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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Umbran" data-source="post: 1507794" data-attributes="member: 177">Often being future minded is a good thing.  Sometimes it isn't.  Specifically, in the case of deep interpersonal relationships, being future minded gives you the tendency of putting words in other people's mouths, and creating bogey-men that don't actually exist.   First off, looking for THE girl is terribly, terribly unfair to both you and the girl.  THE girl is a fantasy.  But real girls are only human.  Every last one of them.  Plus, looking for THE girl means you'll never fully appreciate the charms of people who don't fit your mental image of perfection.  There's a lot to be said for that which you don't expect <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />Why date someoen when you know you'll come to blows?  Two reasons - first off, you don't know you'll come to blows.  By the time you get to know each other, fall in love, go through the mating dances, and finally are ready to have kids, things may change.  You may change, she may change.  Think - if you don't get married for five years, that'll be about one fifth of ehr entire life.  That can lead to significant change...Second, even if you don't know about it beforehand, with every single person on the planet, there's something important over which you may (and probably will) disagree.  So, dodging the landmines you know about only leaves you likely to stomp on the ones you don't know about.  Third, if you don't date people before finding THE girl, you probably won't be emotionally ready for her when she comes along.  Dealing with a loving relationship is a learned skill.  If you don't get in relationships, you don't learn the skill.  If you haven't tried it before, she may be THE girl for you, but you won't be THE guy for her, because you will still be inexperienced and immature.In general, people can surprise you.  Giving up based upon casual association would be as dumb as deciding you'd fallen in love and had to get married without ever seeing her.  Let the relationship develop and grow natrually, without the burden of so many preconcieved notions, and you're far more likely to have it go somewhere useful.</blockquote>

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