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Kicking out a player: share your stories/advice
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<blockquote data-quote="Flynn" data-source="post: 3644867" data-attributes="member: 1836"><p>I vote for Honesty. It just works better, and it displays a higher level of personal integrity that helps you with your reputation.</p><p></p><p>Based on past experiences, I have implemented the following system with my gaming group for new gamers to help fight this kind of thing:</p><p></p><p>1. I (and maybe some of the others) meet with the new candidate first in a non-gaming setting, such as lunch at a fast food place, that kind of thing. If the new gamer seems okay, personality-wise, in terms of whether or not they click with me, then we can move on to the second phase.</p><p></p><p>2. I let on the mailing list and have them create a character, including background story. I provide the necessary house rules and campaign background, and encourage working with the existing players to build the character. Everyone gets to see whether the new gamer can/will work with others to fit in, and also gets a chance to review the final character to make sure it fits mechanically with the style of the game and the group. This also gives the new gamer their first chance to get to know the group as well.</p><p></p><p>3. Once the new gamer's got a character, then they come in for a session. In essence, they are treated as a guest shot, and I try to provide a good sample of the general gaming experience I offer. This lets the group see the new gamer in action, and the new gamer gets to see both the campaign and the other gamers in action.</p><p></p><p>4. At the end of the gaming session, I ask the new gamer if this is the kind of game they'd like to be in, and if this is the kind of group they'd like to be in. After all, the new gamer may have some concerns in regards to my DMing style, for example, or another player, etc. I let them know that they have a few days to think about it and get back to me, while I get the results of this "interview" from the other players.</p><p></p><p>5. Over the next few days, I discuss our gaming experience with the new gamer over private email with the current gamers. I ask them their impressions, and then I ask for a vote. It must be unanimous to be accepted. I usually don't have a problem with it, as most gamers are generally good gamers. Still, one vote against indicates a possible source of conflict between players in the future, and so I decide to nip that in the bud by not allowing the new player in. As I keep the results here anonymous, there is freedom for players to speak freely without reprisals, and the others won't know.</p><p></p><p>6. If this process leads to us not accepting the new gamer, I let them know, indicating that some games are not for everyone, that sometimes personalities do not get along, and that I have a responsibility to preserve the status quo of my current gamers in this event. I apologize for any problems this may have caused them, and I let them know that it isn't anything against them, just that, at this time, things just didn't work out with this particular combination of existing gamers and/or campaign styles.</p><p></p><p>Throughout this process, I reserve the right to vote "No" if the new guy rubs me the wrong way, because I'm part of the group, too. Also, my wife gets to vote "No" if someone is disrespectful to her or just gives her the creeps, even though she's not in the game, because it's her house, too, and frankly, I want my marriage to last longer than any campaign I run.</p><p></p><p>Even with this process in place, I've had to ask someone to leave before, and I did so directly using words very similar to step six, above. Sometimes this problems do not arise until after the game has continued for a bit, and in this particular case, I had to come to a decision for the good of the game. I apologized, but I made my choice based on what I thought was best. In my case, the gamer already knew that problems existed, and was considered leaving the game anyway, so it all worked out well for all involved. You might be surprised to find the same thing in your own case.</p><p></p><p>Good Luck,</p><p>Flynn</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Flynn, post: 3644867, member: 1836"] I vote for Honesty. It just works better, and it displays a higher level of personal integrity that helps you with your reputation. Based on past experiences, I have implemented the following system with my gaming group for new gamers to help fight this kind of thing: 1. I (and maybe some of the others) meet with the new candidate first in a non-gaming setting, such as lunch at a fast food place, that kind of thing. If the new gamer seems okay, personality-wise, in terms of whether or not they click with me, then we can move on to the second phase. 2. I let on the mailing list and have them create a character, including background story. I provide the necessary house rules and campaign background, and encourage working with the existing players to build the character. Everyone gets to see whether the new gamer can/will work with others to fit in, and also gets a chance to review the final character to make sure it fits mechanically with the style of the game and the group. This also gives the new gamer their first chance to get to know the group as well. 3. Once the new gamer's got a character, then they come in for a session. In essence, they are treated as a guest shot, and I try to provide a good sample of the general gaming experience I offer. This lets the group see the new gamer in action, and the new gamer gets to see both the campaign and the other gamers in action. 4. At the end of the gaming session, I ask the new gamer if this is the kind of game they'd like to be in, and if this is the kind of group they'd like to be in. After all, the new gamer may have some concerns in regards to my DMing style, for example, or another player, etc. I let them know that they have a few days to think about it and get back to me, while I get the results of this "interview" from the other players. 5. Over the next few days, I discuss our gaming experience with the new gamer over private email with the current gamers. I ask them their impressions, and then I ask for a vote. It must be unanimous to be accepted. I usually don't have a problem with it, as most gamers are generally good gamers. Still, one vote against indicates a possible source of conflict between players in the future, and so I decide to nip that in the bud by not allowing the new player in. As I keep the results here anonymous, there is freedom for players to speak freely without reprisals, and the others won't know. 6. If this process leads to us not accepting the new gamer, I let them know, indicating that some games are not for everyone, that sometimes personalities do not get along, and that I have a responsibility to preserve the status quo of my current gamers in this event. I apologize for any problems this may have caused them, and I let them know that it isn't anything against them, just that, at this time, things just didn't work out with this particular combination of existing gamers and/or campaign styles. Throughout this process, I reserve the right to vote "No" if the new guy rubs me the wrong way, because I'm part of the group, too. Also, my wife gets to vote "No" if someone is disrespectful to her or just gives her the creeps, even though she's not in the game, because it's her house, too, and frankly, I want my marriage to last longer than any campaign I run. Even with this process in place, I've had to ask someone to leave before, and I did so directly using words very similar to step six, above. Sometimes this problems do not arise until after the game has continued for a bit, and in this particular case, I had to come to a decision for the good of the game. I apologized, but I made my choice based on what I thought was best. In my case, the gamer already knew that problems existed, and was considered leaving the game anyway, so it all worked out well for all involved. You might be surprised to find the same thing in your own case. Good Luck, Flynn [/QUOTE]
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