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Message: <blockquote data-quote="SHARK" data-source="post: 229011" data-attributes="member: 1131">Greetings!Kyle--I know what you are going through is perhaps the most painful thing you have ever experienced. It is a raw, ferocious pain that is deep within you, that just won't go away, like someone hammering away with a great hammer on the inside of your chest. The feeling--the reality--of watching your life unravel, and race down a road that you never dreamed it could ever go is terrifying, and absolute agony. The burning agony of such monstrous betrayal. Try and breath. Pray for strength, and pray for peace. Are you working? Try to get involved in work, as hard as it may be. make sure you have a friend or two that you can scream with, and cry with. Let your emotions flow unhindered.However, realise that though this situation is partially Christopher's fault--even in your hate and wrath--remember that this is more about your wife. Unless Christopher raped her--which by her testimony he did not--then he didn't do anything that she didn't give him the greenlight to do. The fact that he has never had a girlfriend or sex at all makes him even more of a dupe--a young sweet plaything that your wife has used for her own emotional and sexual satisfaction. He was merely taken along for the ride, so to speak. At the end of the day, because the deeper problem is with your wife, try to recognize that if it wasn't Christopher, your wife would probably have sought emotional and sexual gratification with someone else.I say this because it seems to me that though you are not perfect, the problem is this:Your wife must decide if, despite your own faults and shortcomings, that she wants to embrace her lifelong committment to your marriage, and to you, and to the whole family, or not.Every marriage has problems and struggles. No one is exempt, and no one is perfect. The question arises for both of you--do you love each other, forgive each other, and recommit to each other, and work through your problems, or not?That is a series of questions that you and she--must confront. If she is not willing to do so, then you need to realise that she is a woman that doesn't want to get down to the hard work that marriage can demand. Realise that you need then to get a divorce, and move on. That will be agony as well, but realise, that there are women who believe in doing the hard work of marriage, as well as all the fun stuff. They are not easy to find, but they do exist. Also know that many people--men and women alike--do not want to do all that it takes to make a happy, secure marriage. A good marriage isn't just sweet and light--it is work, struggle, and pain, too. Some people can't forgive, they can't accept, they can't work through things. Your wife may choose she doesn't want marriage. Realise that she may decide that. Remmeber also, Kyle, that her choice has far more to do with *her* and her choices, her responses to your marriage, than you, as a man, as a individual. That doesn't take you off tyhe hook, for you may need to take a hard look at how you behave with her, or talk to her, or do things with her, and so on. It could be several things that you need to work on. But all of the work in the world doesn't mean anything if two people aren't commited to working on it together, and remaining faithful to each other. If your wife is willing to be faithful, and work on your problems together, and want to stay married, do so. If not, then you must accept that she really has chosen to go down a different road--and despite the horrible pain, you must regain your strength, and find a new woman. You will need a new woman, a better woman, and your son will need a father--regardless if his mother has chosen to leave her husband and his father.A long road is before you--but resolve to struggle on that road because you are a man of honour, a man of faith, and a man of integrity. You can survive this hour. There shall be blessing, strength and happiness on the other side of this tribulation. Decide in your heart Kyle that no matter the pain, you will struggle through this.I hope my comments and my encouragement have been of some small help to you Kyle in this time of tribulation. You are welcome to e-mail me further if desired. Semper Fidelis,SHARK</blockquote>

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