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Message: <blockquote data-quote="StupidSmurf" data-source="post: 2584013" data-attributes="member: 35893">34. Dread Chamber of Ewscray Ethay AyersplayRead the following description allowed to the players. DMs are well-warned in advance that they should know the shortest route out of the playing area, and be wearing sneakers or track shoes.“You see a massive stone/iron/mithril/adamantium/titanium steel door with a lock manufactured by the Gordian Lock Company on it. Because of the physics of the dungeon, you can’t turn back. You can only go forward. You must deal with the door. Tough noogies…suck up and deal, dice-freaks.” The lock is trapped. Whoa boy is it trapped. Attempts at finding the trap are penalized at -10/-50% penalty (depending on what system you use, including gaming with cards, colored beads, or assorted cheeses).When the trap is sprung, it sprays a spray of Inanimate Acid spray at everything in a 30’ arc. Inanimate Acid doesn’t affect living tissue, but it eats right through stuff like armor, shields, swords, helmets, bracers, and underwear. The Acid works particularly well on magic items. Oh heck yeah. The Acid likes-a da magic. So, everyone has to make as saving throw versus Breath Weapon or they each lose 2d4 magic items, or 10 magic items, whichever is greater. If any character is carrying around Rolaids or Tums (acquired no doubt thanks to the Ulcer Acquisition Table 2A), they take no damage.Once the group suffers this indignity, gleefully point out that the door wasn’t even locked, and had they just pulled on it, they wouldn’t have triggered the trap. Ha ha, stupid adventurers!Of course, pulling on the door causes it to fall forward, since the stupid thing was not mounted on its hinges. It topples forward, doing 10d100 crushing damage to anyone whose name has letters in it. Ha Ha, stupid flat adventurers. Save for half.Once inside, read the text in quotes to the players.”You are in a 30 x 30 room, with a 20’ high ceiling. There’s a door on the opposite side of the room. That’s it. The room is completely empty. And it’s safe.”When the party enters the room, panels on the wall open up and automated crossbows fire a barrage of 38 Explosive Incendiary Groin-Seeking Crossbow Bolts Dipped In Alcohol. The bolts are +20 to hit.Then the ceiling opens up like a big opening thing overhead, deploying the air cannon that fires a salvo of panicky airsick potbelly pigs with large sacks of flaming oil tied to their flanks. The air cannon fires at +30. There are 30 pigs.When the party gets halfway into the room, the floor opens up with amazing speed, dropping everyone into a trench filled with orc whiz, ogre barf, worg poo, and lime Jell-O. Oh, and the area has an Increase Gravity spells cast on it, so everyone begins sinking like a proverbial rock (or stone).The entire trench is an anti-magic zone, so no spells or items will work.Ditto for psionics. Psionics are for psissies.Anybody doing a Spot check on the bottom will find one of those nifty escape hatches with a round wheel lock type door knob. Written on it are the words “Escape Hatch”. Opening it up reveals a pitch black tunnel 3’ wide. It goes in about, oh, 5 feet, and it’s lined with razor wire. At the end of the 5’ is a Sphere of Annihilation.Should the party manage to evade the trench and make it to the other side, a door opens up, disgorging three members of the Spanish Inquisition. Since no one expects them, they gain automatic surprise on the party. The party is subjected to being tied to a dish rack, poked with a soft cushion, and forced to sit on a comfy chair until lunch time, with only a cup of coffee at eleven.Once this is done, the Inquisition goes away. The party sees a large dumpster with the word “Treshure” scrawled on it in crayon. Inside are 10,000 gold coins and a beautiful hammer. Checking out the coins, the players realize that the gold is just paint, and that each coin is a slug. No, not as in those base metal disks used to cheat vending machines. We’re talking REAL slugs, baby. We’re talking about the fact that each of those coins is actually a polymorphed Giant Slug, and the only way to revert them back to their true angry form is to, oh, let’s see…touch one? Find the stats for Slug, Giant in the Monster Manual, because frankly I have better things to do than write down something you can perfectly well look up yourself, you lazy so and so. The hammer radiates extreme eldritch magical enchanted dweomer power. That’s because the hammer is Mjolnir, the favored hammer weapon hammer of Thor, god of Thunder and big hammers. As soon as someone touches the hammer, Thor appears, enraged and mad. He wants his hammer back. He yells out “You can’t touch this!” and he kills the entire party (no save), resurrects them, kills them again, lather rinse repeat.Finally he gets tired of this, raises them one last time, gives them all a divine wedgie, and flings them through the door. Unfortunately, it’s a 500’ drop. Roll 50d6 of falling damage. Well, actually, it’s not falling damage, it’s landing damage. Save for half.Note: The publishers of World’s Stupidest Dungeon take no responsibility for beatings, lynchings and/or decapitating of Dungeon Masters at the hands of wrathful players.</blockquote>

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