My Fantasy storys, would like reviews and idea for improvement (maybe for campaign)

[WilliamWriter]

Heya
i was wondering if any of you...seasoned fantasy fans could read and review my fantasy story at http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=737336 . You can post a review at the site. I was thinking about using this as a game setting but i was wondering if anyone could give me tips on coverting the ideas and settings into rules.
thanks in advance for anyone who helps
-William

 

[Mark]

The best advice I could give you is on the converting. Go to this link-

http://www.opengamingfoundation.org/index.html

-and to the official WotC site for their SRD and OGL pages. Get to know them well before deciding how you will approach converting.

Good luck!

 

[Rhialto]

The chapters could be joined together--or padded out a bit...

And I think the grammar needs some work.

Sigh...

Makes me afraid to ask if you'd give my little piece of work a look...

http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=740185