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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Gnarlo" data-source="post: 1722199" data-attributes="member: 2995">My turn to ask for relationship advice <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":(" title="Frown    :("  data-smilie="3"data-shortname=":(" /> . It's extremely embarrassing to have to do this; I thought I could figure this out on my own, but I'm at a loss. Don't worry about sugar coating the truth, I can take it.Most of you don't really know me that well, but from reading your messages, I'm sure many of you will understand the situation I'm in and, hell, have probably been in something very similar before. I've gotten myself deep into one of the most MIXED-UP relationships I've ever been in, and quite frankly, am not sure what the hell I'm going to do here.OK. Well, there is this girl I was first attracted to a long time ago. She worked for the same company as I did ( I work for a major corporation that I can't talk about because of my NDA, but I can say has been in the news quite a bit recently. We mostly do military research.) I work in one of the labs, she worked in supply and transport, and was away for loooonng periods of time. I'd always hoped that we'd be able to get a REAL relationship going, but I'd had to settle for a on-again/off-again long distance affair <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":(" title="Frown    :("  data-smilie="3"data-shortname=":(" /> . I was building up my courage to have a talk with her about getting serious and how I really needed a stable relationship when it happened. On one of her trips, she'd heard this broadcast on the radio that really intrigued her, she said it was as if it had "woke her up out of a deep sleep". I wasn't really worried about this, I had girlfriends back in college that acted the same way when they found a new band that was unknown at the time, it's like being little known increases their importance. She was really intrigued by it, and half way through her run made a detour because she "had to go check it out". Now, I hope I'm not misrepresenting her here; she's not the new-agey, dead-head band roadie that I'm probably presenting her as. In fact, she was usually an absolute stickler for the rules; hell, she wouldn't let a sick friend ride with her since it was against company policy. Looking back on it I guess it was just her young age and immaturity that made her do it, as she was acting totally alien to how she usually behaved; she kept finding "hidden meaning" in the sound, although it just sounded like a bunch of noise to me. Anyway, long story short, there was a horrible accident and she wrecked the rig; unfortunately, a few people died as well <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":(" title="Frown    :("  data-smilie="3"data-shortname=":(" /> .  I guess she was very scared since she vanished right after the accident. (In retrospect, I should have seen it coming due to the immaturity, she always had been VERY dependent upon her mother).She disappeared for a long time, and I thought I'd never see her again. Then one day she turned up again out of sheer luck, and joy entered my life once more. She was in a LOT of trouble over the accident, but somehow managed to avoid going to jail. In some way, she always was the luckiest AND unluckiest person I've ever known. Our company even found a job for her. Needless to say, she lost her license, and I ended up driving her everywhere. That lasted a while, but she was always dissatisfied with life and (I found out later) was having nightmares about the accident. She went into one of those "find myself" periods. She joined up with the military for a while; then she actually thought about adopting a little girl for a while. I think maybe with her issues  with the accident she had basically seperating her forever from her old life, maybe she thought she could find some stability with a child and be a better guardian than her mother had been. I know, it was a stupid idea, but I tried to be supportive at the time. And I didn't have a lot of sayso in the matter; it wasn't like we were engaged or anything. Well, trouble seemed to follow her like a bad penny, she had some bad calls and ended up spending some time in prison. There she met this group of skinheads and ended up taking up with them. I know, everyone is screaming up the screens right now "RUN! RUN LIKE HELL!" but she's really a special girl; it's really not her fault she's just had some back luck in her life. She just tended to be very impressionable. It's as if this same bad force keeps re-occurring in her life over and over, trying to take her over, and she's powerless to stop it. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":(" title="Frown    :("  data-smilie="3"data-shortname=":(" />I think the whole parenting and stability issue was always in the back of her mind even then and in that horrible environment. Well, as you might have guessed, she ended up pregnant <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":(" title="Frown    :("  data-smilie="3"data-shortname=":(" /> . She had the baby, but they both died right after birth.My world came crashing down around me. I went into a long, long dark spell. Eventually I threw myself into my work, trying to lose who I was and what I was, just wanting to be another number and not a human anymore. After a very long period of being lost, I slowly began trying to piece back together my life.I went through a period of going from one girl to the next. I probably went through 6 or 7 girls during this time. My friends accused me of trying to resurrect my old girlfriend; and they were right, though I couldn't see it at the time. I'd be happy for a while with each of them, but it would soon fade since they just weren't enough like HER. Then, I met my current girl, and I'm prepared to tell yall I think she's the one, my SOULMATE. I can't believe how much like my old girlfriend she is, but different as well. Theres this edge about her, a DARKNESS. She's very strong, but can be very cruel as well. I think she's enjoyed hurting me a time or two. She's also in research, and stays in a lab below mine.Unfortunately, I think she's a little TOO much like my old girlfriend. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":(" title="Frown    :("  data-smilie="3"data-shortname=":(" /> She's like taken up with this new group of "friends" who recently arrived at the office. They are just a group of freelancers working for the company, so it's not like we are ever going to see them again. They are a really "party" type, always drinking and cussing. The group leader is this real beast. There are a couple of them that are nice in comparison, one guy in a wheelchair I kinda feel sorry for; and this young chick that is my main worry. I think she is a lesbian; she acts like she has no feeling most of the time, a real robot, but when she gets around my girlfriend you can see the fire in her eyes, I think she really has a thing for her. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":(" title="Frown    :("  data-smilie="3"data-shortname=":(" /> Things might have just stayed like that and been cool; and my girl would have had her fun and that would have been it. Unfortunately, she found out recently about the 6 or 7 that came before her, got REALLY ticked off, and has decided to leave the company with this new group of "friends". (That has really hit me from outer space; she and I have talked so little about her past before that it's like she doesn't have one, so I don't understand why she's getting in a twist about mine. I never understand these chick things.) Now I have no idea how to stop her before she leaves, it's taken me so long to get someone like her again. Plus, I'm afraid that once again, there soon may be another child <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":(" title="Frown    :("  data-smilie="3"data-shortname=":(" />I've probably written enough already, and I appreciate your taking the time to let me vent. I'll come back and let you know how things are standing with us later, but I've got to run, I'm at work and we're having some sort of drill, probably one of those endless terror alert type things. Hope you all can help me.P.S. Please don't tell me to try and find some other girl that's not like her; I tried that a couple of years ago with this nordic chick. Really nice girl, long blond hair, into swords, perfect for me. She was an orphan, which absolutely tore at my heart strings. I'd managed to ingratiate myself in with her uncle who was her guardian and got him to trust me 100%. But she had this BASTARD of a brother who never trusted me, and always tried to keep us apart. Finally, just like all my current girlfriend, she ended up leaving me for this long haired drifter who blew through town one day <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":(" title="Frown    :("  data-smilie="3"data-shortname=":(" /></blockquote>

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