Upgrade your account to a Community Supporter account and remove most of the site ads.

Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="Aust Meliamne" data-source="post: 959" data-attributes="member: 95">Vallia’s Journal 26th day of Leaffall, 1372DR It has been some time since my last journal entry. The lapse was not entirely my fault, it is difficult to write as you travel, and I was unconscious for a while. I’m going to try to go back, and pick up where I left off. My mind seems to have calmed somewhat, so perhaps this entry will be somewhat more….orderly than the last. The night in Crimmor passed uneventfully, and the morning after, we left town early and turned north to pass over the Cloud Peak Mountains. I do think that Misha is taking this married thing a little too far, he actually kissed me this morning as he helped me into the wagon. It was nice, but still……He holds me tight as I sit next to him, and I do not think it is for the act. He seems almost affectionate, but restrained. I have given up trying to understand him, I think perhaps I will just let time take its course, and see what happens. He began to speak of the first time he saw me, calling it a strange moment. He would tell me only that at that time he felt ‘good’, whatever that means. I took it as a positive sign, though. Other than the conversation, the travel was mostly dull, and the day passed quickly. As twilight fell, I saw movement from the rocks along the side of the path. I saw an arm, and javelins flying towards us. The others had not yet seen them, not having keen elven eyesight, and I leapt up, drawing my sword. I have always been good at being able to tell where an arrow will fly, or strike, and I knew as soon as I saw those javelins that the second one was aimed straight at Misha’s head. I didn’t think, I didn’t consciously move, but I found myself, sword in hand, coming to my feet directly in front of him. Just as I stood, the javelins struck. I looked down briefly in horror to see one sticking out of my chest. The force of my momentum carried me over the side of the wagon, but thankfully, I do not remember hitting the ground. When I awoke again, the first thing I heard was Misha’s voice, asking if I was feeling better. I tried to answer him, but it felt like my chest was on fire, I couldn’t take a breath. And I was cold, so cold, I could feel myself shaking. There was also something pressed up against me, very close, which made me feel very smothered. I opened my eyes to find Kay, surprisingly, pressed against me, trying apparently to keep me warm. I appreciated the gesture, but her closeness was uncomfortable. I asked Misha to convince her to go, and she finally agreed. I was touched that she had gone to the trouble. Maybe I’ve been wrong about halflings after all.I sent a quick message to Karanaj, letting him know I was alright. He apologized for removing the javelin, but explained that he had suspected poison. I told him that it was not his fault, and that there apparently was a sleeping poison on the javelin. I do not blame him for his actions, he was only trying to do what he thought best, and I love him for it. Our conversation was short, and I was exhausted, so I quickly bid him good night. Misha explained that I had been hit by a barbed javelin, which Karanaj had unknowingly ripped out, injuring me further. Misha was angry with me for protecting him, he stated very vigorously that protecting me was his job. I told him I was sorry, that I had not thought, just acted. He mentioned something of fighting, and about that time I began to take note of my surroundings, and realized that someone had changed my clothes and put me to bed. When I inquired, I found to my shock, that the others had left me with the innkeeper, and had gone off to fight. Furthermore, I have to assume that someone from the inn bathed my wound and clothed me. To say I was not pleased is an understatement. Of course, they were fighting for the cleric who was to heal me, so who am I to judge them, I suppose. I just thought…….I hoped………that someone would have remained with me. Misha finally noticed my shivers (just as I noticed my fingers were blue!) and pulled off his shirt. I was a little alarmed and unsure of what he intended, but he muttered something about soldiers and warmth and promptly got into bed with me, putting his arms around me. It did make me feel warmer, and safe, and I huddled close to him, and fell asleep rather quickly. He was still there in the morning when I awoke, which surprised me. One look at him, and I could tell he had not gotten much sleep. He was standing by the window, seemingly lost in thought. I remarked on his still being there (something which I don’t recall happening before) and he told me that I had scared him and Karanaj rather badly. I apologized as I placed a hand on his shoulder. When he remarked that he almost felt like husband and wife, I gave him a quick kiss. I’m not really sure why I did that, but I was feeling…….well, almost giddy. Misha sounded funny when he mentioned Karanaj. I asked him what had transpired, and he said that they had had a disagreement about me. I had thought that Misha had been angry with him about the javelin, and sent a quick message to Karanaj asking what had happened, as Misha tried to change the subject. He does that quite often, and it annoys me greatly. I yelled his name in exasperation, and immediately regretted it, as my chest exploded in fire. Misha caught me before I fell and I asked him again to tell me what happened. He told me that Karanaj felt that he was deluding himself, and avoiding what everyone could see. Karanaj refused to tell me his reasons behind such comments, and I chose not to press. It seemed he knew something about Misha, and had given his word not to reveal it. I can respect that, but I do not have to like it. Karanaj did say that Misha was wrestling with a decision. I am worried about that. He must sleep if he wants to be of any use to us. I decided not to press either any farther, and dressed quickly. How strange for those two to become friends, they seemed so different. Before I went downstairs, Misha kissed me again. Sometimes I think that I am growing too accustomed to it. I emerged in the common room with a wide smile, and a ravenous appetite. I suppose it was all the healing, but I ate more than I have ever eaten in my entire life. Misha and Gruush took baths (thank goodness!) and I was more than ready to continue our journey. Misha, however, seemed determined to drag his feet. I was worried about Aliya…..the pain and fear I felt from her had lessened, but I did not think it a good sign and told Misha and Karanaj as much. I think she is weakening, and we must hurry. I was able to convince Misha to leave, and he again played the role of the husband to the hilt, even smacking my bottom, which I did not appreciate in the least! We traveled for what seemed like days, and Karanaj, for some unknown reason, had given Misha and I his journal to read. Misha had some questions about ma’sheira, and I explained as best I could, not really wanting to discuss it. He felt sympathy for Aliya, knowing that it will be hard for her when Karanaj dies, she will still be so young. He also said that he hoped I find something like that one day. I could hardly swallow for the lump in my throat. He isn’t ready……… I enjoyed reading Karanaj’s journal, though in reading about his meeting with Aliya, I felt such sadness. As much as we love Karanaj and Misha, Aliya and I do use them. We have no choice, but I do not have to like it. I seem to be saying that a lot lately. I was gratified to hear that I remind him of Aliya, for she is the warmest and most caring person I know. I like Karanaj even more so now, he feels such responsibility. I have found that is rare in humans. They do not often think of how their actions affect others, but Karanaj is more than willing to take on more than his share of the blame in any given situation. He did not guide Misha’s hand in killing Anteashara, for example, but to him it was the same. Karanaj is a wonderful person, and I am very privileged to know him. While we drove, Misha dozed with his head in my lap, and I stroked his hair absentmindedly. I heard Karanaj in my mind, I get the feeling that what’s going on between Misha and me is troubling him. He asked if I had feelings for the man in my lap, and I replied “Of course.” He said that he meant as more than a friend or companion, and I replied “As Aliya is to you, so he is to me. May Corellon help us all." I think I eased some of his fears by telling him the truth, and he told me what he had been hiding. Misha is afraid of hurting me. He apparently loved someone long ago, and she came to harm because of him, and now he is afraid to care about someone like that again. I felt like crying as I listened. I hate seeing him in pain, making him relive those feelings. For a moment, I hated myself for doing this to him. Misha and I were talking again, as night fell and we began to travel more slowly due to fog and rain. He asked again about ma’sheira, and I told him that the subject caused me pain. I was tired, and did not want to discuss it. He apologized, saying that I must have loved my ma’sheira greatly. I understood that Misha thought he was dead. I assured him that he lives, and that is enough for me right now. He remarked that it must be hard to be away from him, and I told him that since we met, I had never left his side. I thought those words before I had a chance to catch myself, and Misha seemed very alarmed, saying that I was scaring him. I tried quickly to use humor the way he does, to not answer the question I knew he was asking. I said "Why, it's Gruush, didn't you know?" and he replied with "and here I thought it was myself... whew..my mind is calm now." I should mention at this point that the rings are not always a blessing, and sometimes you project things you do not mean to. I was furious with him, and before I realized what I was doing, I thought "Of course it's you, you fool!" I immediately wished there was some way to get that moment back, but the damage was done. He said "You love me?" and I replied "Since the first time we met......." He asked why and played coy when I compared him to Karanaj. He forced me to say it, to say that he was my ma’sheira. He told me he was afraid…..for me. I tried to lighten the mood, and said I was afraid for him…….I kick pretty hard. He would not be deterred and said he wanted to think. I immediately communicated with Karanaj my stupidity in opening my big mouth. He was sympathetic, but seems to think that Misha will come to the right conclusion…..I wish I was as sure as he is. I could live without him…..I could. I just do not wish to.</blockquote>

Verification