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<blockquote data-quote="Hairy Minotaur" data-source="post: 4565428" data-attributes="member: 11574"><p><strong>Dwarf tossing gone wrong</strong></p><p></p><p>Chaos ensues as Lord Horatius and the enermancer press against the door to avoid the direct fire of the crossbows. Gramps dives to the earth as Lavender, Tethys and Discordia dive behind Helga. The initial volley fails to hit a target as the hexblade and the enermancer peel themselves off the doorframe and step up to meet some gnolls ready for some melee combat. The next wave of missile fire whizzed past the front combatants and peppered Helga over the head of Gramps.</p><p></p><p>The dwarf reached over and tugged on Slyphwhisper trying to get the gnome’s head into the battle. From behind him though a water buffalo kicked up dirt and raged against the situation. Rolling to his right and knocking into the gnome, Gramps hoped to avoid the trampling hoofed creature. Craning his neck around, Gramps saw Helga pawing at the dirt beneath her feet like a rhinoceros before it charges. </p><p></p><p>“Clear!” Gramps yelled, confusing the hexblade and enermancer who battled within the temple</p><p></p><p>Lord Horatius was set to reply when he heard the steam engine behind him. The hexblade moved off to the side of the enermancer, allowing the gnolls to fight back to back as they turned to face the two adventurers. </p><p></p><p>Perplexed as to what the hexblade was doing, the enermancer was caught distracted and the gnoll slammed it’s mace into the temple of the enermancer, staggering the human. Then the frothing bloated porcupine charges into the room, her robes adorned with five bolt shafts sticking out of her at odd angles and giving the impression of a wild porcupine. Helga bull rushes the front two gnolls and shoves them to the back of the room. She then whips out a dagger from a hidden fold in her robes and brandishes the blade for the defenders to see.</p><p></p><p>Lord Horatius uses the commotion to advance upon a gnoll archer and force the beast to engage him in hand-to-hand. The enermancer staggers back and collapses into the arms of Gramps as the dwarf was getting up off the ground. Discordia, now without cover of fat begins blasting away at the far left gnoll archer. Tethys helps relieve Gramps of the extra human weight and starts tending to the enermancer’s wounds. </p><p></p><p>Helga brings her dagger down hard upon the shield of cowering gnoll and the blade breaks off from the wooden handle. Further enraging the large pincushion, quickly scanning the surrounding floor for something to use as a weapon, Helga hefts up a sack of flour and swings the bag upside the head of the gnoll in front of her. The bag rips open, spilling its white powdery contents all over the creature. Momentarily blinded, the gnoll flails weakly at the rotund woman. Helga looks again for something to use and this time hauls up an empty wine cask and bashes in the head of the gnoll. The cask fails around the head of the beast, lodging its jackal-like face inside the barrel. The gnoll stumbles and falls onto his back. Then the living loadstone body slams herself onto the creature, causing its lungs to expel all the air they contained and making the gnoll gasp for breath. Breaking off four of the bolts that were stuck in her torso and sending splinters flying across the room. </p><p></p><p>Lord Horatius slices down the archer in front of him while another blast of eldritch kills the far left archer that Discordia had hit previously. This causes that one to redirect his fire towards the women outside the temple and sending Lavender scattering away from view of the temple room and to relative safety. Helga rolls herself off the gasping gnoll and she looks for something else to slam into the beast, reaching back she grabs a hold of a small metal object.</p><p></p><p>“Hey! What the hell??!!” Gramps protests as Helga lifts him off the ground and holds him prone over her head.</p><p></p><p>Battle lust fills the woman as she flexes the dwarf higher.</p><p></p><p>“Put me down! What are you doing?” Gramps complains as he tries to grab the back of her hair to get her attention.</p><p></p><p>The woman was too quick however and she smashes the dwarf down on top of the prone gnoll with a clunk as the wide dwarf bounces off the large metal shield of the gnoll and then Gramps slides off across the beast’s chest and onto the floor. Not wanting to wait to see if that was the killing blow, Helga wheels a full barrel over to the gnoll who is breathing through a few cracked ribs and then tips the barrel over on top of the gnoll, pinning it to the floor.</p><p></p><p>Tethys races to the shocked dwarf and tries some soothing words to ease his post traumatic stress disorder, alas his leg was too close to Helga’s bear paws and she slings the dwarf’s body across the room, sending it crashing into the last remaining gnoll archer. The gnoll drops his bow and falls to one knee as he tries to untangle the flying dwarf from his body. Tethys gives Helga a displeased glare as she races over to where Gramps is now; the dwarf slurs his speech as he demands to know what orc fired the canon that catapulted him through the room. </p><p></p><p>Slyphwhisper and the enermancer re-enter the fray with both of them teaming up to take out a gnoll that had crept up behind Helga and was threatening to tenderize her. The last of the gnolls fell to the combined might of Discordia and Lord Horatius. With the enemy defeated, the party began to take stock of the room. The room at one point likely served as the cloak room but was now being used by the gnolls to stockpile foodstuffs. Several bags of flour and corn meal were stacked along each wall; half a dozen barrels also lined the walls. There were three other exits, one each to the right and left and at the back of the room where the archers had been stood a set of stone double doors with demonic faces carved into the stone. The double doors were also flanked by a statue to each side of the doors both of them had human bodies but jackal faces. </p><p></p><p>Helga waves off Lavender’s offer of healing as she waddles up to the statues to inspect them for additional Lapis Lazuli. Tethys gets Gramps to breathe normally and then leaves him propped up on some bags of flour as she goes around tending to the scratched and bruised. Slyphwhisper walks up behind Helga.</p><p></p><p>“These statues don’t have rocks in them.” The gnome intones</p><p></p><p>“Crap, I guess they ran out.” Helga breathes</p><p></p><p>“Well sure, that’s one theory, or more likely they only had two and by placing them on the outside it would draw people to the entrance so the gnolls could kidnap or kill them.” Slyphwhisper counters</p><p></p><p>“Your story makes it seem as if these dog-men were capable of long term planning. I assure you they are not. Gnolls are nature’s way of awarding man’s best friend with human qualities. Note how they have human bodies yet very dog-like faces, also note that they used sophisticated weapons for a breed of creatures that draw their intelligence from a canine. Clearly this reveals that they have been blessed with the ability to think outside of the master’s call and to fend for themselves. One wonders what nature will do to those wizards who chose a familiar. I think we’re on the verge of a new spell casting feline race. How do you think the Rakshasas came about? I mean all of this is common knowledge that you can find at any roadside tavern, this isn’t ogre science we’re talking about here. You want to see my collection of canine coprolites? Biggest set in Virdistan.” The enermancer rambles on.</p><p></p><p>“Soooo, through the big bad doors to rescue the baron’s daughter, or wander around the rest of the facility looking for loose change?” Lord Horatius asks</p><p></p><p>“Your rhetorical questions have failed to sway me flamer, I choose rooting out the lot of these gnolls and making the whole tribe an afterthought.” Gramps replies</p><p></p><p>“It wasn’t rhetorical?” Lord Horatius quizzically responds, but Gramps was already plodding down the right exit and into a long corridor with a couple doors along its walls. </p><p></p><p>The thirty-five foot hallway ended with a door; there were also doors fifteen feet on the right side and twenty feet on the left side of the hallway. Gramps quickly advanced to the left door.</p><p></p><p>“Why did you pass up this one?” Slyphwhisper inquires, pointing to the door on the right side of the hallway.</p><p></p><p>“You want that one? Feel free to check it out, I’m going in this one.” The dwarf answered and opened the door </p><p></p><p>A filthy room now used as a barracks unveils itself to Gramps’ sight broken pottery and scraps of cloth litter the floor, all surrounding three gnolls that are kneeling on the floor playing a gnoll version of the dice game Knuckles. The wheezing Gramps coughs and the startled gnolls toss their game pieces away as the stare down the intruder.</p><p></p><p>“You boys wanna grab a weapon or can I play as is?” Gramps barks out in gnoll</p><p></p><p>Howling, the gnolls reach for their weapons and charge the dwarf in the doorway. Gramps steps back about half a foot so that his shield takes up nearly the entire doorframe. The first gnoll reached him and slammed its mace into Gramps’ tower shield, the blow ricochets off and pounds into the next gnoll to reach the dwarf. Gramps coughs and laughs in the same breath as his axe unerringly strikes the gnolls from behind his shield. Gramps begins to whittle away the gnolls as Lord Horatius and Lavender stand ready to assist should the dwarf need to pull back. </p><p></p><p>The rest of the party goes to investigate the door on the right side of the hallway. Slyphwhisper places an ear on the door but fails to hear any sounds coming from within. Pushing on the door opens it easily inward revealing a twenty foot square room. A cupboard is hung on the wall to the left of the door; the back of the room is dominated by a large bed next to which a chair and desk are located. The entire room is covered in a thin layer of dust that hangs low in the air by the door after being disturbed. </p><p></p><p>“Ah, rest time.” Helga huffs as she clambers over to the bed through the cloud of dust, turning her back to the party she falls back onto the bed. Creaking and straining against the weight the bed supports her then suddenly slides away into two halves and Helga is dumped unceremoniously into a pit below the bed with a starving hell hound. Miraculously the hefty woman manages to avoid the rusty metal spikes sprouting from the floor of the pit. </p><p></p><p>Contorted and nestled between several spikes, Helga called out for help. Slyphwhisper and the enermancer raced to the edge of the pit. The enermancer grabbed a length of rope from his backpack; he tied one edge at the nearest bedpost and grabbed the other end tightly. Backing up he gave himself a ten foot running start and then dove out over the pit. It was at that moment that he realized he gave himself far too much slack as he slammed into the fall wall and then fell backwards into the pit, impaling his right leg on a rusty spike and howling out in pain.</p><p></p><p>Slyphwhisper shakes his head in disturbed disgust as he carefully climbs down the near edge of the pit. Smelling the spilled blood the hell hound pounces on the injured enermancer and begins nipping at back. Discordia begins blasting the beast from topside while Tethys retrieves a crossbow and fires into the side of the creature. Hungry and injured the hell hound gets desperate and breaths a gout of fire over the injured body of the enermancer. Lavender shoots forth a beam of healing into the prone enermancer as Slyphwhisper sneaks up and sinks a dagger hilt deep into the haunch of the demon dog. Baying in pain, Discordia ends the beast’s life with a well placed eldritch blast between the thing’s eyes. </p><p></p><p>“What the hell were you doing?” the gnome questions the enermancer</p><p></p><p>“Well, I had to account for the spatial distortion.” The enermancer replies</p><p></p><p>“What are you? Wait never mind I don’t want to know why you thought that.” Slyphwhisper states as he pries the human’s leg off the spike.</p><p></p><p>“Imagine my surprise when the pit really did turn out to be only ten feet deep. It was like finding a turducken on the menu but then realizing that the town had no access to turkeys so the first part wasn’t a turkey but the town did have lots of manure. I think you can do that math.” The enermancer responded</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hairy Minotaur, post: 4565428, member: 11574"] [b]Dwarf tossing gone wrong[/b] Chaos ensues as Lord Horatius and the enermancer press against the door to avoid the direct fire of the crossbows. Gramps dives to the earth as Lavender, Tethys and Discordia dive behind Helga. The initial volley fails to hit a target as the hexblade and the enermancer peel themselves off the doorframe and step up to meet some gnolls ready for some melee combat. The next wave of missile fire whizzed past the front combatants and peppered Helga over the head of Gramps. The dwarf reached over and tugged on Slyphwhisper trying to get the gnome’s head into the battle. From behind him though a water buffalo kicked up dirt and raged against the situation. Rolling to his right and knocking into the gnome, Gramps hoped to avoid the trampling hoofed creature. Craning his neck around, Gramps saw Helga pawing at the dirt beneath her feet like a rhinoceros before it charges. “Clear!” Gramps yelled, confusing the hexblade and enermancer who battled within the temple Lord Horatius was set to reply when he heard the steam engine behind him. The hexblade moved off to the side of the enermancer, allowing the gnolls to fight back to back as they turned to face the two adventurers. Perplexed as to what the hexblade was doing, the enermancer was caught distracted and the gnoll slammed it’s mace into the temple of the enermancer, staggering the human. Then the frothing bloated porcupine charges into the room, her robes adorned with five bolt shafts sticking out of her at odd angles and giving the impression of a wild porcupine. Helga bull rushes the front two gnolls and shoves them to the back of the room. She then whips out a dagger from a hidden fold in her robes and brandishes the blade for the defenders to see. Lord Horatius uses the commotion to advance upon a gnoll archer and force the beast to engage him in hand-to-hand. The enermancer staggers back and collapses into the arms of Gramps as the dwarf was getting up off the ground. Discordia, now without cover of fat begins blasting away at the far left gnoll archer. Tethys helps relieve Gramps of the extra human weight and starts tending to the enermancer’s wounds. Helga brings her dagger down hard upon the shield of cowering gnoll and the blade breaks off from the wooden handle. Further enraging the large pincushion, quickly scanning the surrounding floor for something to use as a weapon, Helga hefts up a sack of flour and swings the bag upside the head of the gnoll in front of her. The bag rips open, spilling its white powdery contents all over the creature. Momentarily blinded, the gnoll flails weakly at the rotund woman. Helga looks again for something to use and this time hauls up an empty wine cask and bashes in the head of the gnoll. The cask fails around the head of the beast, lodging its jackal-like face inside the barrel. The gnoll stumbles and falls onto his back. Then the living loadstone body slams herself onto the creature, causing its lungs to expel all the air they contained and making the gnoll gasp for breath. Breaking off four of the bolts that were stuck in her torso and sending splinters flying across the room. Lord Horatius slices down the archer in front of him while another blast of eldritch kills the far left archer that Discordia had hit previously. This causes that one to redirect his fire towards the women outside the temple and sending Lavender scattering away from view of the temple room and to relative safety. Helga rolls herself off the gasping gnoll and she looks for something else to slam into the beast, reaching back she grabs a hold of a small metal object. “Hey! What the hell??!!” Gramps protests as Helga lifts him off the ground and holds him prone over her head. Battle lust fills the woman as she flexes the dwarf higher. “Put me down! What are you doing?” Gramps complains as he tries to grab the back of her hair to get her attention. The woman was too quick however and she smashes the dwarf down on top of the prone gnoll with a clunk as the wide dwarf bounces off the large metal shield of the gnoll and then Gramps slides off across the beast’s chest and onto the floor. Not wanting to wait to see if that was the killing blow, Helga wheels a full barrel over to the gnoll who is breathing through a few cracked ribs and then tips the barrel over on top of the gnoll, pinning it to the floor. Tethys races to the shocked dwarf and tries some soothing words to ease his post traumatic stress disorder, alas his leg was too close to Helga’s bear paws and she slings the dwarf’s body across the room, sending it crashing into the last remaining gnoll archer. The gnoll drops his bow and falls to one knee as he tries to untangle the flying dwarf from his body. Tethys gives Helga a displeased glare as she races over to where Gramps is now; the dwarf slurs his speech as he demands to know what orc fired the canon that catapulted him through the room. Slyphwhisper and the enermancer re-enter the fray with both of them teaming up to take out a gnoll that had crept up behind Helga and was threatening to tenderize her. The last of the gnolls fell to the combined might of Discordia and Lord Horatius. With the enemy defeated, the party began to take stock of the room. The room at one point likely served as the cloak room but was now being used by the gnolls to stockpile foodstuffs. Several bags of flour and corn meal were stacked along each wall; half a dozen barrels also lined the walls. There were three other exits, one each to the right and left and at the back of the room where the archers had been stood a set of stone double doors with demonic faces carved into the stone. The double doors were also flanked by a statue to each side of the doors both of them had human bodies but jackal faces. Helga waves off Lavender’s offer of healing as she waddles up to the statues to inspect them for additional Lapis Lazuli. Tethys gets Gramps to breathe normally and then leaves him propped up on some bags of flour as she goes around tending to the scratched and bruised. Slyphwhisper walks up behind Helga. “These statues don’t have rocks in them.” The gnome intones “Crap, I guess they ran out.” Helga breathes “Well sure, that’s one theory, or more likely they only had two and by placing them on the outside it would draw people to the entrance so the gnolls could kidnap or kill them.” Slyphwhisper counters “Your story makes it seem as if these dog-men were capable of long term planning. I assure you they are not. Gnolls are nature’s way of awarding man’s best friend with human qualities. Note how they have human bodies yet very dog-like faces, also note that they used sophisticated weapons for a breed of creatures that draw their intelligence from a canine. Clearly this reveals that they have been blessed with the ability to think outside of the master’s call and to fend for themselves. One wonders what nature will do to those wizards who chose a familiar. I think we’re on the verge of a new spell casting feline race. How do you think the Rakshasas came about? I mean all of this is common knowledge that you can find at any roadside tavern, this isn’t ogre science we’re talking about here. You want to see my collection of canine coprolites? Biggest set in Virdistan.” The enermancer rambles on. “Soooo, through the big bad doors to rescue the baron’s daughter, or wander around the rest of the facility looking for loose change?” Lord Horatius asks “Your rhetorical questions have failed to sway me flamer, I choose rooting out the lot of these gnolls and making the whole tribe an afterthought.” Gramps replies “It wasn’t rhetorical?” Lord Horatius quizzically responds, but Gramps was already plodding down the right exit and into a long corridor with a couple doors along its walls. The thirty-five foot hallway ended with a door; there were also doors fifteen feet on the right side and twenty feet on the left side of the hallway. Gramps quickly advanced to the left door. “Why did you pass up this one?” Slyphwhisper inquires, pointing to the door on the right side of the hallway. “You want that one? Feel free to check it out, I’m going in this one.” The dwarf answered and opened the door A filthy room now used as a barracks unveils itself to Gramps’ sight broken pottery and scraps of cloth litter the floor, all surrounding three gnolls that are kneeling on the floor playing a gnoll version of the dice game Knuckles. The wheezing Gramps coughs and the startled gnolls toss their game pieces away as the stare down the intruder. “You boys wanna grab a weapon or can I play as is?” Gramps barks out in gnoll Howling, the gnolls reach for their weapons and charge the dwarf in the doorway. Gramps steps back about half a foot so that his shield takes up nearly the entire doorframe. The first gnoll reached him and slammed its mace into Gramps’ tower shield, the blow ricochets off and pounds into the next gnoll to reach the dwarf. Gramps coughs and laughs in the same breath as his axe unerringly strikes the gnolls from behind his shield. Gramps begins to whittle away the gnolls as Lord Horatius and Lavender stand ready to assist should the dwarf need to pull back. The rest of the party goes to investigate the door on the right side of the hallway. Slyphwhisper places an ear on the door but fails to hear any sounds coming from within. Pushing on the door opens it easily inward revealing a twenty foot square room. A cupboard is hung on the wall to the left of the door; the back of the room is dominated by a large bed next to which a chair and desk are located. The entire room is covered in a thin layer of dust that hangs low in the air by the door after being disturbed. “Ah, rest time.” Helga huffs as she clambers over to the bed through the cloud of dust, turning her back to the party she falls back onto the bed. Creaking and straining against the weight the bed supports her then suddenly slides away into two halves and Helga is dumped unceremoniously into a pit below the bed with a starving hell hound. Miraculously the hefty woman manages to avoid the rusty metal spikes sprouting from the floor of the pit. Contorted and nestled between several spikes, Helga called out for help. Slyphwhisper and the enermancer raced to the edge of the pit. The enermancer grabbed a length of rope from his backpack; he tied one edge at the nearest bedpost and grabbed the other end tightly. Backing up he gave himself a ten foot running start and then dove out over the pit. It was at that moment that he realized he gave himself far too much slack as he slammed into the fall wall and then fell backwards into the pit, impaling his right leg on a rusty spike and howling out in pain. Slyphwhisper shakes his head in disturbed disgust as he carefully climbs down the near edge of the pit. Smelling the spilled blood the hell hound pounces on the injured enermancer and begins nipping at back. Discordia begins blasting the beast from topside while Tethys retrieves a crossbow and fires into the side of the creature. Hungry and injured the hell hound gets desperate and breaths a gout of fire over the injured body of the enermancer. Lavender shoots forth a beam of healing into the prone enermancer as Slyphwhisper sneaks up and sinks a dagger hilt deep into the haunch of the demon dog. Baying in pain, Discordia ends the beast’s life with a well placed eldritch blast between the thing’s eyes. “What the hell were you doing?” the gnome questions the enermancer “Well, I had to account for the spatial distortion.” The enermancer replies “What are you? Wait never mind I don’t want to know why you thought that.” Slyphwhisper states as he pries the human’s leg off the spike. “Imagine my surprise when the pit really did turn out to be only ten feet deep. It was like finding a turducken on the menu but then realizing that the town had no access to turkeys so the first part wasn’t a turkey but the town did have lots of manure. I think you can do that math.” The enermancer responded [/QUOTE]
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