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<blockquote data-quote="jackskellington" data-source="post: 5298517" data-attributes="member: 94394">So I have good news &amp; bad news.&nbsp; Like many in this thread, I think the situation is pretty much hopeless.&nbsp; I'd bail.&nbsp; But unlike many in this thread, I appear to be the only gamer who has ever been through this and had the DM pick us over his wife.Here's the story.&nbsp; It was a guys-only game for a long time.&nbsp; We treated it like a poker night or something -- we'd have beers, we'd do guy talk (including gripes about our home lives), and play the game like a hardcore tactical miniatures game.&nbsp; Heavy on mechanics, light on roleplay.But having the game at their house over &amp; over again, she got curious, and eventually joined.&nbsp; It was at this point that trouble started.&nbsp; I think she was offended by some of the guy talk (which we toned waaaayy down, but not entirely).&nbsp; And then she started getting needy &amp; clingy.Over a couple of years, she had him stop outside activities.&nbsp; He likes go-karts, she put the kibosh on that.&nbsp; He likes over-planning for D&amp;D sessions, but she likes loooong family dinners where they spend at least a couple hours slowly eating, telling stories, and talking &amp; talking &amp; talking.&nbsp; Eventually it became a &quot;you must spend your evenings in 3 hour dinners with me or you do not love me&quot; kind of thing.&nbsp; So he ran out of hours in the day to prepare, and started coming to games with only maybe a couple hours of prep done for the whole session.At that point, even though it was her doing, she became dissatisfied with the quality of the game.&nbsp; She began sleeping through it, or leaving halfway, or even just stepping aside for a combat.&nbsp; She'd wander into the kitchen and it'd be her turn and she'd say, &quot;Pass.&quot;&nbsp; And we'd be getting our butts kicked and she'd &quot;pass&quot; every turn in a battle.&nbsp; We ended up burning through far more scrolls &amp; wands &amp; healing spells because our blasty mage wasn't blasting.I started to realize that she viewed what she was doing as a favor to us.&nbsp; She felt she was being supportive of her husband to show an interest and attend.&nbsp; However, she never got into the game, so she left us utterly hanging, over and over again.&nbsp; Finally it was clear to me that she was not doing us any favors.&nbsp; Without her, we could have found another player who would have actually contributed.&nbsp; With her there, we just had this hole in the party, and kept dying or failing or fleeing.The last straw was when she was having a bad night and asked her husband to cancel the game (we were already sitting at the table, about to play).&nbsp; When he expressed that he felt awkward about canceling after everyone had already driven to the house, she got mad and told him it was us or her.&nbsp; We pre-empted that -- felt terrible to think we were in some dispute, so before he could decide we decided for him and left.The next week, it was hosted at another player's house.&nbsp; The DM showed up without his wife.&nbsp; At first, I think she was just too embarrassed about the last game to show her face.&nbsp; But after a session or two went wonderfully, we grew to have an unspoken understanding that she just wasn't invited anymore.&nbsp; When she started to gripe that she wasn't in the game anymore, nobody, not even the DM, coddled her.&nbsp; We all just sorta said, &quot;Yeah, too bad it didn't work out for you.&quot;So it can work out.&nbsp; Having said that, the only reason it worked out is because the DM had given up every other hobby that he had, at her demand.&nbsp; And he had stopped hanging out with friends and started spending all his time with her, at her demand.&nbsp; So it only ended the way it did because she had pushed him to a breaking point and he was like, &quot;This is my last connection to friends.&nbsp; It's not negotiable.&quot;&nbsp; If it hadn't been his last tie to a healthy social life, he would have caved.So all that is to say, uh, good luck?</blockquote>

[QUOTE="jackskellington, post: 5298517, member: 94394"] So I have good news & bad news. Like many in this thread, I think the situation is pretty much hopeless. I'd bail. But unlike many in this thread, I appear to be the only gamer who has ever been through this and had the DM pick us over his wife. Here's the story. It was a guys-only game for a long time. We treated it like a poker night or something -- we'd have beers, we'd do guy talk (including gripes about our home lives), and play the game like a hardcore tactical miniatures game. Heavy on mechanics, light on roleplay. But having the game at their house over & over again, she got curious, and eventually joined. It was at this point that trouble started. I think she was offended by some of the guy talk (which we toned waaaayy down, but not entirely). And then she started getting needy & clingy. Over a couple of years, she had him stop outside activities. He likes go-karts, she put the kibosh on that. He likes over-planning for D&D sessions, but she likes loooong family dinners where they spend at least a couple hours slowly eating, telling stories, and talking & talking & talking. Eventually it became a "you must spend your evenings in 3 hour dinners with me or you do not love me" kind of thing. So he ran out of hours in the day to prepare, and started coming to games with only maybe a couple hours of prep done for the whole session. At that point, even though it was her doing, she became dissatisfied with the quality of the game. She began sleeping through it, or leaving halfway, or even just stepping aside for a combat. She'd wander into the kitchen and it'd be her turn and she'd say, "Pass." And we'd be getting our butts kicked and she'd "pass" every turn in a battle. We ended up burning through far more scrolls & wands & healing spells because our blasty mage wasn't blasting. I started to realize that she viewed what she was doing as a favor to us. She felt she was being supportive of her husband to show an interest and attend. However, she never got into the game, so she left us utterly hanging, over and over again. Finally it was clear to me that she was [I]not[/I] doing us any favors. Without her, we could have found another player who would have actually contributed. With her there, we just had this hole in the party, and kept dying or failing or fleeing. The last straw was when she was having a bad night and asked her husband to cancel the game (we were already sitting at the table, about to play). When he expressed that he felt awkward about canceling after everyone had [I]already[/I] driven to the house, she got mad and told him it was us or her. We pre-empted that -- felt terrible to think we were in some dispute, so before he could decide we decided for him and left. The next week, it was hosted at another player's house. The DM showed up without his wife. At first, I think she was just too embarrassed about the last game to show her face. But after a session or two went wonderfully, we grew to have an unspoken understanding that she just wasn't invited anymore. When she started to gripe that she wasn't in the game anymore, nobody, not even the DM, coddled her. We all just sorta said, "Yeah, too bad it didn't work out for you." So it can work out. Having said that, the [i]only[/i] reason it worked out is because the DM had given up [i]every other hobby[/i] that he had, at her demand. And he had stopped hanging out with friends and started spending all his time with her, at her demand. So it only ended the way it did because she had pushed him to a breaking point and he was like, "This is my last connection to friends. It's not negotiable." If it hadn't been his last tie to a healthy social life, he would have caved. So all that is to say, uh, good luck? [/QUOTE]

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