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Message: <blockquote data-quote="carpedavid" data-source="post: 2308555" data-attributes="member: 6971">Round 1, Match 5: Nonamazing vs. Howandwhy99In this match we have <a href="http://www.enworld.org/showpost.php?p=2299463&postcount=121" target="_blank">nonamazing</a> vs. <a href="http://www.enworld.org/showpost.php?p=2299273&postcount=118" target="_blank">howandwhy99</a>. If you haven't read their entries, well... you know the drill by now. Both contestants have a similar premise. An undead general, whose indecision at a critical moment was responsible for the deaths of his troops, somehow gets the PCs to accompany him on a quest for redemption. Which version is better? Let's take a look.We'll begin with the ingredient use this time, and we'll start with the Mithril Spear. Nonamazing tosses it in as the weapon of an NPC, and provides little justification for the spear's essential qualities. As used, it could be any sort of weapon, from a sword, to a trident, to a holy hand grenade.He then suggests that the Krenshar living in the area be given a damage reduction of 10/mithril because of an unnaturally thick hide. Huh? Mithril is a strong as steel, but lighter. It's no harder than a normal blade – that's what adamantine is for. Though all mithril weapons are supposed to be masterwork, this would give the party no more of an advantage than if they had normal masterwork weapons. It's an improper use of the material and a poor use of the ingredient in general.Howandwhy99, by contrast, uses the spear as the sole hook into the adventure. It's the weapon of his Undead General, who once commanded a legion while a citizen of a Romanesque culture. Thematically, the spear fits the ancient culture quite well. Howandwhy99 even provides us with a justification for the mithril quality: its superiority to the bronze weapons of the day gave the general a distinct advantage. Unlike Nonamazing's use of damage reduction, this actually works, since mithril is supposed to be as strong as steel. Could the general's spear been made out of steel? Yes, but, mechanically, the mithril is at least used properly. Right out of the gate, HW99 takes the lead.Since I've mentioned the Undead General, we'll look at that next. Both contestants use the ingredient equally well. Nonamazing's general who commands undead is an unexpected interpretation, but one that's perfectly valid from the way I presented the ingredient. Howandwhy99's general who is undead, on the other hand, is more of a conventional interpretation. Both contestants use their respective generals as the motivating factor, which is about what I expected. I'll return to both contestants' generals when I get to the discussion of playability and design, but neither contestant gains any ground at the moment.Let's look at Indecision next. In both entries, the general's indecision causes the death of his troops at some point during the back story. During the course of the adventure, the PCs will have to deal with the repercussions of that personality defect in different ways. Nonamazing's general overcompensates for his indecision by becoming the living equivalent of a caffeine molecule that's been abusing the amphetamines. He's rash, can't sit still, and, apparently, can't stop talking. I'm tempted to say that a complete reversal of an ingredient doesn't qualify as a use of the ingredient, but I think it just squeaks in under the radar.Howandwhy's use of the ingredient is more traditional. His indecisive ghost has to be prodded to help the party, and the spear from which he manifests carries a curse which effectively makes the weapon unsure about whether it wants to be functional. Neither use really impresses, so neither contestant makes up any ground with this one.Next is the Killing Fields. Again, both contestants have very similar uses. Both successfully give this ingredient a double meaning. In both cases, the ingredient fills the role of the fields where their respective generals' troops perished. Nonamazing imbues his fields with a magical effect that slowly saps the party's strength through fear. Howandwhy99 fills his with undead that set upon any living being who enters.Both also create a mitigating factor that allows the PCs to navigate through the area. In Nonamazing's entry, the Mithril Spear possesses an aura that suppresses the lingering fear effect of the fields. Howandwhy99's mitigating factor is the Undead General himself. His undead troops still dislike him so much that they're willing to turn their backs on him, and ignore the PCs in the process. Here, I think HW99's use is somewhat stronger, since his mitigating factor is tied more closely to the plot.Next we have the Krenshar. In Nonamazing's adventure, the krenshar is thematically tied to the Mournland through fear. Beyond that, they're not really tied into the adventure, other than to be defeated by the conveniently-placed mithril spear. HW99 employs the fear-causing quality of the krenshar as well, once as the causal agent of Cordis' indecision, and once again as the goal to overcome in order to redeem the undead general. As with the previous ingredient, I think HW99's use is stronger.Finally, we have the Rosemary. HW99 very nearly hides this ingredient in the background. It is used by his protagonist as a personal symbol (and here, HW99 gives us the reason for the selection of this particular herb - it is indeed traditionally employed as a symbol of fidelity), but the PCs don't manage to interact with it until the resolution of the story. Even then, unless they've really been paying attention, they may not have any idea what to do with it. In fact, HW99 goes to the extreme of having the ghost weave his own crown, and then ask the PCs to crown him, if they haven't picked up on the significance of the ingredient. I'd like to have seen in employed as a way to cause the ghost to manifest, for example; something tangible that the PCs would interact with throughout.Nonamazing describes a necromantic herb called black rosemary that curiously sounds absolutely nothing like real rosemary. Rosemary is an evergreen shrub. It grows to a height of 3 to 5 feet (in nice climates - here, you have to take it in during the winter). Now, I understand that it's a necromantic version of the herb, so grey leaves work for me, but "small clumps" sounds like thyme or oregano, not rosemary. If I can't tell what it is from your description, then it certainly doesn't meet the standard of describing the ingredient's essential qualities.Ok, at this point, Howandwhy99 has a definite lead over Nonamazing. Can he maintain this lead through the analysis of playability and design? Let's find out. Nonamazing presents us with the most standard hook in the whole of hookdom: money. A powerful NPCs hires the PCs do something dangerous, for which they'll be richly rewarded. He manages to elevate the hook, though, by giving some nice concrete examples of what the general has to offer other than gold. The offer to intervene in the political scene is especially nice, since it's not something you often see as a reward in adventures.Once the PCs take the bait, they pretty much just have to hold on as they're swept though the adventure. Let me digress for a moment to talk about adventure layout. There are multiple types of layouts for an adventure. Most adventures have a main goal, and possibly several sub-goals. In a linear design, the steps necessary to achieve the main goal are laid out in a sequential manner. They may be made clear at the outset, or revealed as the adventure progresses. In other words, the group progresses from step one, to step two, to step three, and so on. Usually, the steps get more challenging as the adventure progresses.In a hub design, the steps to achieve said goal are laid out like the outer planes in the great wheel cosmology. The "goal" is at the center, and the PCs have to travel out to each step and back. The steps usually don't have to be completed in any particular order, though a sophisticated design might give bonuses of some sort for completing them in an optimal order. In this type of design, the encounters really don't increase in power as the PCs progress.More complex designs might have encounters that are interconnected in various ways, and which change, emerge, or disappear entirely as the PCs progress. At any rate, no one design is ultimately better than another. The design which is best for you is the one that is best for your group. Some groups always want the goals to be nebulous and the future uncertain, while some like to always know what they're supposed to do next. Most groups, I think, like a combination. My group, for example, enjoys the complex, investigative type of adventures, but finds the occasional, straight forward quest to be refreshing.That said, in any type of adventure, the PCs need to feel like they are the protagonists. This is not to say that you shouldn't have active antagonists. Certainly, active antagonists increase the immersion factor, and make the PCs feel like they're living in an organic world. In Nonamazing's adventure, though, General L feels like the protagonist, not the PCs. He is the driving force of the adventure, and, short of telling him to bugger off and go home, they have no choice as to how to proceed.Even in a linear adventure, the PCs should be able to choose how they interact with the world, but the way this adventure is written, it doesn't feel like they have much choice. Could it be rewritten to remedy this problem? I think so.HW99's adventure, on the other hand, suffers from precisely the opposite problem. The whole adventure is predicated on the PCs prodding Cordis to act. I don't know about you, but unless the treasure at Messalina is pretty darn impressive, and unless the undead general can actually take us to it, I'm chucking that useless spear into a lake. Howandwhy99's linear adventure feels like an exercise in frustration.First, I have to find out what the spear that won't hit anything and that I randomly found in some treasure pile does. Then I have to coax the ghost who lives inside to come out and talk to me. Next, I have to convince him to take me to the city that he doesn't want to go to. Once I'm there, I have to get him to come out somehow, or I get torn apart by thousands of undead. Finally, I have to overcome the challenge that he was too cowardly to fight in the first place for him, and then I have to weave him a crown made of rosemary. After all of that, the stupid git gets to go enjoy the afterlife, and I still don't have any treasure.At about this point, I would expect the dice to get thrown. Additionally, HW99 provides us with an extremely detailed background and myth, and then basically tells us to fill in the details of the adventure on our own. Sure, he provides us with the final encounter, but nearly everything up to that is left up to the DM. A note to all competitors: when the background portion of your entry is as long as the adventure portion of your entry, you need to go back and revise.I have a feeling that HW99 focused on integrating the ingredients at the expense of the encounters. I know that, as someone who enjoys writing fiction, it's a problem that I often face. One thing that I try to keep in mind is that what happens before an adventure isn't nearly as important as what happens during the adventure. Before you spend a lot of time detailing that fateful battle, stop to ask yourself the following: do those details provide the party with a useful clue or means of advancing the plot? If the answer is no, then summarize. Background is neat, but it's ultimately the actions of the characters that the players will remember.Ok, so who won? Well, HW99 had the stronger ingredient use and provides us with a detailed background, but then he gives us a bare outline of an adventure. Nonamazing, despite fairly weak ingredient use and a plot that borders on railroading, gives us an actual adventure to work with. <spoiler: highlight to read>[spoiler]Since this is an adventure writing contest, and not a fiction writing one, I have to give the match to Nonamazing[/spoiler]</spoiler>.</blockquote>

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