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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Bohandas" data-source="post: 9483083" data-attributes="member: 7015707">8.) Myths and LegendsGod the Bro and Death the Narc[crappy edda-knockoff frame story]King Lofte traveled and sought the wisdom of ages. He came to a campus so large he could not find the end of it, and stopped in a house so tall he could not see the top and covered in runes all about. In the house there were three sofas and in each sat a man. He asked what the names of these were. The name of the first was Highest, the name of the second was Just-As-High, and the name of the third was Baked.Said Heita, "How came the world into existence, or how did it rise?"Made answer to him Highest, "It is said:[main text]In the beginning God the Bro was alone and had no one to party with, so he created the first man [and other sentient beings as appropriate to setting]. And the first man said "dude, that was cool, you'be gotta show me how you did that". And so God the Bro created the beasts and animals. And the first man toked and drank with God the Bro for many years until finally they had run out of weed and beer. And so God the Bro created the plants and foliage and every kind of mushroom so that there might be more weed and beer and the party could go on.All still was not perfect however. "Hey this party's a sausagefest" said the first man" and so God the Bro created women. And for ages all was chill.However, all of the partying and animals and sentient beings angered God the Bro's downstairs neighbor, the Lord of Gloom, the Gloomy King of the Underworld, and he schemed to bring the partying to an end, and sought to entrap the first man.The King of the Gloomy Underworld, the Lord of Gloom, he invited the first man [and other sapient beings; season to taste] to dine with him at a formal function in the Underworld. He ordered his flunky, the Lord of Flunkies, the King of Flunkies, to prepare a seven course meal. Five coirses of a seven course meal were served. Not knowing the rules of the dead, the first man partook of the first five courses.Sudeenly God the Bro burst in warning "Dude! Bro! Dude! He's trying to trick you! Don't finish that meal or he shall own you forever""It is too late" replied the lord of the underworld, "he has already consumed the food of the underworld, so in the underworld he must stay.""But two sevenths remain uneaten, so you may only hold him five sevenths of the time"And so from then on mankind has had to work for five days out of every seven, their bodies and minds toiling while their spirits descend to the underworld.But the Lord of Gloom still schemed to entrap mankind as they multiplied, by making up new rules that all would have to follow.One day, as the first man was drinking vodka, the Lord of Gloom came to take him away.God the Bro protested "Hey, where are you taking my bro!?""He has transgressed the unwritten law: No drinking more than half a kilogram of ethanol in one sitting. For this he will be imprisoned in the underworld for all time. From now on there will be order"And so the Lord of Gloom, The Gloomy King of the Underworld, added more and more rules.He took people for eating too much, so they stopped eating. Then he took people for not eating at all. He took people for colliding with things too quickly, and for not getting out of the way of other things. And finally he started taking people just for being around too long. Thus death came into the world.</blockquote>

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