The real strength of Zenld's entry are the backdrops.  He does an excellent job of describing the carnage of the camp, the road up to the town with its water wheels, the inn and its proprietor, the Mile Stop, the warehouse, all of it is great.  And he also does a good job of creating lots of opportunity to make the consequences of the party's actions mean something - whether it be getting on the wrong side of the assassin, angering the thieves' guild, getting arrested, etc. . .But what about the ingredients?  I'm sorry. . . well, no I'm not sorry, it's not my fault - but Zen's ingredient use in this adventure was pretty bad.  They are all so disparate, hardly used or make a some meaningless appearance, I had to shake my head.  It is only in his review of ingredients that Zenld bothers to explain that the scarab of death was the original means Rufflehelm had to kill the magistrate. As mentioned before the gypsy camp could have easily have been some other place, the digesters filled a niche in this adventure that any other dangerous creature could have filled (though the threat against the animal trainer involving the authorities and the flauting of local ordinances against such exotic beasts was a nice touch).  The weeping herald is almost comedic, making an entrance just in time to help the PCs put together all the elements of the scheme before the climactic battle.  Well, at least Rufflehelm really did suffer from avarice - oh but I nearly forgot about the animated bench (and it seems Zenld nearly forgot as well, it seemed so haphazardly thrown in) - it had absolutely nothing to do with anything and was just in the office waiting for. . .what exactlty?     These ingredients might have been used as dressing in an adequate adventure, but they were also mixed in such a way to be the recipe for something else: a losing entry.Dave Turner's Entry:On the other hand, what there was of Dave Turner's entry reminded me of something I might have seen one of our frequent winners write. While the background verged on too long, DT's entry has a bunch of great elements I could not help but admire - whether it be the Scarab of Death amulet used both as safe passage into the devil's temple and as a means of cursing those who seek to use the amulet to get in and steal things.  Of course, the best use of an ingredient was the weeping herald - there was just something creepy and powerful and scary about the scene.   The set-up was good, with a conspiracy of elders trying to keep the town safe, the outcast dwarven gypsies and their greed and a dangerous temple to explore.  As the entry was incomplete - it was never clear to me why the PCs would come back to the temple more than once - so the need to break up the temple descriptions and defenses depending on which visit it was was lost on me.  Though I could imagine including the digesters by having the bodies of the fallen dwarves turn inside out and be warped into digestive juice spewing horrific monsters as the devil's power grew. Unfortunately, the entry was incomplete, and there is no way of knowing if Dave Turner's scenario would have continued on with strength or been undermined by bad use of ingredients, like the gypsy camp itself, which while mentioned never comes into play with the PCs (though for all I know the conclusion of the adventure might have taken place there).So, as we all already know ZENLD moves on the finals and is guaranteed at least a 3rd place slot.  Zen, I think you are going to need something more like your first entry than your second if you plan to have a chance in the finals - but it is double elimination so there are still two chances to fine tune your skills and show what you are really made of.  Not to say that this entry was not decent - but it definitely had as many weaknesses and questions as it did strengths.Oh and one last thing, in the future double check your formating and make sure you use a sufficient number of paragraphs breaks.</blockquote>

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