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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Hairy Minotaur" data-source="post: 4450824" data-attributes="member: 11574">To light the sunThe party heads back to the scene of the kobold ambush. Slyphwhisper immediately noticed the dismal clean-up job someone did on the discarded kobold bodies and spent ammunition. Blood spatter covered the side path and the enermancer’s drippings still ran from the edge of the woods to the side path. The pit had been filled in by dumping the body of the dead horse as well as the broken remains of the escape wagon that gramps rendered useless. “Someone knows of our handiwork.” The gnome states“I think it obvious that our destination should be into the earth womb.” The enermancer replies“You mean the cave? We weren’t gone that long, this had to have been completed with a lot of manpower to have everything but blood cleaned up.” Lord Horatius commented“Cave? No, I mean the womb from which all of the dirt races erupt in a pregnant expulsion of filth onto the world proper. It is these places that must be sewn up with the needle of righteousness before the sky impregnates the same ground again in an incestuous coupling that only produces a greater chance of abominations.” The enermancer responded Like watching a Phoenix being reborn there were tears of joy and tears of searing pain as the onlooker’s eyes were permanently cindered, such was the diatribes that came forth from the enermancer’s mouth.“Son, I don’t know whether to drop ya on yer head again or kick yer ass again ‘cause it is blatantly obvious that yer parents didn’t do one those two options with enough frequency to fix yer issues.” Gramps comments“I’m wondering why the clean-up crew failed to scuff up the blood, that is ambush cover-up one-oh-one and could have been completed with they retrieved the darts and javelins.” Discordia announced while dragging her foot through a blood trail in an exaggerated twirling motion meant to pronounce the curvature of her hips, once she was sure most of the group was watching her play with the dirt she reflexively clenched and unclenched her buttocks in an alternating hypnotic pattern. “Wha… were we looking for again?” The enermancer drifted off verbally“Are you done? I think we need to exterminate their lair or they’ll be more ambushes.” Slyphwisper said tugging on the tiefling’s blouse.Discordia bent over in an exaggerated fashion, throwing her hips back and her rear end up as high as it would go, giving the gnome the impression that she would spill out of her top at any second, “Why such the party pooper little one? Like yeasted bread, my dough requires constant kneading to feed the hungry.” “I’m starved.” Gramps related“Hey! Old man, this way to the cave.” Slyphwhisper announced and pointed towards the northwest.The party regroups and heads off towards the cave that Slyphwhisper had tracked the escapees from the aborted ambush earlier in the day. They reached the cave as the sun dipped below the tree tops to the west and grey filter was laid upon the darkened landscape. The smell of cooked rabbit slowly leaked from the cave entrance and drifted off to the south on the slight breeze. The entrance was unguarded from the outside it appeared, there were also no guards posted in the trees surrounding the entrance either.“Either these guys are extremely confidently or galacticly stupid.” Slyphwhisper announced“These are but kobolds, I’m going with stupid.” Gramps responded“Super-kobolds, I don’t think these are your regular die from a shield bash variety kobolds.” Lavender spoke“Why would you want them dead? Again you keep telling people you’re a pacifist, but I think you think there’s an alternate definition to that word that only you know.” Slyphwhisper answered“If you help me pile up all these down trees, twigs, and dead foliage in front of the cave entrance, I’ll have the inhabitant either running for their lives out of the cave, or dead from smoke inhalation.” Lord Horatius proudly comments“Not every problem can be solved with a huge bonfire.” Lavender replies“I believe you’re mistaken on that account sweet-cheeks, every problem can be solved with a little heat and a burning light source.” The hexblade answers“We don’t need to alert the entire surround landscape to our presence at this cave, no subterfuge will win this day. We should cold camp off that east-west path in front of the cave and wait for a passing caravan headed for the cave, ambush them and beat them until we have the answers we need.” Lavender offered“Sounds physical, like we might get hot and sweaty. The prospect of blood being spilled appears greater with the pacifist’s plan than with the pyromaniac’s. My body yearns for the threat of violence.” Discordia repliesThe group agrees with the cheese maker and head off to the northeast to intercept the woodland path and pick a good spot to watch over the trail while camping just out of sight. A dejected Lord Horatius follows behind them collecting twigs and small pieces of bark. The party selects a small clearing fifty feet from the road and downwind of any potential combatants. The party begins unburdening their backs from packs, sacks and bags of gear when Lavender spies Lord Horatius building a tent of twigs, dried leaves and bark.“Was I unclear with the plan? We need to cold camp it tonight in order to watch the road to the cave effectively and ambush any kidnappers.” Lavender calls out Lord Horatius“Pacifism is objectively pro-Fascist...he that is not with me is against me.” The enermancer comments*“Well, you guys will be doing all the work.” Lavender answers, then spies Lord Horatius hitting his flint stone, “what are you doing?“I’m building a fire, what’s it look like I’m doing?” Lord Horatius answers“Didn’t you hear me? We need to cold camp it we don’t want a fire.” Lavender replies“No fire? Oh I think you’re mistaken, there’s going to be a fire.” Lord Horatius responds“If there’s a fire then we can’t sneak up on the road.” Lavender explains“There’s that aggressiveness again.” The enermancer says“I’m cold, if there’s no fire then I’m going to need to snuggle up with at least three people and I sleep in the nude.” Discordia announces*cough* *cough* *wheeze* *cough* *sputter* *hack* *cough* “I offer my ampleness to the cause of keeping you warm at night.” Gramps relates“Well. Looks like it’ll be a cold camp but warm bodies after all.” Discordia answers with a wink“Bullcrap, there’s gonna be a fire.” Lord Horatius answers “No. Wait a second we can’t have either of those things going on. Why don’t you lay down for first watch Lord Horatius and I’ll give Discordia my extra blanket and take first watch how about that?” Lavender answers“Sure, right after I start this fire.” Lord Horatius responds“You’re not listening to the plan, no fire!” Lavender yellsWith that spat, Lord Horatius is able to ignite the tender and the small ember roars to life much to the delight of the hexblade. “Ah thank Kador, now I can leave this brazier on a little longer. It was getting so cold I was having to loosen the straps to make room for bodily extensions.” Discordia announces gleefully“Quick! Put out that damn fire!” The enermancer squeals “Finally, someone who agrees with me.” Lavender cheers“What are talking about? I want to see the twin peaks of chaos you’ll have to get in line if you’re thinking of scaling them as well.” The enermancer answers“You just try and put this out Dampy the water mephit, this thing’s gonna be burning all night and most of tomorrow.” Lord Horatius states proudly“You know why fire smokes don’t you? It’s the earth’s god way of passing gas and that’s why there are flames when you burn wood, it’s the methane from the ground.” The enermancer relates“Son, you ain’t too *cough* bright are you?” *hack* Gramps replies“Methane my ass, it smells like victory!” Lord Horatius says with a tear in his eye“We might as well abandon camp now with that signal fire there.” Lavender complains“Thank god for that fire, I was walking in circles out there.” Slyphwhisper announces returning to camp after picking out the spot he would lie in wait for any passing kidnappers.“Now who’s the ass?” Lord Horatius exclaims to the cheese makerThe night progressed uneventfully after Lord Horatius waited out the disgruntled Lavender and fell asleep shortly after she did. Slyphwhisper hid out among the brambles and thickets of the woods peering out over the moon washed path looking and listening for any signs of an approaching contingent of back-stabbing practice victims. The gnome decided that this task would be immensely easier if there was not a beacon of firelight shining brightly through the woods like an enormous will-o-wisp. The light created flickering shadows across the landscape and caused Slyphwhisper to second guess his sight several times that night. Discordia had a much tougher time getting rest as she had difficulty trying to sleep facing the mini sun Lord Horatius created and turning her back to the tiny fusion reactor only caused her to sweat profusely, this however much far more acceptable than moving away from the flame and drawing the attention of the enermancer and Gramps like a moth beacon. So she suffered through the loss of body weight and cascading water as opposed to the desires of a crazy man and a dying dwarf. Lord Horatius awoke several times like clockwork throughout the night to add more tinder to the fire as soon as the mean temperature of the camp was lowered below the boiling point of water the hexblade descended upon the conflagration like a lion on the back of a gazelle. The hexblade was started awake when his unearthly fire senses detected someone messing with his art. “Huh? Who’s screwing with the fire?” Lord Horatius demands as his eyes try to focus after the hard wiping the back of his hands had given them.“Shh. Calm down it’s only me.” The enermancer answers“What are you doing to the fire?” Lord Horatius inquires“I need a torch.” The enermancer replies“Why? Where do you think you’re going?” the hexblade asks“I need to light the sun. It will not rise if I fail to alight the sky coal prior to it’s ascendance into the morning sky. It is a duty I have been performing everyday of my adulthood and I shall not fail in this task today.” The enermancer repliesLord Horatius gives the enermancer a twisted gape with his mouth and an unbelievable look in his eyes as his considers the enermancer’s insane request. Finally the hexblade kicks the burning stick from the enermancer’s hands, “use someone else’s fire. Don’t ever touch mine again.”Stunned at the hexblade’s reply, the enermancer trudges out into the woods heading easterly; he removes two tindertwigs from his backpack and strikes them holding them aloft as the sky begins to brighten a faint orange-like color.“What? Where’d he get those things? I will make him comply with my inquiries or there shall be pain.” Lord Horatius mutters under his breath.*this is a George Orwell quote that I fit in here as it seemed apropos*</blockquote>

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