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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Piratecat" data-source="post: 794140" data-attributes="member: 2">"Broken"by SagiroA tour of the Rulebooks for your 3rd Edition Reveals a hard truth of the human condition You give all us nerds a nice ENBoard stage And we'll find something BROKEN on every dang page! Broke classes, broke magic, broke weapons, broke rules, These rules were released by a conflux of fools! Whoever said "Sure, this is balanced enough." Had never seen Munchkins out strutting their stuff. You're looking for trouble? Try telekinesis!It doesn't sound bad but consider this thesis: I haul up a cart that is loaded with arrows,The next thing you know they're all flying like sparrows! I've unleashed a hailstorm of miniature missiles They'll stick you like barbs and they'll prick you like thistles Each one does a measly d4 points of pain But a barrel of broadheads will blast out your brain! And what about haste? It's obscenely absurd. It's better than eyebite or unholy word.It doubles the output of spells for the caster, Creating a cackling spell-casting master! And if haste is broken, then harm is destroyed, A divine caster's H-Bomb divinely deployed.A touch attack takes down a Tarrasque to two! A quickened inflict and your troubles are through. Now polymorph other just asks for abuse Change your friends! Change your foes! It's got use upon use! Just turn all your fighters to Giants and Trolls, While your enemies get to be goldfish and voles. And if you have doubts about polymorph other, Just check out shape change, its 9th level big brother. Your poor Dungeon Master will pull out her hair When you pluck this sick stratagem out of thin air: First fly overhead while your foe wonders why, Then change to an adamant cube in the sky! A block that is hundreds of feet in dimension Is sure to draw lots of astonished attention. The players you play with will shout out with joy While your DM will look a bit shocked at the ploy But the best part is grabbing that handful of dice and rolling those four thousand D-sixes -- twice! It may take you hours to count all those pips while the DM looks on with a-quivering lips But wait 'til you see the sad look in her eye When you ask "I do twelve thousand points... did it die?" But enough about shape change -- let's talk about chains. The spike-adorned chain is a game-master's bane. This rockin' reach weapon, expertly employed Can render your NPC warrantees Void. And what of that greatsword with liquid inside? It does extra damage without a downside! Its physics are faulty, there's no doubt about it, but smack-downish Munchkins won't leave home without it. Without silly swords or a chain rife with spikes, A fine Bladed Gauntlet will bolster your strikes And if that still fails to fulfill your demands, Try Crossbows (repeating) equipped in both hands!Are any feats broken? Here for your submission Are Prodigy, Manyshot, Expert Tactician. But Great Cleave and Whirlwind make other Feats pale:Just watch what I do with this bucket of snails! Absurd magic items? There’s plenty to spare,And that’s just the ones you find under “footwear.”There’s Striding and Springing and Speed a la BootsThat take none of the labor but give all the fruits!A quite broken class that rains death from above is the Order of Bow, the Initiate of. With its Archery Zen and its Sneak Attacks rangedAnd its opportunistic attacks fast exchangedThe Crescent Moon Ninja’s another exampleOf prestige class madness. Just look at its sampleOf special class powers; they must have been high! This Ninja’s a thing for which Munchkins would die!And what of the Archmage? The guy is a terror!The Duelist’s a standard smack-down standard-bearer.The Hospitaler has a whack BAB,The Shifter can shift all she wants… and it’s free!There’s nothing that’s fair and there’s nothing that’s justIt fills a fair-minded DM with disgust!Persistent Spell, forcecage, miasma and shield – Is there anything here that should not be repealed?Forget it! I’m giving this game up for good.I should…And I would…And I certainly could……oh, but maybe I just have an unfair impression.Fine.Pass the d20.I’ll play one more session. the end</blockquote>

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