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Message: <blockquote data-quote="GravyFingerz" data-source="post: 599830" data-attributes="member: 77">Well, I'm feeling a little tipsy and less inhibited ... and we are all friends, pals, buddies, and such. I thought I would spill my mind tonight. Get some thoughts out of my head and in to a thread. If you are entertained, then I am glad. If you are not, then what can I say.I am an amateur game designer, a freelance writer, but I wonder sometimes if I deserve those titles. I made a game, Malls & Morons. Some people say it's good. No one has said it is bad. I wonder sometimes if it is good enough to see the prestige of being on a book shelf with other books. I've had this game for 4 years, and it's been on the internet for 1, I believe.I was proud to make it a free game. But now I say, "I want to publish it." I think people understand, but I feel like I am betraying them for wanting to publish. Is it wrong? Maybe so, maybe not. Sometimes I feel like I am violating my integrity as a writer, by making certain decisions. Sometimes I think I annoy my friends when I talk about M&M. Maybe I talk about it a lot. It's my work though, but I don't think they understand that. They say it's a good game, but they are my friends. They tell me what I want to hear, but it's not what I want to hear. I want them to be honest, not to be yes men. I tell them this, but I don't think it gets through.I want fame. I want people to see my game and see my name and say "That Orion guy makes a good game." I like to hear the compliments and suggestions and critiques. Maybe I don't use them all, but I still like to hear them - it means you have an interest in something I created. I don't care about the money - it's a neat little perk. I am an elitist. By that, I mean that I believe that certain people shouldn't be in the role playing hobby. I believe certain people are detrimental to the hobby, and should have no part of this. Maybe this is normal, maybe it isn't.Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find love that will last for a life time. My ex's and friends say I will, but this is again, them telling me what I want to hear ... it's pretty sad when strangers are more honest than your friends. <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f641.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":(" title="Frown    :("  data-smilie="3"data-shortname=":(" /> If I don't find love to last a life time, I don't want to live past 40. I see no reason in living in a decaying and breaking body till im 100. It doesn't seem like a good thing. There is this girl at my place of employment ... she is a short asian girl, she must be 5 feet tall or less. But she is really cute ... I want to get to know her, but it's awkward.There is this other girl, who I've talked to on several occasions. She is cute, funny, sweet, and she laughs at my terrible jokes. There are times where I just want to cut loose and ask her out - the other times, one side of me says "She has a boyfriend no doubt; cuties like her aren't free for long". Seems like everyone and their mother has a significant other. Seems so easy, yet so difficult at the same time.I wish I would stop dreaming. My dreams depress me.</blockquote>

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