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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Rel" data-source="post: 1967639" data-attributes="member: 99">I figured I'd mention something that you didn't ask about, Olive, because I think it factors in heavily to the issue of marriage and having a stable, good one.  What follows is purely my opinion but it is backed up by most of the people who I've discussed the issue with.If you've been in a relationship with someone for a lengthy period (a couple years or more), whether you're living together or not, marriage is probably not a huge adjustment.  Certainly there are some different considerations about things like how you handle finances and household chores and such.  But the relationship is fundamentally similar to the way it was before.What really takes an adjustment is having kids.  All of a sudden you have this completely helpless person who relies upon you for EVERYTHING.  And EVERYTHING is exactly what you seem to have less of too.  Less time, less money, less patience and a hell of a lot less sleep.  Fortunately (for the entire human race) babies are adorable and none is more adorable than your own.  You will never love anything like you love that child.  It is a soul-wrenching, terrifying kind of love for something that you simply cannot stand the thought of losing.  And it is wonderful.But it is also a stressor.  That love and devotion you have for your child can also drive somewhat of a wedge between you and your spouse if you're not careful.  Differences in the way you parent the child, differences in your hopes and dreams for the child and certainly differences in the way the child behaves toward you all seem to highlight the the ways you and your spouse are not alike.  I won't write a book about it here but there are plenty of them out there on the subject.This is the point where some of the earlier advice by Mercule really rings true.  You have got to figure out a way to keep your marital relationship with your spouse foremost with all of the other pressures that having a child entail.  If you lose sight of the original relationship that your children sprang from (and, as barsoomcore said, it is a thing unto itself) then it will wither and die and it is a hell of a lot more difficult to bring it back from the dead later than it is to do some preventive maintenance on it now.I've navigated these tricky waters myself over the last few years and my wife and I have managed to come out of the whole thing intact if not unscathed.  Our marriage is as happy now as it ever has been and our cup truly doth runneth over.  But I wish somebody had pounded this point home with me so I had been a bit more careful along the way.</blockquote>

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