jasper
Rotten DM
post a letter etc from the monster viewpoint giving tactics, warnings etc about adventurers.
Here is a troll.
The following conversation was scried by Sissy Sue Sorcerer
Voices Timothy T. Troll father, Tiny Tim Son.
Timothy T. Troll: Son put down your dwarf leg and pays attention to me.
Tiny Tim: No! Me eat!
Timothy: Son listen to me before I rip your arm off and beat you with it.
Tiny: No! NO! No!
Timothy: AAARGH.
Next three minutes faint sounds of combat. A ripping sound followed by spanking and Tiny crying.
Timothy: Do worry about son, it grows back soon. Now, listen to pop give the facts of life. The world is big and dangerous place. It has two major groups in it. Food and non-food. Non-food is like rocks, gold, and water. Everything else is food. Food has many different sizes, shapes, flavors, actions and groupings.
Some food is safer to eat than others. Trees are safe to eat but have lots of roughage. And a woody taste. But trees don’t run so are easily hunted. Fish is good brain food. They smart enough to live in water. Water is stronger than fire. Fishes don’t fry. Which is a smart thing, which I will tell about later. Deer are quick but gamely. Some deer have pointed head pieces these hurt but make great toothpicks.
How trollanoids have lots of variety. Halflings are nice bite sized snacks. So are gnomes. Dwarfs and Elves are nice meals. Humans and others are a nice sit down meal. But be warned all these travel in packs. Dangerous packs called adventurers.
Adventurers pack run from four to eight members. Sometimes more. If the pack is more than you have fingers, run away and live. Now the differed members of the packs can be told by their hides. Son! Pull off that dwarf’s beard and pay attention.
Soft hides called Wizos. Mainly due to the fact they wiz on themselves if they are within arm’s reach. These are the most dangerous. They have given their souls and first born to the dark gods to summon fire at will. Fire bad. They chant a lot before they summon fire.
Normal hides called roads. These pack members are sneaky. They hide in shadows. They get behind you and put knives in your back or cut your ankles. Some are nimble enough to do fancy moves to get pass you. Make sure to swing at them often.
Steel hides called clerks and fighters. Their shells are hard to crack but you can boil them in their shells for a good soup. Their weapons vary also but they move slowly. The only way to tell the difference between clerks and fighters is clerks pause to chant like wizos but do not often summon fire.
All adventurers carry viles. The Viles can contain fire which sticks or acid. That is why I man this bridge. I eat pretty regularly and in case of fire or acid jump in the water to get away.
Now eat your halfling and go to sleep.
Notes from Sissy Sue Sorcerer
Around midnight Tiny Tim woke up hungry and ate Timothy T. Troll.
Here is a troll.
The following conversation was scried by Sissy Sue Sorcerer
Voices Timothy T. Troll father, Tiny Tim Son.
Timothy T. Troll: Son put down your dwarf leg and pays attention to me.
Tiny Tim: No! Me eat!
Timothy: Son listen to me before I rip your arm off and beat you with it.
Tiny: No! NO! No!
Timothy: AAARGH.
Next three minutes faint sounds of combat. A ripping sound followed by spanking and Tiny crying.
Timothy: Do worry about son, it grows back soon. Now, listen to pop give the facts of life. The world is big and dangerous place. It has two major groups in it. Food and non-food. Non-food is like rocks, gold, and water. Everything else is food. Food has many different sizes, shapes, flavors, actions and groupings.
Some food is safer to eat than others. Trees are safe to eat but have lots of roughage. And a woody taste. But trees don’t run so are easily hunted. Fish is good brain food. They smart enough to live in water. Water is stronger than fire. Fishes don’t fry. Which is a smart thing, which I will tell about later. Deer are quick but gamely. Some deer have pointed head pieces these hurt but make great toothpicks.
How trollanoids have lots of variety. Halflings are nice bite sized snacks. So are gnomes. Dwarfs and Elves are nice meals. Humans and others are a nice sit down meal. But be warned all these travel in packs. Dangerous packs called adventurers.
Adventurers pack run from four to eight members. Sometimes more. If the pack is more than you have fingers, run away and live. Now the differed members of the packs can be told by their hides. Son! Pull off that dwarf’s beard and pay attention.
Soft hides called Wizos. Mainly due to the fact they wiz on themselves if they are within arm’s reach. These are the most dangerous. They have given their souls and first born to the dark gods to summon fire at will. Fire bad. They chant a lot before they summon fire.
Normal hides called roads. These pack members are sneaky. They hide in shadows. They get behind you and put knives in your back or cut your ankles. Some are nimble enough to do fancy moves to get pass you. Make sure to swing at them often.
Steel hides called clerks and fighters. Their shells are hard to crack but you can boil them in their shells for a good soup. Their weapons vary also but they move slowly. The only way to tell the difference between clerks and fighters is clerks pause to chant like wizos but do not often summon fire.
All adventurers carry viles. The Viles can contain fire which sticks or acid. That is why I man this bridge. I eat pretty regularly and in case of fire or acid jump in the water to get away.
Now eat your halfling and go to sleep.
Notes from Sissy Sue Sorcerer
Around midnight Tiny Tim woke up hungry and ate Timothy T. Troll.
