Upgrade your account to a Community Supporter account and remove most of the site ads.

Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="Haldrik" data-source="post: 8082084" data-attributes="member: 6694221">[spoiler= Elf physical description]Elves are a people with supernatural grace and beauty. Their skin tones include all the browns and pinks of human skin tones, and some elves exhibit skin with bright colors like blue, green, and purple. Most elves have long faces and sharp features, including high cheekbones. Elves are famous for their pointed, leaf shaped ears, which can grow in a variety of lengths —some up to 6 inches. Elf eyes are somewhat more angular, often opening at a line parallel to their ears. They often have almond-shaped eyes and smooth eyelids. Elvish eyes can be of almost any color, and their pupils can be round, vertical, or not visible at all.[/spoiler]"Their skin tones include all the browns and pinks of human skin tones, and some elves exhibit skin with bright colors like blue, green, and purple."I like:• All elves refer to the same descriptions of complexion.• These choices are diverse. The player chooses their own character.• Terms like "some", "like", "include", "can", "often", empower the player!"They have a slight build, and stand at a height somewhere between humans and dwarves."• I prefer taller elves.• I prefer if "They tend to have a slight build", in keeping with choice. Warriors (war mages) may well be more robust. Wood Elves are muscular, and Grugach are very broad shouldered.• Maybe characterize instead: "stand about human height on average, but vary more, both shorter and taller.""Most elves have long faces and sharp features, including high cheekbones. Elves are famous for their pointed, leaf shaped ears, which can grow in a variety of lengths —some up to 6 inches."• "Long faces, high cheek bones, pointed ears" − sounds good to me!• "ears, which can grow" − I like this word "can" − let player decide the ears."Elf eyes are somewhat more angular, often opening at a line parallel to their ears."• Seems a bit too specific. These can interfere with how players imagine their own character. Still the word "often", helps here, because sometimes not."They often have almond-shaped eyes and smooth eyelids. Elvish eyes can be of almost any color, and their pupils can be round, vertical, or not visible at all."• Sounds good to me."Elves are a people with supernatural grace and beauty."• This is the very first sentence, that the reader reads about ALL ELVES. It is the thesis statement for the many pages of descriptions about elves. Yet, it seems the least clear and least helpful.• The descriptions of "grace" and "beauty" feel hollow to me, when they dont correlate with any gaming mechanics.• "Supernatural beauty"? What does this even mean? As a reader, I expect this mysterious supernatural beauty to be so stunning that it causes some kind of supernatural effect on any viewer whose eyes gaze upon an elf.• If so, I want to be able to choose an Elf heritage feature, called "Comeliness", or "Elf Shine", that maybe boosts the chance to charm or persuade if in line of sight. Or something like that. And make it supernatural. Make the beauty so "radiant", that the Elf literally shines bright light out to 10 feet!• "Grace". I am guessing this word "grace" was originally intended as a synonym for "high Dexterity". But. If Level Up doesnt force Elves to have high Dexterity, this term "grace" makes less sense. And "supernatural grace" − what does that mean? Probably drop the word "grace" from the Elf intro. Add the word to a choice of traits that a player can choose, who wants high Dex.• The first sentence about elves, needs to say something that the Elf trait mechanics will later prove to be true.In sum, make the beauty supernatural, the height taller, and keep on using term that encourage a player to personalize ones character.</blockquote>

Verification