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<blockquote data-quote="Hairy Minotaur" data-source="post: 4552633" data-attributes="member: 11574"><p><strong>Did someone say bachelor party?</strong></p><p></p><p>The swollen party ambled out of the back cell room and back into the angry mob that was still dangling from their manacles in the previous room. Slyphwhisper ignored the crying, demanding, cursing, and racial slurs thrown his way as he scurried across the room to peer out the exit for any signs of reinforcements from the captors. He saw nothing but death strewn across the cavern. Behind him he heard clapping and the sound of coins being dropped at the back of the room where he left the rest of the group. Pushing the sounds out of his mind he re-focused on the darkness ahead of him. </p><p></p><p>Seconds later he became aware of a large creature behind him, breathing heavily and licking their chops. He still heard the clapping, but what he thought were the sounds of rescued prisoners could not be as the din of their dissent echoed from all around him. Fed up at the distraction Slyphwhisper turned around ready to tear into someone’s ear when his face bounced off the girth of Helga and he stared up at the massively framed woman.</p><p></p><p>“Don’t stand so close to me.” The gnome advises</p><p></p><p>“I didn’t feel like taking in the show.” Helga says motioning to the back of the room with her thumb </p><p></p><p>Slyphwhisper walks around the potion carrying circus entertainer and spies the rest of the party in the back of the room huddled around someone dancing. </p><p></p><p>“Watch the door; let me know if anyone starts coming this way.” Slyphwhisper commands</p><p></p><p>“Sure thing chief.” Helga replied and saluted the small gnome as he walked to the back of the room where Tethys was dancing seductively amidst Lord Horatius and the enermancer tossing money on the ground in front of her.</p><p></p><p>“What the hell? Why isn’t anyone releasing the captives?” Slyphwhisper demands</p><p></p><p>“She said she was a hedonist, what did you expect them to do?” Discordia explains</p><p></p><p>“What’s your excuse? Can’t you free the captives?” the gnome questions</p><p></p><p>“Pfft. They’re not going anywhere, besides I’ve got a pocket full of me time with this one.” Discordia answers the gnomes and turns back to Tethys, *whistle* “Hey, 73 gold pieces are screaming lap dance for the teifling!” </p><p></p><p>“Well, okay, but no touching. I don’t know where you’ve been” The enermancer states, “we just going to do this here?” the enermancer inquires pointing at the floor beneath him.</p><p></p><p>“What? I wasn’t talking to you, get away from me.” Discordia says and shoves the sack of coins in Tethys’ face with her left hand and shoves the enermancer away with her right hand.</p><p></p><p>“Hey, I said no touching!” The enermancer protests</p><p></p><p>Slyphwhisper darts in and cuts open the sack, causing the coins to spill out all over the floor. Gramps and Lord Horatius immediately dive to the floor.</p><p></p><p>“Later!” Slyphwhisper yells, right now I want these people freed before they are made to suffer any longer for your stupidity!” </p><p></p><p>Tethys continues to dance away at her own inner dance music, eyes closed, oblivious to the world around her. Slyphwhisper practices his trip maneuver and causes the women to crumple to the floor.</p><p></p><p>“What’s the problem gnome? Don’t like Thellyne’s moves?” Tethys replies</p><p></p><p>“Oh so now you remember your god’s name, pity I have to be the moral majority in this band of idiots. You’d think your god would want you to spread her faith not your business card around.” The gnome answers</p><p></p><p>“What? Whose deity? Fertility rites are very sacred to… ah…. Um…. Hmm.. some people’s beliefs?” Tethys said shrugging her shoulders at the end hoping that was the right answer</p><p></p><p>Slyphwhisper shook his head and wandered away from the gas leak that must be at the back of the room. Around him he saw the joyous cries of freed prisoners happy to get away from the party at all costs. He made his way back up to Helga who was peering intently into the darkness. </p><p></p><p>“Any report?” Slyphwhisper asked</p><p></p><p>“Yes, there’s a bunch of people all headed that way, away from this location. I think we scared them off.” Helga breathed heavily </p><p></p><p>Slyphwhisper watched as former hostages raced around the large woman and into the dark cavern beyond, he saw Helga trace each one’s outline for as far as her human eyes could see. He then tugged on her robe until she turned and stared him down.</p><p></p><p>“Yes boss?” Helga huffed</p><p></p><p>“You’re a moron.” The gnome answered and headed out into the darkness to help those who had run aground of burnt troglodyte and were groping around in the darkness. Igniting a sunrod the gnome led the prisoners up to the surface and to freedom.</p><p></p><p>The gnome waits at the cave entrance for the rest of the party to stumble their way up through the darkness. After almost giving up from waiting over an hour the party arrives.</p><p></p><p>“Susan! Your light brings joy to the thousands of faces you golden each day.” The enermancer intones</p><p></p><p>Lord Horatius walks up behind the enermancer and slaps him on the back of the head.</p><p></p><p>“What?” The enermancer says and spins around</p><p></p><p>“Bug.” Lord Horatius answers and slaps the enermancer across the forehead, “worm.”</p><p></p><p>Unable to locate the missing baron’s daughter, the party congregates on what to do next. Tethys mentions she heard the halflings talking about another place they held prisoners. A ruined temple not too far from here as the halflings seemed to have made it there and back in one day. </p><p></p><p>“How do we find it if all the witnesses are dead?” Gramps pondered aloud</p><p></p><p>“I can speak with the forest creatures and ask them where this temple might be located.” Tethys offers</p><p></p><p>The party agrees that is a great suggestion and so Tethys flings off her tattered robe revealing a cloth bikini underneath. The cleric heads to the edge of the tree line to the left of the cave entrance and begins to intone her spell which sounds very similar to “here kitty, kitty, kitty.” </p><p></p><p>With provocative somatic components and a verbal component that sounded like a catcall, Tethys shimmied her way into the low lying brush next to the cave and the tree line. </p><p></p><p>“What the hell is she doing?” Slyphwhisper asks</p><p></p><p>“Calling for a big cat I would guess.” Gramps answered</p><p></p><p>“Why is she presenting in the breech position then?” Slyphwhisper comments</p><p></p><p>“Maybe it has something to do with a hypnotic motion of the rear muscles.” Discordia suggests</p><p></p><p>“Perhaps she is summoning a burro and therefore is talking out of her ass?” the enermancer offers</p><p></p><p>“That would explain your hygiene problem, I thought the stuff coming out of you face hole was a tad rank.” Lord Horatius says to the enermancer</p><p></p><p>“I await Susan’s golden shower of life to cleanse me, not when your olfactory senses dictate I wash myself.” The enermancer responds</p><p></p><p>Tethys walks back to the party with a ferret-like creature in her hands, “look I found a kitty.” Tethys says proudly</p><p></p><p>“Where? All I see is that muskrat in your arms.” Gramps replies</p><p></p><p>“Pshaw, no silly this is a kitty. Listen to it purr.” Tethys says holding it up for all to see</p><p></p><p>“That’s not a purr that’s a growl you idiot. That thing’s feral.” Lavender replies</p><p></p><p>Lord Horatius steps up for a better look, scaring the small mammal and causing it to release its musk scent all over Tethys. It then flees up and over her shoulder clawing its way as it goes scratching the cleric’s arm along the way.</p><p></p><p>“I think I know where this temple may be, my pappy used to tell us not to go too far south of the farm otherwise the zombies guarding the old temple would come after us.” Helga insinuates</p><p></p><p>“What took you so long to speak up?” Gramps inquired</p><p></p><p>“Well because the only thing I can tell you from that story is that the temple is north of here.” Helga mouth breathes</p><p></p><p>“Well it’s a start; we’ll head north and hope there a trail for us to follow.” Slyphwhisper comments and the party heads off to the north.</p><p></p><p>About fifteen minutes later they find the beginning of a path through the smoldering forest. Racing along the path they halt just short of a huge clearing with a large fresco cut into the side of a hill. The frescos depict large muscular men with heads of jackals looking down upon the area in front of two stone doors. A couple of trees breakup the view about twenty feet from the doors to the left, and a few bushes are sprinkle to the right of the temple doors.</p><p></p><p>“Looks like your instincts were right Helga.” Gramps comments</p><p></p><p>The party makes a run for the door trying to cover the open ground as quickly as possible to lesson the impact of an ambush. Gramps trips on his way out of the tree line and starts hacking up his lungs. Tethys and Lavender stop to help the dwarf to a sitting position as the rest of the part reaches the stone doors.</p><p></p><p>“We should probably search for traps.” Lord Horatius announces</p><p></p><p>Slyphwhisper was just about to comment when an arrow zips through the air and lodges itself in Lord Horatius’ right thigh.</p><p></p><p>“Ow! I’ve been shot! Medic!” the hexblade wails</p><p></p><p>“Those trees over there, we’re being shot at through the cover of the branches.” The enermancer points out before an arrow bounces off his chestplate and nicks his chin as it ricochets behind him. </p><p></p><p>Slyphwhisper catches some movement in the tree closest to the group, “there I see him!” Slyphwhisper points and scurries off towards the tree he saw the movement in. Lord Horatius follows the gnome hobbling along as best he can with the enermancer brining up the rear. Helga and Discordia hang back by the doors; Helga tries to motion to the group with Gramps to make a run for it to the doors while Discordia tries to strategically place Helga between Discordia and the hail of arrows from the trees.</p><p></p><p>Slyphwhisper begins ascending his tree as Lord Horatius peers up at the tree to the right of the one the gnome is ambling up. As he does so another arrow shaft zips down and pierces his left shoulder causing the hexblade to reflexively drop his weapon. The hexblade peers up into the tree’s canopy but still cannot make out and figures contained in it. The enermancer halts beneath the tree on the far left and stares up into it, only to get an arrow into his shoulder as well, causing the human to wince in pain as he grasps his shoulder. </p><p></p><p>Lord Horatius takes another arrow to his body, this one into his right foot, temporarily pinning his leg to that spot. Enraged with frustration Lord Horatius unslings his backpack and rifles through it while Slyphwhisper makes it up to the branch level that hides a crouching gnoll with a short bow. Creeping out along the branch the gnome manages to jab his dagger point into the back of the hairy gnoll startling the creature and making it drop its bow to the ground below. The half dog beast lets out a growl as it draws a short sword and faces the gnome in the branches.</p><p></p><p>The enermancer looks up into his tree, unable to see anything hiding he looks over at the pincushion; Lord Horatius and shrugs, “I don’t think my tree is attacking us.” As an arrow narrowly misses the human hissing past his right ear and sticking into the ground behind him.</p><p></p><p>“It fears your disinterest! Act like you don’t care and it won’t hurt you!” The enermancer calls out</p><p></p><p>“Screw you!” Lord Horatius answers, finding what he was looking for he tosses the glass bottle up into the tree’s canopy. The Alchemist fire ignites and the top of the tree begins to erupt in a ball of fire, “Yes! Burn baby burn!” </p><p></p><p>The gnoll in the burning tree begins barking hysterically; momentarily distracting the gnoll that Slyphwhisper is battling. The gnome uses this opening to jab his dagger in-between the beast’s ribs and into its lungs. A rush of air escapes the puncture sight as the gnoll backs away in pain and loses it’s footing on the branch. The gnoll tumbles though smaller braches and lands face down on the ground below unmoving. </p><p></p><p>The enermancer looks around and leans on the tree nonchalantly, picking at his fingernails, trying to appear uncaring over being shot at. The gnoll above him howls with glee over the easy target, yet again fails to hit his mark as the arrow catches a small branch on the way down, deflecting it enough to land in the trunk of the tree a few inches above the enermancer’s head. Lord Horatius chucks another alchemist fire into the burning tree above him and the wind fans the flames onto the tree Slyphwhisper is in. The gnome squeals and leaps for the tree trunk trying to fall gracefully from the burning wind. </p><p></p><p>Lord Horatius squeals like a child as his conflagration catches another tree on fire. The gnoll above the hexblade climbs to the highest weight sustaining branch it could find, but unable to escape the raging fire it leaps off the tree and crashes through several burning tree limbs and lands hard on the ground below. Whimpering and unable to move, Lord Horatius hobbles over and ends its life. </p><p></p><p>Terribly outnumbered and with an approaching killer gnome headed its way, the gnoll above the enermancer climbs to a lower branch and leaps off towards Lord Horatius. The hexblade dodges the hairy creature and engages it in battle with his off hand. The gnome reverses direction and is able to flank the creature as a stunned enermancer looks on.</p><p></p><p>“This tree gave birth to a gnoll? Astounding! I must document this for the rest of my fellow crypto-zoologists. Don’t kill it I need a fresh specimen!” The enermancer calls out and advances towards the gnoll with a crazed lust in his eyes. </p><p></p><p>The terrified gnoll backs into Lord Horatius’ blade and eviscerates himself as Slyphwhisper ensures that the gnoll’s blood flow won’t be staunched accidentally. </p><p></p><p>“Aw, how can I use that?” The dejected enermancer states as the third tree also catches on fire, “Aw, would you look at that? The evidence is going up in smoke!” </p><p></p><p>Tethys and Lavender help Gramps make it to the stone doors with the ambushers dead. The party coalesces around the temple’s entrance. Bright blue-green gems gleamed in the falling sunlight, the enermancer and Lord Horatius looked at each other sideways and then back at the gems. Tethys and Lavender work to remove the arrows lodged in the hexblade and patch him up to the best of their ability.</p><p></p><p>“Hey Slyphwhisper, can you climb up there and pry those gems loose?” Lord Horatius asks</p><p></p><p>“Yeah right, that situation screams trap if I ever saw one, there’s no way I’m going up there.” The gnome replies</p><p></p><p>“I can get them down.” Helga heaves</p><p></p><p>“Five gold she can’t get two feet on the statue.” Lord Horatius offers Gramps</p><p></p><p>“Ten gold says she topples the statue over.” Gramps counter offers</p><p></p><p>“Deal.” The hexblade replies</p><p></p><p>Helga spits in her hands and reaches up for a good set of handholds. Finding a good grip Helga hefts herself up to navel level of the left side statue. Grabbing a hold of the weapon arm, Helga hoists herself and stares eye level at the large Lapis-Lazuli gem embedded in the forehead of the jackal-headed statue. Reaching inside her massive robes, Helga pulls out a mini crowbar and small hammer. </p><p></p><p>“Easy as pie.” Helga says looking back at the party before returning her attention to the gem in front of her. </p><p></p><p>Helga taps her crowbar into place and leveraging herself against the weapon arm of the statue, Helga begins to pry the gem out. A few tugs weren’t enough to dislodge the gem so the woman grabbed the crowbar with both hands and gave it one good jerk and the gem popped free into the hands of Helga who cradled the hard won spoil, oblivious to the fact that she was now falling backwards as she had no grip on the statue. Helga plummeted the dozen feet to the earth with a loud thud shaking the ground beneath the party. Tethys and Lavender rushed to her side while Gramps and Lord Horatius tried to figure out who had won the bet.</p><p></p><p>“I think you dented the stone.” Slyphwhisper comments</p><p></p><p>“Impossible, the only thing powerful enough to dent stone is the kidney stone from a flail snail that’s been fed a steady diet of orc beer.” The enermancer relates</p><p></p><p>Helga sits up shakily and is helped to her feet by the two healers. She shows off the Lapis-Lazuli and her darkened smile made possible by a tooth exiting its socket when the girthy woman slammed into the ground. Helga wobbled over to the other statue and began climbing that one.</p><p></p><p>“Please get down, let the professional up there.” Slyphwhisper pleaded</p><p></p><p>“I am a professional.” Helga huffed back as she reached eye level with the gem on the other statue, not wanting a repeat of the first statue, Helga reached back to brace herself on the weapon arm of this statue. Her hand reached back and found empty air and the woman crashed back to earth again as this statue had both its arms at its waist. The gnome almost lost his footing as the ground protested the sudden added weight. </p><p></p><p>This time however Slyphwhisper didn’t wait for the clerics to put humpty dumpty together again and he began clambering up the statue. Three-fourths of the way up his foot became lodged between two ham hocks as Helga clasps her meat hooks around the ankle of the gnome and pulls him back down off the statue.</p><p></p><p>“If I needed an amateur to do my job, I’d have asked for the pyromaniac. Not sit there and watch a master at work.” Helga orders</p><p></p><p>“The only thing you’re a master at is falling on your ass, I don’t have time to wait for you to bring the gem down by knocking the statue over by your multiple vibrations on the earth.” Slyphwhisper protests</p><p></p><p>“All this standing around in the sun is making me sweaty, if we don’t find shade soon I’m going to have to start unencumbrancing myself.” Discordia announces</p><p></p><p>“Way ahead of you teifling.” Tethys declares flipping off her bikini top </p><p></p><p>The enermancer, Lord Horatius, Gramps, and Discordia immediately lost interest in what Slyphwhisper and Helga were fighting over.</p><p></p><p>“What the heck? What is your people’s problem, get right or get lost. You keep taking that thing off we’re going to get ambushed by a hill giant with a head cold and a tourettes problem.” Slyphwhisper comments</p><p></p><p>Slyphwhisper watches as the shadow around him grows larger in a hurry as the sound of a manure cart getting shoved off a cliff whistles through the air over his head, cowering in fear for his life, Slyphwhisper watches in horror as the rest of the party has turned their attentions back to Tethys’ chest as now Discordia as taken her top off and the two women are comparing brassieres. Slyphwhisper glances up at his fast approaching death and sees a huge form blot out the sun as it descends through the air and pounces on the ground next to the gnome. The massive form of Helga straightens out while holding the gem in front of her for Slyphwhisper to see. Shaking and dizzy Slyphwhisper waves off the gem collapses in a heap next to the statue.</p><p></p><p>“What’s the backing made out of?” Discordia asks</p><p></p><p>“Chainmail it’s the latest in stylish defense. Look defenseless while protecting the assets. Plus it gives me a good pinch every once in a while to let me know I’m still alive.” Tethys replies</p><p></p><p>“I like behir skin myself, a little rough to the feel and every now and then you get a warm electrical buzz through the fabric. Very exhilarating, makes me want to get a complete undergarment set of behir. Too bad apparently no tanner I’ve found will make me a behir thong.” Discordia relates</p><p></p><p> “That’s a shame; if I knew how to work with dead animals I could do it for you. About the only thing I can do now is cast <em>grease</em> on it, but I usually reserve that for my own issues when the metal is especially nippy” Tethys offers</p><p></p><p>The two women get re-dressed and the mob makes its way to the stone doors.</p><p></p><p>“Figures the gnome would wind up in a fetal position.” Lord Horatius comments </p><p></p><p>Gramps and the enermancer grab hold of the doors and pry them open with surprising ease. Their satisfaction in a job well done ends when the first salvo of crossbow bolts shoot through the party as the dust from the doors opening begins to clear and the forms of gnolls can be made out beyond the dust.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hairy Minotaur, post: 4552633, member: 11574"] [b]Did someone say bachelor party?[/b] The swollen party ambled out of the back cell room and back into the angry mob that was still dangling from their manacles in the previous room. Slyphwhisper ignored the crying, demanding, cursing, and racial slurs thrown his way as he scurried across the room to peer out the exit for any signs of reinforcements from the captors. He saw nothing but death strewn across the cavern. Behind him he heard clapping and the sound of coins being dropped at the back of the room where he left the rest of the group. Pushing the sounds out of his mind he re-focused on the darkness ahead of him. Seconds later he became aware of a large creature behind him, breathing heavily and licking their chops. He still heard the clapping, but what he thought were the sounds of rescued prisoners could not be as the din of their dissent echoed from all around him. Fed up at the distraction Slyphwhisper turned around ready to tear into someone’s ear when his face bounced off the girth of Helga and he stared up at the massively framed woman. “Don’t stand so close to me.” The gnome advises “I didn’t feel like taking in the show.” Helga says motioning to the back of the room with her thumb Slyphwhisper walks around the potion carrying circus entertainer and spies the rest of the party in the back of the room huddled around someone dancing. “Watch the door; let me know if anyone starts coming this way.” Slyphwhisper commands “Sure thing chief.” Helga replied and saluted the small gnome as he walked to the back of the room where Tethys was dancing seductively amidst Lord Horatius and the enermancer tossing money on the ground in front of her. “What the hell? Why isn’t anyone releasing the captives?” Slyphwhisper demands “She said she was a hedonist, what did you expect them to do?” Discordia explains “What’s your excuse? Can’t you free the captives?” the gnome questions “Pfft. They’re not going anywhere, besides I’ve got a pocket full of me time with this one.” Discordia answers the gnomes and turns back to Tethys, *whistle* “Hey, 73 gold pieces are screaming lap dance for the teifling!” “Well, okay, but no touching. I don’t know where you’ve been” The enermancer states, “we just going to do this here?” the enermancer inquires pointing at the floor beneath him. “What? I wasn’t talking to you, get away from me.” Discordia says and shoves the sack of coins in Tethys’ face with her left hand and shoves the enermancer away with her right hand. “Hey, I said no touching!” The enermancer protests Slyphwhisper darts in and cuts open the sack, causing the coins to spill out all over the floor. Gramps and Lord Horatius immediately dive to the floor. “Later!” Slyphwhisper yells, right now I want these people freed before they are made to suffer any longer for your stupidity!” Tethys continues to dance away at her own inner dance music, eyes closed, oblivious to the world around her. Slyphwhisper practices his trip maneuver and causes the women to crumple to the floor. “What’s the problem gnome? Don’t like Thellyne’s moves?” Tethys replies “Oh so now you remember your god’s name, pity I have to be the moral majority in this band of idiots. You’d think your god would want you to spread her faith not your business card around.” The gnome answers “What? Whose deity? Fertility rites are very sacred to… ah…. Um…. Hmm.. some people’s beliefs?” Tethys said shrugging her shoulders at the end hoping that was the right answer Slyphwhisper shook his head and wandered away from the gas leak that must be at the back of the room. Around him he saw the joyous cries of freed prisoners happy to get away from the party at all costs. He made his way back up to Helga who was peering intently into the darkness. “Any report?” Slyphwhisper asked “Yes, there’s a bunch of people all headed that way, away from this location. I think we scared them off.” Helga breathed heavily Slyphwhisper watched as former hostages raced around the large woman and into the dark cavern beyond, he saw Helga trace each one’s outline for as far as her human eyes could see. He then tugged on her robe until she turned and stared him down. “Yes boss?” Helga huffed “You’re a moron.” The gnome answered and headed out into the darkness to help those who had run aground of burnt troglodyte and were groping around in the darkness. Igniting a sunrod the gnome led the prisoners up to the surface and to freedom. The gnome waits at the cave entrance for the rest of the party to stumble their way up through the darkness. After almost giving up from waiting over an hour the party arrives. “Susan! Your light brings joy to the thousands of faces you golden each day.” The enermancer intones Lord Horatius walks up behind the enermancer and slaps him on the back of the head. “What?” The enermancer says and spins around “Bug.” Lord Horatius answers and slaps the enermancer across the forehead, “worm.” Unable to locate the missing baron’s daughter, the party congregates on what to do next. Tethys mentions she heard the halflings talking about another place they held prisoners. A ruined temple not too far from here as the halflings seemed to have made it there and back in one day. “How do we find it if all the witnesses are dead?” Gramps pondered aloud “I can speak with the forest creatures and ask them where this temple might be located.” Tethys offers The party agrees that is a great suggestion and so Tethys flings off her tattered robe revealing a cloth bikini underneath. The cleric heads to the edge of the tree line to the left of the cave entrance and begins to intone her spell which sounds very similar to “here kitty, kitty, kitty.” With provocative somatic components and a verbal component that sounded like a catcall, Tethys shimmied her way into the low lying brush next to the cave and the tree line. “What the hell is she doing?” Slyphwhisper asks “Calling for a big cat I would guess.” Gramps answered “Why is she presenting in the breech position then?” Slyphwhisper comments “Maybe it has something to do with a hypnotic motion of the rear muscles.” Discordia suggests “Perhaps she is summoning a burro and therefore is talking out of her ass?” the enermancer offers “That would explain your hygiene problem, I thought the stuff coming out of you face hole was a tad rank.” Lord Horatius says to the enermancer “I await Susan’s golden shower of life to cleanse me, not when your olfactory senses dictate I wash myself.” The enermancer responds Tethys walks back to the party with a ferret-like creature in her hands, “look I found a kitty.” Tethys says proudly “Where? All I see is that muskrat in your arms.” Gramps replies “Pshaw, no silly this is a kitty. Listen to it purr.” Tethys says holding it up for all to see “That’s not a purr that’s a growl you idiot. That thing’s feral.” Lavender replies Lord Horatius steps up for a better look, scaring the small mammal and causing it to release its musk scent all over Tethys. It then flees up and over her shoulder clawing its way as it goes scratching the cleric’s arm along the way. “I think I know where this temple may be, my pappy used to tell us not to go too far south of the farm otherwise the zombies guarding the old temple would come after us.” Helga insinuates “What took you so long to speak up?” Gramps inquired “Well because the only thing I can tell you from that story is that the temple is north of here.” Helga mouth breathes “Well it’s a start; we’ll head north and hope there a trail for us to follow.” Slyphwhisper comments and the party heads off to the north. About fifteen minutes later they find the beginning of a path through the smoldering forest. Racing along the path they halt just short of a huge clearing with a large fresco cut into the side of a hill. The frescos depict large muscular men with heads of jackals looking down upon the area in front of two stone doors. A couple of trees breakup the view about twenty feet from the doors to the left, and a few bushes are sprinkle to the right of the temple doors. “Looks like your instincts were right Helga.” Gramps comments The party makes a run for the door trying to cover the open ground as quickly as possible to lesson the impact of an ambush. Gramps trips on his way out of the tree line and starts hacking up his lungs. Tethys and Lavender stop to help the dwarf to a sitting position as the rest of the part reaches the stone doors. “We should probably search for traps.” Lord Horatius announces Slyphwhisper was just about to comment when an arrow zips through the air and lodges itself in Lord Horatius’ right thigh. “Ow! I’ve been shot! Medic!” the hexblade wails “Those trees over there, we’re being shot at through the cover of the branches.” The enermancer points out before an arrow bounces off his chestplate and nicks his chin as it ricochets behind him. Slyphwhisper catches some movement in the tree closest to the group, “there I see him!” Slyphwhisper points and scurries off towards the tree he saw the movement in. Lord Horatius follows the gnome hobbling along as best he can with the enermancer brining up the rear. Helga and Discordia hang back by the doors; Helga tries to motion to the group with Gramps to make a run for it to the doors while Discordia tries to strategically place Helga between Discordia and the hail of arrows from the trees. Slyphwhisper begins ascending his tree as Lord Horatius peers up at the tree to the right of the one the gnome is ambling up. As he does so another arrow shaft zips down and pierces his left shoulder causing the hexblade to reflexively drop his weapon. The hexblade peers up into the tree’s canopy but still cannot make out and figures contained in it. The enermancer halts beneath the tree on the far left and stares up into it, only to get an arrow into his shoulder as well, causing the human to wince in pain as he grasps his shoulder. Lord Horatius takes another arrow to his body, this one into his right foot, temporarily pinning his leg to that spot. Enraged with frustration Lord Horatius unslings his backpack and rifles through it while Slyphwhisper makes it up to the branch level that hides a crouching gnoll with a short bow. Creeping out along the branch the gnome manages to jab his dagger point into the back of the hairy gnoll startling the creature and making it drop its bow to the ground below. The half dog beast lets out a growl as it draws a short sword and faces the gnome in the branches. The enermancer looks up into his tree, unable to see anything hiding he looks over at the pincushion; Lord Horatius and shrugs, “I don’t think my tree is attacking us.” As an arrow narrowly misses the human hissing past his right ear and sticking into the ground behind him. “It fears your disinterest! Act like you don’t care and it won’t hurt you!” The enermancer calls out “Screw you!” Lord Horatius answers, finding what he was looking for he tosses the glass bottle up into the tree’s canopy. The Alchemist fire ignites and the top of the tree begins to erupt in a ball of fire, “Yes! Burn baby burn!” The gnoll in the burning tree begins barking hysterically; momentarily distracting the gnoll that Slyphwhisper is battling. The gnome uses this opening to jab his dagger in-between the beast’s ribs and into its lungs. A rush of air escapes the puncture sight as the gnoll backs away in pain and loses it’s footing on the branch. The gnoll tumbles though smaller braches and lands face down on the ground below unmoving. The enermancer looks around and leans on the tree nonchalantly, picking at his fingernails, trying to appear uncaring over being shot at. The gnoll above him howls with glee over the easy target, yet again fails to hit his mark as the arrow catches a small branch on the way down, deflecting it enough to land in the trunk of the tree a few inches above the enermancer’s head. Lord Horatius chucks another alchemist fire into the burning tree above him and the wind fans the flames onto the tree Slyphwhisper is in. The gnome squeals and leaps for the tree trunk trying to fall gracefully from the burning wind. Lord Horatius squeals like a child as his conflagration catches another tree on fire. The gnoll above the hexblade climbs to the highest weight sustaining branch it could find, but unable to escape the raging fire it leaps off the tree and crashes through several burning tree limbs and lands hard on the ground below. Whimpering and unable to move, Lord Horatius hobbles over and ends its life. Terribly outnumbered and with an approaching killer gnome headed its way, the gnoll above the enermancer climbs to a lower branch and leaps off towards Lord Horatius. The hexblade dodges the hairy creature and engages it in battle with his off hand. The gnome reverses direction and is able to flank the creature as a stunned enermancer looks on. “This tree gave birth to a gnoll? Astounding! I must document this for the rest of my fellow crypto-zoologists. Don’t kill it I need a fresh specimen!” The enermancer calls out and advances towards the gnoll with a crazed lust in his eyes. The terrified gnoll backs into Lord Horatius’ blade and eviscerates himself as Slyphwhisper ensures that the gnoll’s blood flow won’t be staunched accidentally. “Aw, how can I use that?” The dejected enermancer states as the third tree also catches on fire, “Aw, would you look at that? The evidence is going up in smoke!” Tethys and Lavender help Gramps make it to the stone doors with the ambushers dead. The party coalesces around the temple’s entrance. Bright blue-green gems gleamed in the falling sunlight, the enermancer and Lord Horatius looked at each other sideways and then back at the gems. Tethys and Lavender work to remove the arrows lodged in the hexblade and patch him up to the best of their ability. “Hey Slyphwhisper, can you climb up there and pry those gems loose?” Lord Horatius asks “Yeah right, that situation screams trap if I ever saw one, there’s no way I’m going up there.” The gnome replies “I can get them down.” Helga heaves “Five gold she can’t get two feet on the statue.” Lord Horatius offers Gramps “Ten gold says she topples the statue over.” Gramps counter offers “Deal.” The hexblade replies Helga spits in her hands and reaches up for a good set of handholds. Finding a good grip Helga hefts herself up to navel level of the left side statue. Grabbing a hold of the weapon arm, Helga hoists herself and stares eye level at the large Lapis-Lazuli gem embedded in the forehead of the jackal-headed statue. Reaching inside her massive robes, Helga pulls out a mini crowbar and small hammer. “Easy as pie.” Helga says looking back at the party before returning her attention to the gem in front of her. Helga taps her crowbar into place and leveraging herself against the weapon arm of the statue, Helga begins to pry the gem out. A few tugs weren’t enough to dislodge the gem so the woman grabbed the crowbar with both hands and gave it one good jerk and the gem popped free into the hands of Helga who cradled the hard won spoil, oblivious to the fact that she was now falling backwards as she had no grip on the statue. Helga plummeted the dozen feet to the earth with a loud thud shaking the ground beneath the party. Tethys and Lavender rushed to her side while Gramps and Lord Horatius tried to figure out who had won the bet. “I think you dented the stone.” Slyphwhisper comments “Impossible, the only thing powerful enough to dent stone is the kidney stone from a flail snail that’s been fed a steady diet of orc beer.” The enermancer relates Helga sits up shakily and is helped to her feet by the two healers. She shows off the Lapis-Lazuli and her darkened smile made possible by a tooth exiting its socket when the girthy woman slammed into the ground. Helga wobbled over to the other statue and began climbing that one. “Please get down, let the professional up there.” Slyphwhisper pleaded “I am a professional.” Helga huffed back as she reached eye level with the gem on the other statue, not wanting a repeat of the first statue, Helga reached back to brace herself on the weapon arm of this statue. Her hand reached back and found empty air and the woman crashed back to earth again as this statue had both its arms at its waist. The gnome almost lost his footing as the ground protested the sudden added weight. This time however Slyphwhisper didn’t wait for the clerics to put humpty dumpty together again and he began clambering up the statue. Three-fourths of the way up his foot became lodged between two ham hocks as Helga clasps her meat hooks around the ankle of the gnome and pulls him back down off the statue. “If I needed an amateur to do my job, I’d have asked for the pyromaniac. Not sit there and watch a master at work.” Helga orders “The only thing you’re a master at is falling on your ass, I don’t have time to wait for you to bring the gem down by knocking the statue over by your multiple vibrations on the earth.” Slyphwhisper protests “All this standing around in the sun is making me sweaty, if we don’t find shade soon I’m going to have to start unencumbrancing myself.” Discordia announces “Way ahead of you teifling.” Tethys declares flipping off her bikini top The enermancer, Lord Horatius, Gramps, and Discordia immediately lost interest in what Slyphwhisper and Helga were fighting over. “What the heck? What is your people’s problem, get right or get lost. You keep taking that thing off we’re going to get ambushed by a hill giant with a head cold and a tourettes problem.” Slyphwhisper comments Slyphwhisper watches as the shadow around him grows larger in a hurry as the sound of a manure cart getting shoved off a cliff whistles through the air over his head, cowering in fear for his life, Slyphwhisper watches in horror as the rest of the party has turned their attentions back to Tethys’ chest as now Discordia as taken her top off and the two women are comparing brassieres. Slyphwhisper glances up at his fast approaching death and sees a huge form blot out the sun as it descends through the air and pounces on the ground next to the gnome. The massive form of Helga straightens out while holding the gem in front of her for Slyphwhisper to see. Shaking and dizzy Slyphwhisper waves off the gem collapses in a heap next to the statue. “What’s the backing made out of?” Discordia asks “Chainmail it’s the latest in stylish defense. Look defenseless while protecting the assets. Plus it gives me a good pinch every once in a while to let me know I’m still alive.” Tethys replies “I like behir skin myself, a little rough to the feel and every now and then you get a warm electrical buzz through the fabric. Very exhilarating, makes me want to get a complete undergarment set of behir. Too bad apparently no tanner I’ve found will make me a behir thong.” Discordia relates “That’s a shame; if I knew how to work with dead animals I could do it for you. About the only thing I can do now is cast [I]grease[/I] on it, but I usually reserve that for my own issues when the metal is especially nippy” Tethys offers The two women get re-dressed and the mob makes its way to the stone doors. “Figures the gnome would wind up in a fetal position.” Lord Horatius comments Gramps and the enermancer grab hold of the doors and pry them open with surprising ease. Their satisfaction in a job well done ends when the first salvo of crossbow bolts shoot through the party as the dust from the doors opening begins to clear and the forms of gnolls can be made out beyond the dust. [/QUOTE]
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