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Journal of the Souls of Legend (completed)
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<blockquote data-quote="Nthal" data-source="post: 7919778" data-attributes="member: 6971069"><p style="text-align: center"><strong>The Burden of Guilt - 2/15/2020</strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p> <p style="text-align: center"><em>It is a sad thing to grow up with millions of people around you every day, and yet find yourself utterly alone. </em></p><p></p><p>I awoke to the warmth of the sun on my face. I lazily opened my eyes to look at the open sky overhead, blue and clear. I took a deep breath and sighed heavily, unwilling to move. Not with Gossamer providing welcome warmth by my feet, as he rested there calmly. But more than anything I just wanted to rest. Not to run off to march away to some crisis. Not to chase down hobgoblin raiders. Indeed, not to fight at all. I wanted rest and respite; it had been weeks since I left Waterdeep to Secomber, and from there it seemed to be never-ending fighting. I lay there in the cot, taking advantage of what I knew would be an all too brief moment of solace.</p><p></p><p>After we had slaughtered the worgs, hobgoblins and the giant we had A lot of work to do last night. The five men worked on stamping out the fires, while I searched the village for bodies, and buried them where I found them. Some of the bodies required me to fish them out of the new canal that now circled the village. But it didn’t matter to me as I sunk each worg, each hobgoblin and even the giant beneath the earth. It was strange how in combat it was so easy to hate, but when setting matters to rest it was so soothing. Not because it was a hard earn victory, or that they deserved to be sent to judgement. But because how <strong><em>right</em></strong> it felt to treat the fallen correctly; even our foes.</p><p></p><p>But afterwards, we had all agreed to get a longer rest and not start with daybreak as we usually did. Well, I suppose it was more Beepu and myself arguing for that. Although as someone attuned and able to work the Weave that was normal, it was more than that for me.</p><p></p><p>It had been months since I arrived here, and home was still as far away as ever. While I liked the journey of my travels as it tickled the Sensate within me, the idea I couldn’t go home was like a pebble in my boot, unwilling to let me forget it. Iesa, Daneath and Beepu all had a home of sorts, between Waterdeep and Silverymoon. They could go there if they needed to. Or wanted to. </p><p></p><p>But those places weren’t Sigil. As much as I could gripe about the Hive, the Gatehouse, or any other unsavory aspect it was still home. It was everything I couldn’t do; go the Sensorium to relive the travels and experiences of others and share my own. To get a bite of za, sooty with mushrooms from a vendor on the street. My monthly tea with a…well <em>friend</em> is an interesting way to look at him. He was a fiend after all. But it didn’t matter now. It was all out of reach. Perhaps forever.</p><p></p><p>Heaving another sigh, I realized that turning over the same stone in my mind, I might as well do it walking elsewhere, to keep the monotony away.</p><p></p><p><em>Time to move, Goss</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--I do believe you are wrong.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Possibly, but we’re going to need to leave at some point.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--That doesn’t concern me. Keeping warm does.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>My legs are moving, like it or not.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--You are a cruel woman.</em></p><p></p><p>I pushed my legs free from under the impossibly heavy familiar and sat up and put my gear on. I noticed that the building was empty; even Beepu must have risen a while ago. I packed my things and walked outside to see what the chant was.</p><p></p><p>I found Daneath by the well outside, cleaning his mess kit. He nodded as he saw my approach.</p><p></p><p>“You know…sleep in, didn’t mean all morning,” he quipped as packed away the tin bowls. </p><p></p><p>“Probably. But the travelling has been wearing on me,” I replied. “Where are the others?”</p><p></p><p>“Beepu is in the chapel; apparently the goblins snore so he moved there and demanded to be left alone so he could study his diagrams and books.”</p><p></p><p>“Well…he’s the one that snores. The goblins just do it to wake him up.”</p><p></p><p>“Yeah…I know. No point on arguing it though.”</p><p></p><p>I nodded, “We have a plan?”</p><p></p><p>“Once Iesa gets back from some hunting and tracking we’re going to discuss.”</p><p></p><p>“Tracking?”</p><p></p><p>Daneath nodded, “We aren’t sure where to go from here. He’s hoping to get an idea based on tracks. That and some fresh food.”</p><p></p><p>“I take it worg meat isn’t that good?”</p><p></p><p>Daneath shuddered, “It’s tough, stringy and has a nasty flavor. Rather not.”</p><p></p><p>“So, what about Drik and Drok?”</p><p></p><p>“Well…they looted all the cups, bowls, and other metal stuff. But they can’t carry it all. Now they are trying to figure out what to take with them.”</p><p></p><p>“Well, I guess they know their goods,” Iesa said, sauntering up with some game birds in hand. “Beepu around?”</p><p></p><p>“I can get him,” I said, and I turned to look at Gossamer who had just sat down to groom.</p><p></p><p><em>--What? Oh..fine…sure…not like I had important things to do.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Grooming?</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--Important Grooming.</em></p><p></p><p>Gossamer stood, stretched and flew off towards the small chapel. While Iesa continued; “Well hunting is a bit thin. But worse yet is I can’t get a handle on where the goblins may have come from.”</p><p>Daneath scrunched his face, “That’s a problem.”</p><p></p><p>Iesa sat on a bench near the well and started to dress the birds. His brows knitted in concentration. Then he finally said “Well…maybe not. We could ask our two friends if they know the way.”</p><p></p><p>Daneath and I looked at each other, and I shrugged my shoulders.</p><p></p><p>“Why not. What’ the worst that can happen?” Daneath exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air.</p><p></p><p>“You get punched in the codpiece?” I ventured.</p><p></p><p>“Better that than having your throat ripped out?” Daneath said looking at me with an arched eyebrow.</p><p></p><p>I winced. “Point taken,”</p><p></p><p>“Well then,” Daneath said, putting his kit back into his pack. “Let’s go ask them.”</p><p></p><p>We found the pair together in one of the smaller, and still intact buildings. They were sitting on the floor, carefully picking through various objects made of metal. As we approached, they started looking at us guardedly. They slowly and deliberately started scooping together the metal objects on the floor, as if they were ready to cut and run with their loot. But they didn’t, instead both sat there and waited for one of us to speak.</p><p></p><p>“Hey guys…wondered if you could help us with something,” Iesa started.</p><p></p><p>“No!” said Drik</p><p></p><p>“Yes?” questioned Drok. They then looked at each other and sighed before both said. “Maybe. What?”</p><p></p><p>“This…what did you call them…Lasher. The Prophesized One…do you know where he is?” Iesa asked as non-chalantly as possible.</p><p></p><p>The pair stopped their gathering and looked at Iesa with a look that might be best described as dismay. They glanced at each other slowly and then back at Iesa before Drik responded.</p><p></p><p>“We not sure. We never seen him.”</p><p></p><p>“But you know where he might be?” Iesa pressed.</p><p></p><p>Drik gulped, and Drok slowly replied, “He might be at camp. He might be at big fort. We not know.”</p><p></p><p>“Tell us about the camp,” Daneath jumped into the conversation.</p><p></p><p>“Camp close. Had some workers for lasher. Was mine, but mine empty now.” Drik said haltingly.</p><p></p><p>“And the fort?” Daneath asked.</p><p></p><p>“Farther. Past swamp and near lake--” Drok said before being motioned to silence by Drik.</p><p></p><p>“And you know the way?” Daneath kept pushing.</p><p></p><p>“—We not want to go there.” Drik not wanting to look either man in the eye.</p><p></p><p>“Afraid. I am not surprised,” Beepu said with a mocking tone. It seemed to be lost on the goblins though.</p><p></p><p>“Want to go back to Skullport,” Drok said, ignoring the gnome.</p><p></p><p>“Well we need your help finding—” Iesa started before being cut off.</p><p></p><p>“—No. Want to leave.” Drik said vehemently.</p><p></p><p>“Drik, Drok,” I said kneeling down in front of the pair. “Are there more hobgoblins and worgs out there?”</p><p>Drik’s head snapped up and looked at me, while Drok looked away with a resigned look on his face. “Yes. Many.”</p><p></p><p>“If you help us, we can keep them away from you. But if you head off now, you might be found by another lasher.”</p><p></p><p>Drik frowned and sighed. Drok’s face contorted with disgust. They looked at each other. Finally, Drok shrugged and Drik spoke again.</p><p></p><p>“We will try to find way.”</p><p></p><p>I smiled and bowed my head in respect. “Thank you both.” The pair were surprised at the gesture, looking at each other in confusion. “Where do we need to go?” I asked.</p><p></p><p>“Camp or Fort,” Drik asked looking around at all of us.</p><p></p><p>Daneath thought a moment, “You said it was close. I would rather continue our original plan; picking them apart one by one. So, the camp would be my vote.”</p><p></p><p>Iesa nodded, “I agree. And I don’t like the sound of the hobgoblins having ‘workers.’ Sounds like slaves.”</p><p>Beepu scrunched his face up and said, “The tactics have worked for us so far. No reason to alter that. And the thought of slaves under the boots of the hobgoblins irritates me.</p><p></p><p>“I guess the camp then,” I said.</p><p></p><p>“To find camp, must find valley of bugs,” Drik said nodding as both goblins started to scoop up the metal things scattered before them into a pair of packs.</p><p></p><p>“Bugs?” I said a little confused and more than a little apprehensively.</p><p></p><p>“Big bugs,” Drok nodded and confirmed.</p><p></p><p>“We can handle bugs I believe,” Beepu yawned.</p><p></p><p>Drik and Drok looked at each other and gave the gnome a wicked smile. “Sure. You handle bugs.”</p><p></p><p>Iesa looked at the goblins, and then at Daneath. “What am I missing?”</p><p></p><p>“I think we will only find out on the way,” Daneath replied.</p><p></p><p>[HR][/HR]</p><p></p><p>We travelled late into the evening, leaving the ruins of the town far behind us. I wished I could have done more for the people that had to run. Granted I was the one that told them to run and flee their homes, but inside I knew what I told Drik and Drok, would have applied to the villagers; another group of hobgoblins would come. The battle would be repeated, but without us to face them. So, it was the right decision to convince them to flee while they could.</p><p></p><p>And thinking honestly; I would have run too. I guess power did give me courage, and circumstances had forced me to stand in the thick of combat. I could trade, or at least withstand blows with monsters and beings that acted like them. But I also supposed that in the end it was I afraid of the wrong things.</p><p></p><p>Death didn’t scare me. Was I jaded for having crossed beyond once and being forced back? Perhaps, but the thought of dying didn’t bother me. And for all the noblest intentions, five years ago I learned more about pain that I ever wanted to know. Enough to almost break me. Even my death hurt less.</p><p></p><p>I wasn’t afraid of those things. I was afraid of losing control. Not being able to do the things I wanted to do, not finding a way home, not being free. I didn’t want shackles, real or imagined. If I had a desperate wish, it was to be able to travel where and how I wanted. To explore and be free. Free from the guilt I felt; that I owed a debt that I couldn’t repay, if only in my own heart. Free from the anger that fueled me to kill these hobgoblins. </p><p></p><p>But once we camped, I took my leave from the others, skipping out on dinner and turned in early. I stripped off my armor and lay on my bedroll, and for once sleep took me peacefully.</p><p></p><p>I woke a cool hand gently shaking my shoulder. I breathed deeply, trying to chase the memory of the dream that was leaving me. Only the fringes of emotions were left; satisfaction, peace and…something else now far away. I opened my eyes and saw to my surprise it was Iesa waking me up, with Mo perched on his shoulder. Usually it was Daneath that roused me, as we would trade favors armoring up. He helped me don it at for last watch, and I he in the morning. We had done this for a while as ‘a best practice’ to make sure the armor was hanging correctly. His was more complex, but Daneath’s experience with armor helped me wear my own so I wouldn’t tire as easily, placing weight on my hips and not my shoulders where possible.</p><p></p><p>I sat up and stretched, and asked “Any issues?”</p><p></p><p>“No,” Iesa said softly. “No worgs or anything tonight.” He fed Mo a piece of dried fruit as he waited for me to get up.</p><p></p><p>“Good…where’s D?”</p><p></p><p>“He actually turned in a bit ago. Said something about fatigue, since he didn’t sleep in like the rest of us did yesterday.” He wasn’t looking at me directly, but instead down at the ground, as if distracted by something.</p><p></p><p>I nodded, “So, are you going to help me put my armor on?” I said as I stood up and fastened on the gambeson around me.</p><p></p><p>“Uh…sure,” he said leaning over to pick up the chain shirt I normally, wore and held it up by the shoulders. I slipped my arms and kept them at chest level as he buckled the straps that crossed the left side. I felt his hands gingerly touch my ribcage as he pulled the leather through the buckles. As I waited, I realized that his hands were shivering. No quivering as he struggled to pull the buckles closed.</p><p></p><p>“What’s wrong?” I asked.</p><p></p><p>“Huh?! N-n-nothing! Why?”</p><p></p><p>“Because you barely pulling on the straps,” and I reached down to pull on them myself when my hand touched his. The instant it did he recoiled and stepped back.</p><p></p><p>I turned to look at Iesa and he looked…guilty. I was sure to have a puzzled look on his face.</p><p></p><p>“I’m not a porcelain cup Iesa. And it’s just armor.”</p><p></p><p>“I’m sorry…Its…its just the last time I touched you like that I…I was carrying your body back to Yartar.”</p><p></p><p>“I...I didn’t know.”</p><p></p><p>“Yeah. Your blood was everywhere. I remembered how warm you were when I first picked you up…and how cold you were when I finally put you on that altar.”</p><p></p><p>Iesa was quiet a moment looking at the embers of the campfire nearby. And I waited sensing that there was more to this story.</p><p></p><p>“It was my fault I suppose. If I told everyone about the map, we would have taken a different route. And…and it wouldn’t have happened. And its odd,” he said turning to look at me with sadness in his eyes. </p><p></p><p>“You were the first person I saw killed that…meant something to me. I wasn’t there when my mother died. I found her well afterwards. When the hyena leapt at you and you fell, it was...different. Like I lost a…lost a sister I guess.”</p><p></p><p>“Are you sure? Usually you don’t spy on your sister swimming in a spring.”</p><p></p><p>Iesa’s eyes looked like they were about to pop from their sockets, “What…how?”</p><p></p><p>“Gossamer smelled you and told me.”</p><p></p><p>“Smelled me?!?”</p><p></p><p>“Foggle would have spotted you. But Gossamer’s sense of smell is very keen.”</p><p></p><p>“Well…I…um…that is—”</p><p></p><p>“—If I cared I would had said something. I noticed that in Waterdeep that the bathes they were segregated. They aren’t in the Great Gymnasium in Sigil. So, the modesty here is…surprising.”</p><p></p><p>“Oh well…I…just wanted to make sure you were ok and…yeah I lingered a bit long. You are a beautiful woman after all. And—”</p><p></p><p>“And?”</p><p></p><p>“Do I really smell?”</p><p></p><p>I laughed, “Maybe to Goss.”</p><p></p><p>“Yeah you said though that if I wanted—”</p><p></p><p>“—'wanted to attract an elven woman?’” I said gently. “I remember. And the next time we are anywhere near a town, an elven tree or a goliath camp I’ll help you out. Did you have a smell in mind?”</p><p></p><p>“Well…I always like the smell of that spice…cinnamon,”</p><p></p><p>I grimly chuckled, “If that’s what you want.”</p><p></p><p>He looked at me puzzled, “Something wrong,”</p><p></p><p>I looked down a second, smiled and looked at him again. “Well, I know most like the smell, but it…it has a different meaning for me. For anyone that grew up in the Hive.”</p><p></p><p>He looked at me uncertainly, “What do you mean?”</p><p></p><p>I gave him a wry lopsided grin, “A long time ago, the Blood War…um the war between what you call devils and demons broke into full swing in the poorest part of Sigil. The tanar’ri…the demons, brought a thing…a weapon in the Hive. But they couldn’t control it, and when they got chased out by the Lady, they left it behind.”</p><p></p><p>“What was it?”</p><p></p><p>“Kadyx. It haunts the Hive and kills people, but…”</p><p></p><p>“But what?”</p><p></p><p>“It has a strange sense of humor...often the kills are arranged in a strange way. Once some warrior in full plate mail proclaimed, he would go slay it. When they found him later, it was just his skeleton, standing in its armor.”</p><p></p><p>“That’s gruesome…and weird. But I don’t get it.”</p><p></p><p>“Well, when it is near…there is a strong smell of cinnamon in the air. People tend to run at that point in fear of their lives.” I finished tightening the final buckle on my armor, and started to move to the fire to start my watch. After a couple of steps, I turned around to face him again.</p><p></p><p>“So perhaps…it suits you.” I smiled. After a long pause I spoke again “Thank you for the help. Goodnight Iesa.”</p><p></p><p>“Myrai…I…I’m sorry,”</p><p></p><p>I nodded, “It’s…it’s alright. We have more than enough guilt to share.”</p><p></p><p>He nodded in response, and muttered “Good night” and he made his way to his own tent. </p><p></p><p>I moved to the center of camp where I saw Gossamer on a nearby branch</p><p></p><p><em>That’s surprising.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--What? That you aren’t the only one that tortures themselves with guilt? You’re surprised?</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Not about that…that I never asked.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--I’m not surprised. You would rather tell a pithy story about Sigil, rather than discuss what you are really feeling.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>That’s not fair!</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--Fairness isn’t part of the bargain. You aren’t even <strong>playing</strong> fair. That bit about swimming for example. Did you tell him about that time when you rescued him from near death, how your hands lingered on his body, ‘checking for wounds’</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Wait a—</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--You are just a bottle of pent up unresolved emotions. Like your obsession with this ‘Prophesized One’</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--His minions are slaughter--</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>About Iesa—</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Hey now he’s like a --</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--About Daneath—</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>I admire what he—</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--About Beepu</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>There is a lot I can—</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--Markell--</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>No.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--Elisna—</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>NO!</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--Your fath—</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>STOP!</em></p><p></p><p>I was screaming in my head as I covered my ears in a vain attempt to silence my own familiar. I didn’t want to listen to this. I fell to my knees, breathing heavily, shutting my eyes tightly closed.</p><p></p><p><em>Please…stop…not now.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>--I’m sorry, I’ll go back to watching for things around us. But you DO need to deal with these things.</em></p><p></p><p>I knelt there by the fire, tears coming unbidden once again, and streaming down my cheeks. It was then I realized the truth.</p><p></p><p>I didn’t want freedom. I wanted to run. Run and leave guilt and shame behind in a distant past, a distant place. To leave it behind and never face them. To run and hide from everyone. From myself.</p><p></p><p>I didn’t want to run anymore.</p><p></p><p>But I didn’t have the strength to deal with it.</p><p></p><p>Not alone.</p><p></p><p>Still on my knees, I leaned forward and prayed:</p><p></p><p><em>No one should be alone, in life or death,</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Life is a part of death, not an ending but a beginning</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Life is without deceit and has meaning,</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>May my prayer find its way to the Fugue,</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>And your gaze from the Crystal Spire of smoke find me, </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>May you guide your servant on the next step of her journey,</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Because Life’s challenge is finding the next waypost,</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>It is not a destination, but a Journey, </em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>Help me find the strength to heal the wounds within,</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>So be the will of my Lord, and my desire in faith</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>May you grant me peace in Life.</em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong>Session notes:</strong></p><p></p><p>This was a brief moment, and there was a bit of discussion on where to go and what to do . </p><p></p><p>However, convincing Drik and Drok to stay was an effort. Partially because I think the DM actually hated his creations; or at least doing the voices. We certainly didn’t NEED them.</p><p></p><p>Or did we?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nthal, post: 7919778, member: 6971069"] [CENTER][B]The Burden of Guilt - 2/15/2020[/B] [I]It is a sad thing to grow up with millions of people around you every day, and yet find yourself utterly alone. [/I][/CENTER] I awoke to the warmth of the sun on my face. I lazily opened my eyes to look at the open sky overhead, blue and clear. I took a deep breath and sighed heavily, unwilling to move. Not with Gossamer providing welcome warmth by my feet, as he rested there calmly. But more than anything I just wanted to rest. Not to run off to march away to some crisis. Not to chase down hobgoblin raiders. Indeed, not to fight at all. I wanted rest and respite; it had been weeks since I left Waterdeep to Secomber, and from there it seemed to be never-ending fighting. I lay there in the cot, taking advantage of what I knew would be an all too brief moment of solace. After we had slaughtered the worgs, hobgoblins and the giant we had A lot of work to do last night. The five men worked on stamping out the fires, while I searched the village for bodies, and buried them where I found them. Some of the bodies required me to fish them out of the new canal that now circled the village. But it didn’t matter to me as I sunk each worg, each hobgoblin and even the giant beneath the earth. It was strange how in combat it was so easy to hate, but when setting matters to rest it was so soothing. Not because it was a hard earn victory, or that they deserved to be sent to judgement. But because how [B][I]right[/I][/B] it felt to treat the fallen correctly; even our foes. But afterwards, we had all agreed to get a longer rest and not start with daybreak as we usually did. Well, I suppose it was more Beepu and myself arguing for that. Although as someone attuned and able to work the Weave that was normal, it was more than that for me. It had been months since I arrived here, and home was still as far away as ever. While I liked the journey of my travels as it tickled the Sensate within me, the idea I couldn’t go home was like a pebble in my boot, unwilling to let me forget it. Iesa, Daneath and Beepu all had a home of sorts, between Waterdeep and Silverymoon. They could go there if they needed to. Or wanted to. But those places weren’t Sigil. As much as I could gripe about the Hive, the Gatehouse, or any other unsavory aspect it was still home. It was everything I couldn’t do; go the Sensorium to relive the travels and experiences of others and share my own. To get a bite of za, sooty with mushrooms from a vendor on the street. My monthly tea with a…well [I]friend[/I] is an interesting way to look at him. He was a fiend after all. But it didn’t matter now. It was all out of reach. Perhaps forever. Heaving another sigh, I realized that turning over the same stone in my mind, I might as well do it walking elsewhere, to keep the monotony away. [I]Time to move, Goss --I do believe you are wrong. Possibly, but we’re going to need to leave at some point. --That doesn’t concern me. Keeping warm does. My legs are moving, like it or not. --You are a cruel woman.[/I] I pushed my legs free from under the impossibly heavy familiar and sat up and put my gear on. I noticed that the building was empty; even Beepu must have risen a while ago. I packed my things and walked outside to see what the chant was. I found Daneath by the well outside, cleaning his mess kit. He nodded as he saw my approach. “You know…sleep in, didn’t mean all morning,” he quipped as packed away the tin bowls. “Probably. But the travelling has been wearing on me,” I replied. “Where are the others?” “Beepu is in the chapel; apparently the goblins snore so he moved there and demanded to be left alone so he could study his diagrams and books.” “Well…he’s the one that snores. The goblins just do it to wake him up.” “Yeah…I know. No point on arguing it though.” I nodded, “We have a plan?” “Once Iesa gets back from some hunting and tracking we’re going to discuss.” “Tracking?” Daneath nodded, “We aren’t sure where to go from here. He’s hoping to get an idea based on tracks. That and some fresh food.” “I take it worg meat isn’t that good?” Daneath shuddered, “It’s tough, stringy and has a nasty flavor. Rather not.” “So, what about Drik and Drok?” “Well…they looted all the cups, bowls, and other metal stuff. But they can’t carry it all. Now they are trying to figure out what to take with them.” “Well, I guess they know their goods,” Iesa said, sauntering up with some game birds in hand. “Beepu around?” “I can get him,” I said, and I turned to look at Gossamer who had just sat down to groom. [I]--What? Oh..fine…sure…not like I had important things to do. Grooming? --Important Grooming.[/I] Gossamer stood, stretched and flew off towards the small chapel. While Iesa continued; “Well hunting is a bit thin. But worse yet is I can’t get a handle on where the goblins may have come from.” Daneath scrunched his face, “That’s a problem.” Iesa sat on a bench near the well and started to dress the birds. His brows knitted in concentration. Then he finally said “Well…maybe not. We could ask our two friends if they know the way.” Daneath and I looked at each other, and I shrugged my shoulders. “Why not. What’ the worst that can happen?” Daneath exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air. “You get punched in the codpiece?” I ventured. “Better that than having your throat ripped out?” Daneath said looking at me with an arched eyebrow. I winced. “Point taken,” “Well then,” Daneath said, putting his kit back into his pack. “Let’s go ask them.” We found the pair together in one of the smaller, and still intact buildings. They were sitting on the floor, carefully picking through various objects made of metal. As we approached, they started looking at us guardedly. They slowly and deliberately started scooping together the metal objects on the floor, as if they were ready to cut and run with their loot. But they didn’t, instead both sat there and waited for one of us to speak. “Hey guys…wondered if you could help us with something,” Iesa started. “No!” said Drik “Yes?” questioned Drok. They then looked at each other and sighed before both said. “Maybe. What?” “This…what did you call them…Lasher. The Prophesized One…do you know where he is?” Iesa asked as non-chalantly as possible. The pair stopped their gathering and looked at Iesa with a look that might be best described as dismay. They glanced at each other slowly and then back at Iesa before Drik responded. “We not sure. We never seen him.” “But you know where he might be?” Iesa pressed. Drik gulped, and Drok slowly replied, “He might be at camp. He might be at big fort. We not know.” “Tell us about the camp,” Daneath jumped into the conversation. “Camp close. Had some workers for lasher. Was mine, but mine empty now.” Drik said haltingly. “And the fort?” Daneath asked. “Farther. Past swamp and near lake--” Drok said before being motioned to silence by Drik. “And you know the way?” Daneath kept pushing. “—We not want to go there.” Drik not wanting to look either man in the eye. “Afraid. I am not surprised,” Beepu said with a mocking tone. It seemed to be lost on the goblins though. “Want to go back to Skullport,” Drok said, ignoring the gnome. “Well we need your help finding—” Iesa started before being cut off. “—No. Want to leave.” Drik said vehemently. “Drik, Drok,” I said kneeling down in front of the pair. “Are there more hobgoblins and worgs out there?” Drik’s head snapped up and looked at me, while Drok looked away with a resigned look on his face. “Yes. Many.” “If you help us, we can keep them away from you. But if you head off now, you might be found by another lasher.” Drik frowned and sighed. Drok’s face contorted with disgust. They looked at each other. Finally, Drok shrugged and Drik spoke again. “We will try to find way.” I smiled and bowed my head in respect. “Thank you both.” The pair were surprised at the gesture, looking at each other in confusion. “Where do we need to go?” I asked. “Camp or Fort,” Drik asked looking around at all of us. Daneath thought a moment, “You said it was close. I would rather continue our original plan; picking them apart one by one. So, the camp would be my vote.” Iesa nodded, “I agree. And I don’t like the sound of the hobgoblins having ‘workers.’ Sounds like slaves.” Beepu scrunched his face up and said, “The tactics have worked for us so far. No reason to alter that. And the thought of slaves under the boots of the hobgoblins irritates me. “I guess the camp then,” I said. “To find camp, must find valley of bugs,” Drik said nodding as both goblins started to scoop up the metal things scattered before them into a pair of packs. “Bugs?” I said a little confused and more than a little apprehensively. “Big bugs,” Drok nodded and confirmed. “We can handle bugs I believe,” Beepu yawned. Drik and Drok looked at each other and gave the gnome a wicked smile. “Sure. You handle bugs.” Iesa looked at the goblins, and then at Daneath. “What am I missing?” “I think we will only find out on the way,” Daneath replied. [HR][/HR] We travelled late into the evening, leaving the ruins of the town far behind us. I wished I could have done more for the people that had to run. Granted I was the one that told them to run and flee their homes, but inside I knew what I told Drik and Drok, would have applied to the villagers; another group of hobgoblins would come. The battle would be repeated, but without us to face them. So, it was the right decision to convince them to flee while they could. And thinking honestly; I would have run too. I guess power did give me courage, and circumstances had forced me to stand in the thick of combat. I could trade, or at least withstand blows with monsters and beings that acted like them. But I also supposed that in the end it was I afraid of the wrong things. Death didn’t scare me. Was I jaded for having crossed beyond once and being forced back? Perhaps, but the thought of dying didn’t bother me. And for all the noblest intentions, five years ago I learned more about pain that I ever wanted to know. Enough to almost break me. Even my death hurt less. I wasn’t afraid of those things. I was afraid of losing control. Not being able to do the things I wanted to do, not finding a way home, not being free. I didn’t want shackles, real or imagined. If I had a desperate wish, it was to be able to travel where and how I wanted. To explore and be free. Free from the guilt I felt; that I owed a debt that I couldn’t repay, if only in my own heart. Free from the anger that fueled me to kill these hobgoblins. But once we camped, I took my leave from the others, skipping out on dinner and turned in early. I stripped off my armor and lay on my bedroll, and for once sleep took me peacefully. I woke a cool hand gently shaking my shoulder. I breathed deeply, trying to chase the memory of the dream that was leaving me. Only the fringes of emotions were left; satisfaction, peace and…something else now far away. I opened my eyes and saw to my surprise it was Iesa waking me up, with Mo perched on his shoulder. Usually it was Daneath that roused me, as we would trade favors armoring up. He helped me don it at for last watch, and I he in the morning. We had done this for a while as ‘a best practice’ to make sure the armor was hanging correctly. His was more complex, but Daneath’s experience with armor helped me wear my own so I wouldn’t tire as easily, placing weight on my hips and not my shoulders where possible. I sat up and stretched, and asked “Any issues?” “No,” Iesa said softly. “No worgs or anything tonight.” He fed Mo a piece of dried fruit as he waited for me to get up. “Good…where’s D?” “He actually turned in a bit ago. Said something about fatigue, since he didn’t sleep in like the rest of us did yesterday.” He wasn’t looking at me directly, but instead down at the ground, as if distracted by something. I nodded, “So, are you going to help me put my armor on?” I said as I stood up and fastened on the gambeson around me. “Uh…sure,” he said leaning over to pick up the chain shirt I normally, wore and held it up by the shoulders. I slipped my arms and kept them at chest level as he buckled the straps that crossed the left side. I felt his hands gingerly touch my ribcage as he pulled the leather through the buckles. As I waited, I realized that his hands were shivering. No quivering as he struggled to pull the buckles closed. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “Huh?! N-n-nothing! Why?” “Because you barely pulling on the straps,” and I reached down to pull on them myself when my hand touched his. The instant it did he recoiled and stepped back. I turned to look at Iesa and he looked…guilty. I was sure to have a puzzled look on his face. “I’m not a porcelain cup Iesa. And it’s just armor.” “I’m sorry…Its…its just the last time I touched you like that I…I was carrying your body back to Yartar.” “I...I didn’t know.” “Yeah. Your blood was everywhere. I remembered how warm you were when I first picked you up…and how cold you were when I finally put you on that altar.” Iesa was quiet a moment looking at the embers of the campfire nearby. And I waited sensing that there was more to this story. “It was my fault I suppose. If I told everyone about the map, we would have taken a different route. And…and it wouldn’t have happened. And its odd,” he said turning to look at me with sadness in his eyes. “You were the first person I saw killed that…meant something to me. I wasn’t there when my mother died. I found her well afterwards. When the hyena leapt at you and you fell, it was...different. Like I lost a…lost a sister I guess.” “Are you sure? Usually you don’t spy on your sister swimming in a spring.” Iesa’s eyes looked like they were about to pop from their sockets, “What…how?” “Gossamer smelled you and told me.” “Smelled me?!?” “Foggle would have spotted you. But Gossamer’s sense of smell is very keen.” “Well…I…um…that is—” “—If I cared I would had said something. I noticed that in Waterdeep that the bathes they were segregated. They aren’t in the Great Gymnasium in Sigil. So, the modesty here is…surprising.” “Oh well…I…just wanted to make sure you were ok and…yeah I lingered a bit long. You are a beautiful woman after all. And—” “And?” “Do I really smell?” I laughed, “Maybe to Goss.” “Yeah you said though that if I wanted—” “—'wanted to attract an elven woman?’” I said gently. “I remember. And the next time we are anywhere near a town, an elven tree or a goliath camp I’ll help you out. Did you have a smell in mind?” “Well…I always like the smell of that spice…cinnamon,” I grimly chuckled, “If that’s what you want.” He looked at me puzzled, “Something wrong,” I looked down a second, smiled and looked at him again. “Well, I know most like the smell, but it…it has a different meaning for me. For anyone that grew up in the Hive.” He looked at me uncertainly, “What do you mean?” I gave him a wry lopsided grin, “A long time ago, the Blood War…um the war between what you call devils and demons broke into full swing in the poorest part of Sigil. The tanar’ri…the demons, brought a thing…a weapon in the Hive. But they couldn’t control it, and when they got chased out by the Lady, they left it behind.” “What was it?” “Kadyx. It haunts the Hive and kills people, but…” “But what?” “It has a strange sense of humor...often the kills are arranged in a strange way. Once some warrior in full plate mail proclaimed, he would go slay it. When they found him later, it was just his skeleton, standing in its armor.” “That’s gruesome…and weird. But I don’t get it.” “Well, when it is near…there is a strong smell of cinnamon in the air. People tend to run at that point in fear of their lives.” I finished tightening the final buckle on my armor, and started to move to the fire to start my watch. After a couple of steps, I turned around to face him again. “So perhaps…it suits you.” I smiled. After a long pause I spoke again “Thank you for the help. Goodnight Iesa.” “Myrai…I…I’m sorry,” I nodded, “It’s…it’s alright. We have more than enough guilt to share.” He nodded in response, and muttered “Good night” and he made his way to his own tent. I moved to the center of camp where I saw Gossamer on a nearby branch [I]That’s surprising. --What? That you aren’t the only one that tortures themselves with guilt? You’re surprised? Not about that…that I never asked. --I’m not surprised. You would rather tell a pithy story about Sigil, rather than discuss what you are really feeling. That’s not fair! --Fairness isn’t part of the bargain. You aren’t even [B]playing[/B] fair. That bit about swimming for example. Did you tell him about that time when you rescued him from near death, how your hands lingered on his body, ‘checking for wounds’ Wait a— --You are just a bottle of pent up unresolved emotions. Like your obsession with this ‘Prophesized One’ --His minions are slaughter-- About Iesa— Hey now he’s like a -- --About Daneath— I admire what he— --About Beepu There is a lot I can— --Markell-- No. --Elisna— NO! --Your fath— STOP![/I] I was screaming in my head as I covered my ears in a vain attempt to silence my own familiar. I didn’t want to listen to this. I fell to my knees, breathing heavily, shutting my eyes tightly closed. [I]Please…stop…not now. --I’m sorry, I’ll go back to watching for things around us. But you DO need to deal with these things.[/I] I knelt there by the fire, tears coming unbidden once again, and streaming down my cheeks. It was then I realized the truth. I didn’t want freedom. I wanted to run. Run and leave guilt and shame behind in a distant past, a distant place. To leave it behind and never face them. To run and hide from everyone. From myself. I didn’t want to run anymore. But I didn’t have the strength to deal with it. Not alone. Still on my knees, I leaned forward and prayed: [I]No one should be alone, in life or death, Life is a part of death, not an ending but a beginning Life is without deceit and has meaning, May my prayer find its way to the Fugue, And your gaze from the Crystal Spire of smoke find me, May you guide your servant on the next step of her journey, Because Life’s challenge is finding the next waypost, It is not a destination, but a Journey, Help me find the strength to heal the wounds within, So be the will of my Lord, and my desire in faith May you grant me peace in Life.[/I] [B]Session notes:[/B] This was a brief moment, and there was a bit of discussion on where to go and what to do . However, convincing Drik and Drok to stay was an effort. Partially because I think the DM actually hated his creations; or at least doing the voices. We certainly didn’t NEED them. Or did we? [/QUOTE]
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