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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Deset Gled" data-source="post: 6036260" data-attributes="member: 7808">It's much better; this version is very usable.  However, I think Radiating Gnome's version is a slight improvement over this version.  In writing (and at the beach) I am a big fan of the bikini rule: Make it long enough to cover all the important parts, but small enough to be interesting.Your first, long version is perfect for an email to send to perspective players after they contact you and want to learn more about your style.I'm actually not a huge fan of this breakdown.  IMO, lines 3, 5, 7, and 8 are basically advertisement text that is void of information.  I would much rather see a sentence or two about the style of the game (like rkarnes note about a sandboxy style), and maybe a few specifics (like the rules source guidelines).  Line 4 is worthless to me because I have found gaming experience is an extremely poor indicator of quality or social skills, and line 10 is completely unnecessary with the advent of voicemail and email (since the article is from 2001, this line was on the falling edge of necessary at the time of publication).</blockquote>