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<blockquote data-quote="the Jester" data-source="post: 4215573" data-attributes="member: 1210"><p><strong>Clan Ham!</strong></p><p></p><p>The door opens, and Cornbread peers out at our heroes. </p><p></p><p>“Yes, what is it?” he grumbles. “What does Benjy want now?”</p><p></p><p>Cornbread is a stout, well-dressed halfling of middle years. He has large hands, strong from years of kneading dough and tenderizing meat. His nose is large, almost of gnomely proportions- no doubt to enhance his fine sense of smell, which is so important in the cooking process. He wears a short-sleeved shirt, with a long apron over it tied at the waist. Sensible caving boots poke out from beneath it. </p><p></p><p>“We aren’t from the Peachtrees, sir,” Ari says respectfully. “We’re different halflings. We’re HAM.* And we’re here to tell you that you’re free.”</p><p></p><p>Cornbread blinks. “What do you mean?” </p><p></p><p>“We took care of Peachtrees problem,” Jawbreaker says.</p><p></p><p>“What?”</p><p></p><p>“We helped rid Benjy Peachtrees of the madness that possessed him,” Nara explains. “He and his kin won’t be bothering you any more.”</p><p></p><p>“So you say,” Cornbreak replies. “But it isn’t that simple. He has my family cookbook. As long as he possesses it, he has power over me.”</p><p></p><p>“Not to worry,” burbles the obese Naomi, swallowing the last piece of sausage she had nestled between her sweaty breasts. “Here, I have something for you.” With a fat smile, Naomi reaches into her pack and pulls out an old, loose-paged, grease-stained book. “This is from Benjy- and us.”</p><p></p><p>Cornbread takes the book. His eyes are wide. He slowly starts to grin. “How.. I can’t believe it! After all this time...” His eyes shimmer with tears. “Oh, thank you!” The grin is pronounced now. “Thank you!”</p><p></p><p>“We are glad to help a cook of such renown,” Naomi says. </p><p></p><p>“And we hope that you can now help us,” Nara adds.</p><p></p><p>“Of course! What can I do?”</p><p></p><p>“It is said,” Erasmuz declares, “that only Cornbread can open the way.”</p><p></p><p>“The way... to the Promised Land,” breathes Cornbread.</p><p></p><p>Erasmuz and Ari exchange a glance. </p><p></p><p>“Yes... yes, I know of it,” Cornbread sighs. “Please, come in.” He moves back inside his hut. “I’ll need a few minutes to gather my things... perhaps you’d like some tea?”</p><p></p><p>“Let’s have a meal before we go,” Naomi suggests.</p><p></p><p>So it is that our heroes sit and eat with Cornbread. He is most grateful to them for freeing him from Benjy Peachtree’s influence, but even so, he is reluctant to let Naomi copy recipes from his family book. “You won’t need them anyway, where you’re going,” he says glumly.</p><p></p><p>“Why? What do you mean?” </p><p></p><p>“There is all the food you can imagine, in the Promised Land.”</p><p></p><p>“Have you been there, then?” asks Nara.</p><p></p><p>Cornbread nods. “I have.”</p><p></p><p>“Come back with us,” Jawbreaker offers.</p><p></p><p>“I can’t,” Cornbread sighs. “The food would kill me.”</p><p></p><p>“What!” exclaims Ari. </p><p></p><p>“I have been there, and left. Now that I have tasted... such blandness... as all food not of the Promised Land is, to eat or drink of it again would be too rich for me, too intense. It would be fatal. I may not return.”</p><p></p><p>Our heroes are a little unsettled by this tale.</p><p></p><p>“But,” Cornbread concludes, “I can and will help you.”</p><p></p><p>“You have kin?” Jawbreaker asks. “Want us take you somewhere?”</p><p></p><p>“No,” Cornbread shakes his head. “Distant kin, yes, but none close, none alive.”</p><p></p><p>“Join our clan,” Chief Jawbreaker suggests impulsively.</p><p></p><p>“Join-?” Cornbread stares at him. Slowly, nods. “You are the only people to have helped me, to have been kind to me, for a- a very long time. I <em>will</em> join you! You said your clan is Ham?”</p><p></p><p>And there it is. It hangs in the air in front of all of them for a moment as they realize how perfect it is. Yes, they are all of a single clan. They are family. The founding of a new clan is a rare thing, requiring a perfect confluence of circumstance, an unusual combination of event, need and desire.</p><p></p><p>And here it is: a new clan, sparkling and newborn: Clan Ham.</p><p></p><p>“Cornbread Ham,” says Cornbread. “I like the sounds of that.”</p><p></p><p>Everyone grins at each other. This day is looking more and more promising with each passing moment!</p><p></p><p>“Oh yeah, there’s one more thing, buddy,” Erasmuz adds. “We met some big brassy flaming thing on our way down here, and it asked us to tell you that the ovens are ready.”</p><p></p><p>Cornbread stares at him. Slowly, he starts to laugh. “Indeed they are,” he chuckles, “indeed they are.”</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>Though Cornbread Ham does not elaborate on the source of his amusement, our heroes get the sense that he wants to help their quest. He is not too forthcoming about his time in the Promised Land, but the party gets the impression that he either cannot or, perhaps, <em>should not</em> talk about certain things. When Naomi mentions this notion to him, he does not deny it. </p><p></p><p>The trek to the spot where the party met, and briefly fought, the ember guardian is made quick by <em>wind walk,</em> and Cornbread leads the new-made Ham clan towards his ovens, where he sets to work at once, baking bread, cookies and other morsels. “When you are ready, let me know, and I’ll make the cornbread,” he says gravely.</p><p></p><p>The others look around at each other. “We’re ready,” says Nara. </p><p></p><p>Rush snorts. “This is it, then,” the human states. “I go no further with you. You go to your Promised Land! There is nothing for me to kill for you there.”</p><p></p><p>“You don’t know that,” Erasmuz points out, but Rush folds his arms across his chest.</p><p></p><p>“He is not suited to go anyhow,” Cornbread murmurs. “He is not a halfling.”</p><p></p><p>“What about Federico?” asks Jawbreaker.</p><p></p><p>“I’m a halfling!” squeaks the kobold.</p><p></p><p>“We shall see,” Cornbread says. “You <em>might</em> be. Rush certainly is not.”</p><p></p><p>The human nods adamantly.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>The smell of baking cornbread is almost more than our heroes can stand. The aroma lingers in the air, heralding the arrival of the cornbread. Heralding- heralding the Promised Land itself. The smell thickens. “It will be soon, now,” Cornbread Ham says.</p><p></p><p>As the delicious scent grows more and more intense, it slowly starts to become visible in the air. Slowly, shimmering, it forms a hazy portal.</p><p></p><p>“There,” Cornbread breathes. “There! There is the portal!” He grins at the party. “Good luck. Thank you again for helping me!”</p><p></p><p>Nara smiles at him. “And thank you.”</p><p></p><p>Our heroes go through the portal.</p><p></p><p><em><strong>Next Time:</strong></em> Into the Promised Land?</p><p></p><p></p><p>*HAM = Halfling Action Militia.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="the Jester, post: 4215573, member: 1210"] [b]Clan Ham![/b] The door opens, and Cornbread peers out at our heroes. “Yes, what is it?” he grumbles. “What does Benjy want now?” Cornbread is a stout, well-dressed halfling of middle years. He has large hands, strong from years of kneading dough and tenderizing meat. His nose is large, almost of gnomely proportions- no doubt to enhance his fine sense of smell, which is so important in the cooking process. He wears a short-sleeved shirt, with a long apron over it tied at the waist. Sensible caving boots poke out from beneath it. “We aren’t from the Peachtrees, sir,” Ari says respectfully. “We’re different halflings. We’re HAM.* And we’re here to tell you that you’re free.” Cornbread blinks. “What do you mean?” “We took care of Peachtrees problem,” Jawbreaker says. “What?” “We helped rid Benjy Peachtrees of the madness that possessed him,” Nara explains. “He and his kin won’t be bothering you any more.” “So you say,” Cornbreak replies. “But it isn’t that simple. He has my family cookbook. As long as he possesses it, he has power over me.” “Not to worry,” burbles the obese Naomi, swallowing the last piece of sausage she had nestled between her sweaty breasts. “Here, I have something for you.” With a fat smile, Naomi reaches into her pack and pulls out an old, loose-paged, grease-stained book. “This is from Benjy- and us.” Cornbread takes the book. His eyes are wide. He slowly starts to grin. “How.. I can’t believe it! After all this time...” His eyes shimmer with tears. “Oh, thank you!” The grin is pronounced now. “Thank you!” “We are glad to help a cook of such renown,” Naomi says. “And we hope that you can now help us,” Nara adds. “Of course! What can I do?” “It is said,” Erasmuz declares, “that only Cornbread can open the way.” “The way... to the Promised Land,” breathes Cornbread. Erasmuz and Ari exchange a glance. “Yes... yes, I know of it,” Cornbread sighs. “Please, come in.” He moves back inside his hut. “I’ll need a few minutes to gather my things... perhaps you’d like some tea?” “Let’s have a meal before we go,” Naomi suggests. So it is that our heroes sit and eat with Cornbread. He is most grateful to them for freeing him from Benjy Peachtree’s influence, but even so, he is reluctant to let Naomi copy recipes from his family book. “You won’t need them anyway, where you’re going,” he says glumly. “Why? What do you mean?” “There is all the food you can imagine, in the Promised Land.” “Have you been there, then?” asks Nara. Cornbread nods. “I have.” “Come back with us,” Jawbreaker offers. “I can’t,” Cornbread sighs. “The food would kill me.” “What!” exclaims Ari. “I have been there, and left. Now that I have tasted... such blandness... as all food not of the Promised Land is, to eat or drink of it again would be too rich for me, too intense. It would be fatal. I may not return.” Our heroes are a little unsettled by this tale. “But,” Cornbread concludes, “I can and will help you.” “You have kin?” Jawbreaker asks. “Want us take you somewhere?” “No,” Cornbread shakes his head. “Distant kin, yes, but none close, none alive.” “Join our clan,” Chief Jawbreaker suggests impulsively. “Join-?” Cornbread stares at him. Slowly, nods. “You are the only people to have helped me, to have been kind to me, for a- a very long time. I [i]will[/i] join you! You said your clan is Ham?” And there it is. It hangs in the air in front of all of them for a moment as they realize how perfect it is. Yes, they are all of a single clan. They are family. The founding of a new clan is a rare thing, requiring a perfect confluence of circumstance, an unusual combination of event, need and desire. And here it is: a new clan, sparkling and newborn: Clan Ham. “Cornbread Ham,” says Cornbread. “I like the sounds of that.” Everyone grins at each other. This day is looking more and more promising with each passing moment! “Oh yeah, there’s one more thing, buddy,” Erasmuz adds. “We met some big brassy flaming thing on our way down here, and it asked us to tell you that the ovens are ready.” Cornbread stares at him. Slowly, he starts to laugh. “Indeed they are,” he chuckles, “indeed they are.” *** Though Cornbread Ham does not elaborate on the source of his amusement, our heroes get the sense that he wants to help their quest. He is not too forthcoming about his time in the Promised Land, but the party gets the impression that he either cannot or, perhaps, [i]should not[/i] talk about certain things. When Naomi mentions this notion to him, he does not deny it. The trek to the spot where the party met, and briefly fought, the ember guardian is made quick by [i]wind walk,[/i] and Cornbread leads the new-made Ham clan towards his ovens, where he sets to work at once, baking bread, cookies and other morsels. “When you are ready, let me know, and I’ll make the cornbread,” he says gravely. The others look around at each other. “We’re ready,” says Nara. Rush snorts. “This is it, then,” the human states. “I go no further with you. You go to your Promised Land! There is nothing for me to kill for you there.” “You don’t know that,” Erasmuz points out, but Rush folds his arms across his chest. “He is not suited to go anyhow,” Cornbread murmurs. “He is not a halfling.” “What about Federico?” asks Jawbreaker. “I’m a halfling!” squeaks the kobold. “We shall see,” Cornbread says. “You [i]might[/i] be. Rush certainly is not.” The human nods adamantly. *** The smell of baking cornbread is almost more than our heroes can stand. The aroma lingers in the air, heralding the arrival of the cornbread. Heralding- heralding the Promised Land itself. The smell thickens. “It will be soon, now,” Cornbread Ham says. As the delicious scent grows more and more intense, it slowly starts to become visible in the air. Slowly, shimmering, it forms a hazy portal. “There,” Cornbread breathes. “There! There is the portal!” He grins at the party. “Good luck. Thank you again for helping me!” Nara smiles at him. “And thank you.” Our heroes go through the portal. [i][b]Next Time:[/b][/i][b][/b] Into the Promised Land? *HAM = Halfling Action Militia. [/QUOTE]
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