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Message: <blockquote data-quote="the Jester" data-source="post: 1782114" data-attributes="member: 1210">ParlayParlay- it’s dangerous, but sometimes it is the choice with the least danger in the end.  Warily, our heroes agree to talk to the firenewts.  They meet the firenewt speaker, who explains the situation.“Two great chiefs make strong drinkss,” the firenewt says.  “We have a contesst, you ssee.  Every year... in any event, thessse two drinksss win out over all the rest in our contesst.  And then when the tribess go to vote on the final winner, it isss a tie.”  The speaker pauses uncomfortably for a moment, then goes on, “You ssee, we know the monks are great expertss with brewing and distillery.  We need an expert opinion to decide the contesst.”Jawbreaker guffaws.  The halflings exchange disbelieving looks.  This isn’t an attack after all?  This is... about liquor?  And they aren’t even here to steal the monks’ brews??“Uh, maybe we can help,” offers Timothy blithely.  “You get out of our way, maybe tell the monks to come to us, let them know we don’t want to hurt them.  But we need expertsss.”“What happens if nobody decides this contest?” asks Sandy.  The firenewt speaker glances back at the group of firenewts behind him.  On closer examination, our heroes realize there are two distinct looks to them, from color (one look is more red, the other a lighter orange) to garb (one seems to favor small bone trophies, the other is more Spartan).  And the biggest, meanest-looking member of each group is staring directly at the negotiations.  “Then tribes will fight.  Big fight, will probably spill over and hurt other people in local area.”“Oh no!  We can’t have that!  We have to help,” Timothy exclaims.The party draws off a few feet to talk.  “I don’t think a monastery of old men can take a troop of firenewts coming in the doors,” Martini says nervously.“Maybe we can get them to take us as their experts, we are halflings after all.”  Sandy grins.Lita muses, “I could probably just say that I’m an expert...”And indeed, they try both approaches- the ‘we’re halflings = we’re experts’ technique doesn’t seem to really impress the firenewt chiefs when the speaker translates the heroes’ words to them.  But when Lita pipes up and says, “Oh yeah, I used to taste wine professionally”- they fall for it, hook, line and sinker.Unfortunately for Lita, that means that she must now taste two bottles of liquor that smell eye-wateringly bad.  First she samples the aroma of each, and manages to keep the horror from her face as she says, “Nice aperitifs... let them breathe for a moment...”Then she puts a tiny amount on her tongue, swishes it around in her mouth, and spits it out.  One of the firenewt chiefs lunges to his feet, yelling and striding forward.  “You better drink,” the speaker says fearfully.  “What?  No, wait- that’s how it’s done!  Tell him that’s how it’s done!”“You better drink,” the speaker repeats, shaking his head.Lita takes another sip, and this time lets it ooze down her throat.  The flavor is like dirty socks turned into tea using pungent ammonia-filled chemicals, then smoked over burning tires.  It’s truly awful, but Lita keeps her face on, revealing none of her horrible disgust at the swill.“Interesting,” she says.  “Somewhat delicate, a very complex flavor... quite good.  My congratulations to the brewer, this is excellent.”The other firenewt chief is frowning, and he rises now and makes a gesture at the other bottle.  Lita smiles.  She takes a big drink of water, rinses her mouth out and spits it out, then another drink of water.  Then she takes a sip of the other beverage.Oh!  It’s spicy!  Think hot peppers melted into liquid and mixed with a greasy, undercooked chicken fat residue.  Add to that a variety of things that grow in an undercleaned toilet after a few years and you’re getting the idea.  “Spicy,” Lita notes approvingly.  “Quite interesting.  This one is a little dryer, a little more acidic.  Very good, very good.”The frowning firenewt chief, upon having her words translated, bursts out into a wide grin.“Which one wins?” the speaker asks.“Truly,” Lita says sadly, “I cannot decide.”A few moments pass in silence as the speaker stares at Lita.  Then he asks again, “Which one winss?”“It’s a tie.”“That... is not possible.”Lita’s smile slips for a second.  “Why not?”“You only get one vote, not two.  You must decide, or chiefs will fight- maybe even here and now, at your monassstery.”  The speaker shakes his head sadly.  “That would be terrible.”“Yes it would,” says Timothy.Lita sighs.  For effect, she takes a second wretched sip of each drink, then makes her decision.  She lays a hand on the spicy one.  “This one.”The brewer of the drink in question grins and lets out a triumphant hiss.  The other one snarls something at Lita and whirls to stalk off.“Thank you,” the speaker says.“No problem,” answers Lita.  “Say, those brews are so good- can I keep those bottles?”“Certainly.”Next Time: What does Lita have planned for the bottles of firenewt liquor?  What happens when our heroes run into a halfling sheriff?  And will Lita’s ability to lie her way out of trouble help the rest of our heroes, or hinder them?  Stay tuned!</blockquote>

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