Losing friends over GAMES...

[HellHound]

In the past year I have gotten out of touch, intentionally, with an OLD high-school friend of mine. We used to game together a lot, and we were best men at each other's weddings.

But he can't stand d20.

He can't stand it SO much, that EVERY time I bring it up in ANY capacity (and it's hard not to, since he asks how I'm doing and how work is going, and I'm a freakin' d20 freelancer and publisher right now), he HAS to have a tirade against the system, or at least mention how much he hates it...

Me: "Yeah, getting paid to play and write D&D stuff!"
Him: "Crap, my condolences, that must suck.. I mean, it's bad enough that I have to work at the factory, but that must be aweful. I really hate D&D."

It bothers me enough that I purposefully don't call him anymore and we now see each other less than once every two months for the Car Wars events...

Considering that I feel he's one of the best gamers I've ever gamed with, and an age-old friend... this just plain sucks.

I guess there isn't much reason for this post except to vent. Maybe I should post it to my livejournal instead of here...

 

[Buttercup]

Have you tried telling him how uncomfortable his D20 bashing makes you?

 

[Balgus]

Maybe he is just using DND as an excuse to vent about his crappy life. In your example, he works at a DND factory. I would hate my lif etoo, and th elack of upward mobility coupled with long hours and crappy pay would make me feel very badly, especially my employer.

Try talking to him, if you really care what he thinks. I would just ask him why he hates it so much?

BUt i don't think you should let something like that get in th emiddle of friendship. You admitted he has been your friend for a great while- from school to wedding to now. And I would hate for something like this to get in the way.

Which gets me to thinking, if he gamed with you all those years ago, why does he all of a sudden hate it now? something to talk about...

 

[HellHound]

We didnt' play D&D since high school.

I've run Call of Cthulhu with him for two years... CyberPunk 2020 for nine... Traveller, MegaTraveller, Villains & Vigilantes and more...

But not D&D.

And he HATES it. He blames it for a lot of the ills the industry suffered in the late 90's (even though we talked that over and he knows better now, knowing something and coming to terms with it are two different things).

He hates the granularity of a level system. He hates character classes, BAB, Saving Throws, he hates EVERYTHING that can be "D&D" about it. He hates the d20 system, even though it's almost identical to many systems he used to like. In his opinion, an RPG isn't worth it if the system itself isn't innovative. He wants the Godlike System, the L5R system, or the StoryTeller System (but not anymore, because it's not innovative anymore).

But the fact remains that, even after telling him that these conversations get me down, it still comes up every time we talk.

 

[Crothian]

There just seems like there has to be some underlieing reason for this hatred. I know of more then a few anti d20 people, but once I explain my feelings of it towards them they tone it down. And these are life long friends, more like friends of friends.

If you want to keep the friendship, I'd advise having a talk to him. Tell you that his attitude bothers you and if he cannot alter it, then the friendship is through. Hopefully, the friendship is more important to him then his views on the RPG industry.

 

[ColonelHardisson]

I get the feeling he's going to end up with no one to game with. Being so unbending over what is ultimately a trivial matter, and something which is supposed to be fun to boot, isn't conducive to putting together a gaming group, or becoming part of one.

 

[Umbran]

There just seems like there has to be some underlieing reason for this hatred.

One would like that to be the case, yes. But it isn't necessarily so. People come up with rabid dislikes without reason. Our species is only partially rational...

However, you are right in that HellHound needs to talk to his friend. Really. It seems that lack of communication is causing lack of communication, which is just... well silly.

 

[pogre]

Is there an undercurrent of jealousy? It seems as though his rant against D20 may be job envy.

 

[Henry]

Jason, if the "factory analogy" you used is true, then it may really be a little bit of envy. I assume you've told him that, to the contrary, it doesn't suck for you to do what you do. This may reinforce the job envy idea. After all, it is rare in society to actually do something that you love and get paid for it, or even make a living off it.

If he's somebody you truly cherish still, it's worth it to bring it up. You've cut him off right now as it is; you stand little to lose if you bring it up in a heart to heart next time you ever see him.

However, just because someone was your best man at your wedding does not mean that you and the person must necessarily be close now. My best man at the time of my wedding lives 200 miles away, and I hardly ever talk to him any more. We still are on good terms, but we have sadly fallen out of one anothers' lives as careers and family choices have migrated us apart.

Instances like this force you to think about what you REALLY value out of a relationship with a person. If it causes more harm than good to maintain said relationship, you have to evaluate whether the relationship in question is really worth having.

I hope what I said makes some sense, even though I can't give advice in a situation like that; although sometimes it may help if someone can put it in perspective.

Take Care,

Henry

 

[Paul_Klein]

Just to play Devil's Advocate here:

If *I* worked at a crummy factory that I hate, and my friend was constantly spitting out lines like "Work is great! I get paid to write and play what I love!", I'd not only be jealous, but also pissed off too. Not pissed *because* I was jeaous, but pissed becuase I would think that it would be proper to use a bit more tact when talking about your job to me ... someone who hates his job.