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Message: <blockquote data-quote="the Jester" data-source="post: 2206325" data-attributes="member: 1210">Dwarven Jerry Springer7/30/369 O.L.G., DovishtalGrimglad Hot-Metal snarls to himself.  He’s in a foul temper, and he scowls at everyone he sees.  He isn’t one to cross in Dovishtal, either; between him and Bazto, they pretty much run things.  His alliance with the Bleakist has been one of the best decisions he ever made.Not like going after the Forge.Grimglad is dour even for a dwarf.  He is the last survivor of his clan, whose depleted numbers mad an attempt to claim an ancestral forge several years ago.  Several of them came to Grimglad with claims of having seen a ghost, but Grimglad himself never saw it and it never attacked them- until they fired up the forge.  Then it came at them with a tremendous hammer, wailing, and slew several of them before they managed to destroy it.  Unfortunately, it reformed several days later and slew them almost to a man; only Grimglad and his brother, Dimblad, survived.  Staggering away, they realized that all their brethren lay dead behind them and the clan’s honor with them.  On their way they quarreled, and it came to blows; the next morning, Grimglad went on alone.  His journey ended in Dovishtal, and now, last survivor of his clan, he wants nothing more than to reclaim the Hot-Metal Forge.Hidden away, aye, he thinks, but I have a map!That evening, while he is running his hostel, some strangers come into town- mostly children, at first glance, but Grimglad is quickly disabused of that notion.  They are halflings.  With them is a dwarf, and naturally the fellow seeks out Grimglad.Turns out, much to the surprise of each of them, that he’s a Hot-Metal, named Brickneck.  Country cousin, thinks Grimglad scornfully, noting the dwarf’s overburdened cart, and a penny pincher to boot!  Well, Brickneck, blood is thicker than water, but gold is thicker and heavier still.  Nothing worth having is free, cousin.During the evening Grimglad slips up and reveals that he has been to the forge.  Brickneck begs him for the details of his encounter there, and more, for the location.  Grimglad gives him the one without revealing the other.“But, cousin!” Brickneck exclaims.  “I want to seek it out, to reclaim it for our clan’s glory!”“Nope.”  Grimglad casts about for an excuse.  “It’s too dangerous.  There are only two of us left.  You need to settle down and have kids so the clan doesn’t die.”“I need to settle down?”“Then I can go back to the forge to avenge my clanmates, secure that the line goes on.”“Why don’t you get married?  You have an establishment, you have a hostel here, you’ve got a life- I’m just a wandering aventurer.”“That’s why it should be you.  Too dangerous of a lifestyle.  Settle down or die, that’s what adventurers do.”They argue for some time, with Grimglad finally giving the impression that he’s willing to settle down for the right woman just to end the conversation.  And, when the strangers leave (claiming to be heading to Fort Kintax, burning his hill trash cousin’s wagon right in front of the hostel, and him trying to use the hostel as free storage- not likely!), Grimglad scowls and shakes his head.  Falling in with halflings never leads a dwarf to a good end, he grumbles to himself, and promptly puts the encounter in the back of his mind, half-forgotten.***8/27/369 O.L.G., 8 p.m., Grimglad’s Hostel in DovishtalWhen Brickneck enters the hostel again, Grimglad starts.  Damn fool, he thinks dourly, then scowls at the party.  He remains, perpetually, in a foul temper which becomes severely agitated when Brickneck tries to reclaim his chain. “You paid for a week and you been gone almost a month,” he grunts.  “It’s mine.”“What!” explodes Brickneck, and quickly a shouting match ensues in Dwarven.  The hostel’s drinking patrons ogle the scene in disbelief.  Then when the subject of wife hunting comes up things get even worse.“I found a nice girl for you at Fort Kintax, now tell me where the Forge is!” demands Brickneck.“Nope, I ain’t gettin’ married- you are,” Grimglad responds.*  ”What!”  Brickneck’s face is getting progressively redder and redder.  They shout back and forth about who is getting married to whom, and who said what the last time Brickneck was here.  Finally, with an inarticulate cry of rage, Brickneck seizes Grimglad by the beard!  With a furious roar, Grimglad grabs hold of Brickneck’s beard as well!  They begin pulling back and forth, screaming at each other at the top of their lungs, in a frenzied dwarven scene the likes of which nobody present has ever seen (or even imagined) before.“It must be some kind of dwarven ceremonial wedding chain,” Federico comments from the sidelines.  “Are they getting married?”“You know,” Naomi says thoughtfully, “I can’t tell male from female with dwarves.”The screaming rises in pitch suddenly as Brickneck staggers back, blood on his face.  “Oh my god,” he groans.“What happened?” cries Beau.  A human is in his way.  He jumps, but can’t see over the human’s head.“He just ripped out Brickneck’s beard,” Sandy murmurs.  He chuckles.“I... I’m gonna KILL YOU!!!” shouts Brickneck, and his hands clench up.  He starts to move forward, pushed past his breaking point, blood pouring from his mangled chin, and Federico finally does what he’s been trying to resist doing for a while.  He casts a suggestion.  On Brickneck.“Don’t kill him,” the kobold suggests, “kiss him!”What a brilliant idea! cackles Naomi mentally, and uses her own psychic ability to suggest to the dwarves that they make out.  Grimglad clouts Brickneck with a hammer as the monk moves in, and then Grimglad drops his hammer and sturggles hand to hand, crying out in dismay, as Brickneck pounces upon him and fights to press his lips to his cousin.  “What are you doing!” Grimglad cries out.“Come to papa, baby!” Brickneck moans.“What- this- what are you- stop, it’s- I- this isn’t right!”  Ezeekiel is becoming quite flustered by all this.  Mys is appalled.  She has been traveling with our heroes thus far, but this is too much for her.  She gives a strangled cry and runs out of the room.  The rest of the party, however, is cackling with glee.  Naomi moves behind the bar- Grimglad certainly isn’t doing his job right now- and starts dispensing drinks to everyone in the place.Beau has to get in on this one now.  He casts a ray of enfeeblement into the grapple, but unfortunately (from his perspective) he zaps Brickneck!  Quickly, he casts another one and evens the odds again.  In the grapple, Brickneck is kissing on and grinding against his cousin, who is trying mightily to resist him.  So far Grimglad has thrown off several suggestions, including that he marry Brickneck.  Nonetheless, the lover’s embrace that Brickneck is holding his cousin in is enough to keep him from escaping or reaching his hammer again.  Federico casts a grease into the mix to keep things from getting boring, and then Brickneck pulls out some manacles.“That’s enough,” says another voice.  Our heroes look.  The only other dwarf in the place has risen up.  “You’ve had your fun and then some.  Now you’re done.  You should get out of here.  I already sent someone to get help.”  The crowd suddenly seems to realize that they have just witnessed the abject humiliation of the town’s not-so-nice boss.  Several people hurry out.  Several others pretend they haven’t been watching.  But a lot of them figure the damage is done, and maybe they’re right.  Still more stand up to back up the dwarf.  Maybe if they try to help out now Grimglad will remember them favorably.  Our heroes immediately can see that there is nothing to gain by staying here at this point.  They gather their effects and hurry out.  Behind them, Grimglad screams, “You’ll pay for this!  You’ll all pay!”“Let’s get outta here,” Sandy urges.  They mount their dogs- at least, those who have them- and move quickly to the wilds out of Dovishtal.Everyone but Brickneck gets a good laugh out of it, even moreso when Jawbreaker cracks, “Hey Brickneck, you have baby now?  Haw haw!”Brickneck makes his weird noise- “NNNHHH!”- and gets ready to spring at Jawbreaker, anger roaring through him.  Before he does anything that he’ll regret, Naomi suggests to him that he go do some cartwheels.  About three hours out of Dovishtal our heroes rest in a gulley, then give a long pep talk to Brickneck.  “You’ve passed the test,” Federico opines.  “Now you’re in.”“Test?  In?””Yeah, you know- like an initiation.”“But- my beard!”“Hey, that was your own fault.  We didn’t have anything to do with that.”“Yeah,” Naomi interjects, “we just helped along afterward.”  Brickneck sighs unhappily.  They make camp, determining to return to Sritivara after a rest.  Ezeekiel is more than a little worried about the state it is in; they left it without much of a functional government.He should be. Next Time: Return to Sritivara!*When we were playing, it was here that the Jerry Springer jokes started, and it only escalated as we went on.</blockquote>

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