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Message: <blockquote data-quote="AuroraGyps" data-source="post: 1986027" data-attributes="member: 1166">UpdateOk, so here's what happened today.  I got a call at about 9AM this morning from my therapist, asking what was going on.  I told her about the messages I'd left for her, how I'd mentioned to the receptionist that I wasn't getting calls back, that I left a message for the office manager, and about how upset I was.  She said she only got the message about rescheduling, from last week, and the upset message to the office manager, so everything must have been a technical problem  (which I figure goes back to about Jan 14... that's pretty bad) I guess.  I'm not thrilled with the reason, but there's not much I can do about it.  I told her about how things were going for me (badly) and was crying.  She was very concerned about me.  I told her I was out of meds (which was mentioned in one of the "lost" messages) and wondered if the Shrink could just call a prescription for a weeks meds to get me through to my appointment on Feb 4.  No go... not with me so upset and not even if he talked to me on the phone, he wanted to see me in person.  She called back around 10AM to say the fit me in at 2:15.  I hung up the phone and burst into tears again.  With me being depressed and stressed out, I hadn't showered since Mon (gross, I know, but I spent my days waiting next to the phone and by night, I was so emotionally drained from not getting called, I just went to sleep) and I wasn't sure if I was up to going out (my original post mentions how I get to the place) or up to seeing these people face to face.  I called again, and left a message saying I just couldn't do it, that I'd just have to wait till next week, and that it was my hang up and I'd just have to deal.  She called back at 12 and said she really wanted me to come in and just throw on a coat to catch the bus in 15 minutes ( that was the bus I had to take to make it.. the next bus was at 1:50) so I could make the appointment, and I mentioned the not having showered thing and that I really wasn't up to it (aka freaking out and upset).  She asked when I could make it and I said about 3, so she said relax, take a shower, and we'll see ya down here.  Well, I actually made it.  She gave me a hug and said she was so happy I made it and that she was proud.  Then I went to see the shrink.  He asked more questions than the first time I met him (he just wrote scripts and I left) and I rambled about all the stuff I was going through and feeling.  I showed him the papers he signed and he replied," I don't fill these out dear (my therapist was supposed to fill out the info, he just signs it) and passed the buck to the office girls.  However, he filled it all out right there and then wrote me scripts for everything I'm on.  He also asked me what I wanted to do about my meds... how should I know, I haven't even taken a college course, but I told him about what the meds I'm on do and what other meds have/haven't done, so I'm on the same stuff.  So, all is well, I guess.  I got back to where I live, ran to the grocery store, picked up a ton of stuff (mostly comfort food <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin    :D"  data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" />) since I knew I was taking a taxi home because I had to buy kittie litter and I wasn't gonna carry that home.  I feel a bit more relaxed and plan to try to give my brain a break this weekend.  Also, I finally got my Spike (from BtVS) calender from Amazon today after the weather delayed it's delivery (YAY!).  I do have an appointment downtown w/ Social Services (bleh) (it's about whether I can work or do I get training... I was determined to be disabled by the guy guy I saw and it's the same guy I'm seeing this time) AND I got paperwork regarding my SSI being denied and how I should have a appeal hearing in about a year (grrr).  Mostly talking to my therapist every other week.  I have alot of issues to deal with (anger over my divorce, depression, not having friends, how to make friends (I'm kinda rusty), the anxiety problem, dealing with stress) so we have alot of ground to cover.  Alot of the time, we just try to get me through whatever's getting to me at the time.  We are also planning on working out a treatment plan, but I'm not sure what her methods are with that yet.  My panic attacks aren't like what alot people hear as the classic symptoms, like dizzyness, feeling like you're having a heart attack, breaking out in a sweat.  For me, I get really tense mentally and physically.  My neck and back get all tight.  Sometimes, my hands get kinda shaky and I'll get jumpy.  That's mostly when I get in a tense situation.  If it's me not being able to go somewhere, it's kinda like I'm paralyzed.  I keep trying to get going, get ready, and it's like something's fighting me.  I get more and more tense and upset, which makes it harder and harder to fight my problem and get going.  It's exhausting mentally, emotionally, and physically.  The last symptom, is that when I'm "freaking out" my mind is just racing, sometimes running through several different thoughts all at once.  I can't focus, I can't think, and so it's even HARDER to concentrate on doing whatever I'm trying to do.  All of it is really tiring and sometimes all I can do after is sleep (plus, I tend to pick being unconscious to freaking out most times.... although sometimes that bites me in the butt when I have a nightmare).  Hope that answers your questions.  Don't worry about asking, I'm cool with talking about it.  Yeah, it's kinda embarrasing, but I was always pretty open about talking about it and the things I did hold back, messed up things later.So, again, I thank the wonderful members of ENWorld.  Don't know what I'd do without you guys and gals.  I REALLY appreciate everything... the support, the advice, everything.Now, I am off to share some vanilla ice cream with the kittie and then do some reading in bed.  Night all.</blockquote>

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