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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Pentius" data-source="post: 5609286" data-attributes="member: 6676736">Alright, I've had a chance to give this a read, though I'll probably read it again later.Something that really stood out to me while reading this is that everything in Under a False Sky, from character traits to power sources to playstyles, falls into one of two categories.  First is In The Box.  The Land is In The Box, literally.  Martial and Psionic characters are In The Box.  Personal Scope campaigns and Grey Morality are In The Box.  In The Box is where the game is intended to take place.  Outside The Box are the Gith, the Slaadi, the Faceless, Magic, Clear Morality and of course, the literal world outside The Land.  Things Outside The Box are meant as rare at best, villains-only or not included at all at worst.  This dichotomy, in and of itself, is fine.  It's good that you've clearly communicated what a good Under a False Sky campaign would look like.  The problem is that while you've done a good job of telling us what fun things do not belong In The Box, you could do a much better job getting the reader pumped up about all the cool things that are In The Box.  There are a lot of allusions and vague references where I think that concrete examples would be much better.  For example, you named one city, Serras, and it's supposed to be pretty important(being the only named city tells the reader "Hey, this is important.  Other stuff?  Not so much).  But I can't think of what the King's name is.  Was it in there, and I missed it?  I understand that the nobility are supposed to be not terribly benevolent.  Expand on that, and you paint a clearer picture of life as a Serran.  Are the nobles callously detached from the citizenry, caring only for their luxuries and personal power?  Are they corrupted by the Faceless as to be working toward more sinister goals?  How does this affect the outlying towns and villages?  When a commoner sees a Royal Soldier, is he comforted, or afraid?Another place that could be expanded on: psionics.  Tell the reader all about psionics.  You hint at schools of meditants exploring this new power.  That's a great way to get a reader pumped up to play one, but then the description pretty much stops there.    One place you've done well in providing things to be excited about is with the classes.  Use them more.  Maybe there are a few prominent meditant schools.  One values energy used directly, and produces more Psions and Psywarriors.  Another values psionics used to bolster existing human strengths, and produces more Monks and Ardents.  You mentioned that most prominent meditants end up serving the royalty.  It leaves the door open for you to put in a school or two serving the King, and another, secret school that operates independently. Basically, there's too much telling for not enough showing.  Laying out some examples of towns, schools or persons gives the reader a clear idea of what they can expect from the world, as well as inspiration for their own characters and adventures.</blockquote>

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