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Message: <blockquote data-quote="tarchon" data-source="post: 2053030" data-attributes="member: 5990">I think the biggest thing I'd flag is the assumption of too much D&D background knowledge (and reference to D&D cliches), but then maybe that's what they want. The dialog is a bit flippant for the situation (very comic-booky), but again MTWTW. It's also always a bit jarring to me in fantasy settings when there's a character named "David" while everybody else has names like Zegmat and Gurthiligong, but I also recognize that this is not uncommon in RPG fantasy. Overall, I'd say if you get nailed on anything, it'll be that WotC might want to get away from RPG-style fantasy that reads like a campaign narrative. I'd guess that if they're starting a new imprint, they'll probably want to distinguish it from their usual fiction publications. Then again, they have made a pretty good living off of that, so who knows?You have extra commas in many places (don't use them for dependent coordinated clauses), and I saw a few odd bits of diction, "and the blade was half-emerged from the dragon’s flesh" - something like "the end of the blade jutted from..." might work better. Good luck finishing the draft by March.  <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile    :)"  data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /></blockquote>