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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Lazybones" data-source="post: 1027828" data-attributes="member: 143">Nice beginning, assume you want specific feedback. Liked the dialogue; that was the hardest part of writing fiction to get down for me.  Never a good sign when the first sentence has an error (in this case, it was misleading, since the rest of the doc was quite clean).This breaks out of the third-person mode of narration and is distracting. Superfluous, not needed. Minor grammar issue, "Hers" not "Her's""(Childhood)" probably isn't needed as a subtitle to the Chapter 1 heading.  This becomes quite clear almost immediately. For some reason, I found the interaction of Breanna and Joseph to be the least convincing.  Probably since they were the least-developed characters in the piece; I'm sure we see more of their personality later (or maybe not, since this is a flashback piece). Good luck, keep writing, and look forward to seeing more of your tale. Lazy</blockquote>