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Message: <blockquote data-quote="delericho" data-source="post: 4143883" data-attributes="member: 22424">Okay, I recommend talking to her, preferably one-on-one, and certainly without the boyfriend present (which might be tricky, I'll grant you that). And ask her outright: is she playing because she wants to play, or because he wants her to play. Emphasise that either is cool, but that it's better that you know, so you can react accordingly.Be aware that she might say that she wants to play, when the truth is otherwise, so pay attention not just to the answer, but how she answers. Basically, if she answers directly and with certainty, and especially if she seems a little peeved that you will even ask that question, then she wants to play. If she hesitates, starts with "Um, yeah...", or sounds like she's trying to talk herself into it, then it's likely that he wants her to play.Anyway, if you get the sense that she wants to play in her own right, then treat her like you would any other new player - talk her through character creation, explain the rules of the game in brief, and so on.If you get the sense that she's only playing because he wants her to, then the best thing to do is describe a few basic character types, and ask her to either pick or give some idea of an alternative character she would like to play. Then create a character for her, keeping close to her preferred archetype, and keeping things simple. In play, try not to bamboozle her with rules-speak, and perhaps insulate her from many of the rules details - focus on what she does, rather than the mechanics of how she does it.Additionally, when dealing with a player who doesn't really want to be there, be patient. Don't heavily involve her character in plot-lines, since she's likely to miss sessions, and probably won't want to remember details from week to week. If she doesn't pay attention in-game, don't get annoyed and don't take it personally. And, if she (the player) wanders off, then so be it. Remember: she's not really into the game, so don't try to force the issue.The only other concern is if she detracts from the game for everyone else. This may take the form of her dragging to boyfriend away, or worse might take the form of her commenting how bored she is while at the table (or similar). In this case, you need to speak to the couple, preferably the two of them together, and without the other players present. Explain that the situation just isn't working out, and that while you don't have any problem with her, the fact is that she obviously doesn't want to be there, which is cool, and that that is causing problems for everyone else, which isn't cool. At which point, be prepared to lose them both as players - be careful to accept that as being what it is, or you might well lose them both as friends.Don't. Describe the archetypes, and let her pick. Rangers, Bards and Druids seem popular choices amongst new female players, in my experience, but each case is different, and you really should let her choose. I've found that in 3e, and even amongst new players, 1st level Wizards aren't that hard to handle. Obviously, I don't know how 4e works out, but I doubt it will be much worse.Communication is the key.</blockquote>

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