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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Mistwell" data-source="post: 85501" data-attributes="member: 2525">Repost - Comments on Heat One EntriesReposted from earlier:Well, I'm gonna take the plunge, and comment on all the specific entries in this first batch. I'm not doing this to be critical of people, or judge them or their entry, or influence votes in any way. I'm only doing this because I know that I like honest feedback on my work, and I assume others want that as well. That said, I'm not looking for a debate on my opinions (they are just my opinions, which means they are only worth whatever value you put on them, which is probably none  .) I also won't mention who I voted for in each batch. To make sure I don't influence people's votes in any way in favor of my entry (I just entered the contest for fun, to get my feet wet on writing adventures in preparation for other contests that have more serious prizes at stake), I've asked a friend of mine to write their own opinion of my entry, and I have/will insert that opinion in the appropriate place instead of my own. That friend is fairly critical of stuff, so it probably won't help my chances (as if anyone really cares). Maybe my entry is in this first batch, and maybe not  . A brief word on this discussion about the rules. Pretend for a moment you are writing an adventure for Dragon Magazine and/or Dungeon. They have editorial (and time constraint) rules that you MUST MUST MUST obey. There is no spirit of the rules, there is no sorta-follows-the-rules. You follow them, or you get rejected. Period. This contest is, in a way, a test for people who want to write adventures for various d20 publishers in the future. In that sense, following the rules may be more important than the content of your entry. So, I am personally placing a lot of emphasis on your ability to follow the rules when voting. But then, I am a lawyer by trade, so I am probably way more anal about that sort of stuff than others. Enough ranting, on to the entries: Put to the Sword (EL 2) Nice encounter, and I really like the fresh background provided for the Feast of the Kindred and the Quest of Draahl. However, each element (encounter, setting, and NPC) is directly linked to the other elements. It’s fine to link the encounter itself to the NPC and location (expected even). It isn’t okay to have, under this set of rules, the location (labeled specifically for Therva and the alligator), and the NPC (who’s description is directly linked to the encounter and location) linked to the others. Catch As Catch Can (EL 3) I really liked this encounter, and found it very sweet in some ways. Perhaps it’s because I have a friend who likes fishing, and who I can see getting in trouble in the same was as the old halfling did here. However, the “location” lacks a bit on the details (as in, it has NO details, other than it’s just calm water). I can’t really reuse that “location”. Would have been nice to have more substance here to use (like something in the water making fish grow big, or some reason why nobody else is fishing this location, or a halfling village to go with the river, or a dock, an island, anything.) Also, the font used is Verdana, not Times New Roman. However, Verdana doesn’t save space for the author (in fact, I think it is even a slightly larger font than Times New Roman), so I wouldn’t ding the author much for use of the wrong font in this case. The Centaur's Very Bad Day (EL 6) I like the NPC, Vhellk, and I like how easily this encounter can be adapted to almost any level of PC’s for a short encounter. However, he is linked to the encounter in the description, and the location is labeled for the encounter, and not for independent use (there is no independent legend for A, B, and C on the encounter, and Vhellk is basically listed as an icon on the map, though a cool icon at that). L'amour de Erinyes (EL 7) I liked the background on the Erinyes and her curse. However the location is linked to the NPC. Though the author attempts to avoid this link, without the NPC, a DM would just have to make up one virtually identical to the one offered. The NPC is also linked to the encounter. Without the encounter, we have no idea who Delzegorx or what the references to her background mean. Harmonies in the Snow (EL 8) Very interesting. I particularly like the singing crystals that produce spells in the Singing Valley, and may adapt them for use in my campaign. Only flaw is the bard faerie dragon is directly linked to the location in his description, though this could be fixed without too much hassle. Bad Cats Day (EL 8-16) I like Kaihus, and thought it was particularly unique to combine Lycanthropy with a Psion class. The Location references Kaihus pretty heavily, however, and it seems the author, almost as an afterthought, tried to separate the valley location from Kaihus at the last minute (though it doesn’t work as well without him, since you now need a justification for such a diverse pack of felines living together near the carving). Kaihus’ description also references the location a bit (in mentioning the cats becoming lazy because of his tactics in attracting people to the valley), though is easily removed. The Portal (EL 12) I liked the tower challenges, and it reminded me a bit of a deadlier version of the Xanth castle challenges from Piers Anthony (at least, those I read before Piers became a formula hack in this series). However, Angrax, the tower’s NPC guardian, is directly linked to both the encounter and the location. Pretty much his whole being is wrapped up in the location at this point, and I don’t see how useful he would be outside of the context of the location (though I suppose with some work you could change what he is guarding). *Cough*, I Feel *Cough* Great! (EL 14) My first impression of this encounter is that the author felt the need to seriously mess with the margins of the document in order to fit it all in three pages, and that isn’t in the spirit of the rules (in fact, I believe some printers would have trouble printing this document without readjusting the margins and pushing it to a fourth page). Despite the margin issue, there’s a lot to like about this encounter. The goddess is an interesting NPC, and her ploy to bilk peasants out of their possessions is well thought out, as is her background. Unfortunately, the location has no meaning outside of the NPC, and is tailored specifically to the encounter. An Unexpected Visitor Drops In (EL 18) In my opinion, this is the only entry of this first batch that actually completely follows the rules. The location makes no mention of the encounter or NPC, and the NPC makes no mention of the encounter or location, and the encounter nicely ties the location and NPC together. That said, this is a fairly interesting entry. Aharon Yediot is a powerful, well thought-out NPC. I can see him being put into a high-level campaign in almost any location (any plane, for that matter). The egg too is very powerful, well-described, and easily located anywhere (except the positive and negative planes). Finally, the map at the end is helpful, while the illustration is rather beautiful. One note: The height of any given level in the Egg is, at most, 6 feet (and probably a bit less, accounting for the thickness of each floor/roof and the shell itself). This probably should have been mentioned, since some PC’s may have to crouch down to fit. Also, the Egg appears to be built to hold one person, and I’m curious how many people the author thinks the Egg could hold comfortably, or uncomfortably. Reader’s should take note of the EL 18 for this encounter. That is an accurate EL I think, and the Egg would be too powerful in the hands of an inexperienced party. Mistwell</blockquote>

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