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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Knightfall" data-source="post: 2781124" data-attributes="member: 2012">I guess, in my fervor of replying to ssampier's situation, I didn't clarify enough what I meant. The truth is when I say I don't speak "Code", I was referring more to the concept of presenting oneself (on either side of the equation) as being less than truthful or trustworthy. The concept of being a jerk/bitch in the worse possible way imaginable.Call "that" the Vile Code [sup]TM[/sup], if you will. I do understand the basics of the use of code in society, as a species thing. (I was in computer sales for a long time.) I know that code, but don't get many chances to practice the craft. (I don't mean just relationships.)Anyone who knows my situation, as I've stated in the past on other threads, understands what I mean.I guess you can say, right now, I'm a bit of an outsider watching others play, as I have more important issues to deal with. Thus, my point of view is a bit skewed.Frustration in all aspects of my life have led me to become very jaded and overtly protective of my feelings. Thus, I tend to rant about the injustice of the Code of Life [sup]TM[/sup] more than I should.Am I miserable? Yes, but not because of a lack of sexual/romantic success. (And not every day.) Do I consider myself morally virtuous? God No! <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f61b.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":p" title="Stick out tongue    :p"  data-smilie="7"data-shortname=":p" /> TB, you're one of the many people here on EN World that makes this place great. I know you're intent is to be helpful, even if it is with a blunt object.Sigh. I understand. Like I said, life is tough right now for a lot of reasons, and that frustration found its way into my post. I won't ever believe in the Vile Code [sup]TM[/sup], but I understand and accept the Code of Life [sup]TM[/sup] as being part of society. However, that doesn't mean I have to like "certain aspects" of even that code. <img src="http://www.enworld.org/forum/images/smilies/devious.png"  class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":]" title="Devious    :]" data-shortname=":]" /> As I suspected. Plus, I must point out I rarely go anywhere near night clubs anymore. I just don't find such places entertaining. I'm happier spending time with friends at the movies, in pool halls, and at sports bars (hockey, hockey!).And, as "not" being one of "those guys", let me say that from the other side of the fence, it can be more than a little frustrating to watch you succeed time and time again. However, I'm sure you've been rejected from time to time. "Without failure, you cannot learn."Wise, blunt advice. As for me, there isn't a game for me at all right now, but I've already stated why, so I'll leave it at that.I'll simply say "I'm not a jerk, but I'm not a nice guy either."Okay, you got me. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f631.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":o" title="Eek!    :o"  data-smilie="9"data-shortname=":o" /> I let my troubles and personal flaws influence what I wrote. However, they are "my biases" for a reason. My life is not your life, and vice versa. I've lived through things, some that I handled fine, some that I didn't handle at all. It has made me torn between the things in life I love and the things I cannot stand.Basically, I'm a mess. However, unlike 10 years ago, I now understand why I'm a mess and am trying to find a way too work through the worst of it. Meds, therapy, family & friends, exercise, and, yes, even EN World.Also, I now have come to realize what "being alone" really means. A relationship would be great, but just being without a girlfriend (or a wife) doesn't even come close to being truly alone. I've been there -- my own fault, no one elses' -- and I nearly destroyed myself.Anyway...I'm not alone as long as I have my family and friends. I am miserable for more than I could ever say here, but I'm trying to get better. There is a lot of sadness in my life, but it has to do more with recent events -- one in particular. (Christmas will be hard this year.)However, I'm not okay being without some sort of loving relationship, but I know it won't solve the sadness. Would it make my life better? I would like to believe that? I use to believe it. I don't know how I lost that belief, but I did. It makes me anger and it makes my heart ache with sorrow. I suspect that is has been a gradual process over the last 15 years, due to more reasons than I could ever go into here (or probably should).Regards,Knightfall1972</blockquote>

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