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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Sodalis" data-source="post: 229385" data-attributes="member: 1791">Kyle,  Iknow I cant say anything to relieve any of your pain, but know that you are not alone.  I will throw my name into the "been there" stash.If anyone wants to hear my story:My first GF (in High school) and I were dating for almost 5 years.  We had a semi distant relationship (100 miles apart) but i got see her every weekend.  And I did tell he I love here everyday- and showed her through the way i acted, and presents, and everything.  I was planning a future with her- in my schoolwork, job, and future career. we even sat down to talk about what we awanted for our wedding...I was faithful- and unwaivering...sorry i can't say the same for her.  After 5 years, she asked me for some time off.  I thought she just needed some space- so I gave it to her.  Then she said she wanted to see other epople. I thought it was her way of saying she wanted some variety.  Then she told me it was over.  the next few months were the worst in my life.  i could not concentrate on classes, or anything (college) and my grades fell- (I came an inch away from being kicked out of school) I sat on top of a parking structure (6 stories) and contemplated just flinging myself off.  I sat on its edge for eight hours.  the only thing that kept me sane was the thought of a friend that has listened to my stories for the last two months and how special she made me feel.  And i thought about how sad she would feel if I did jump... and so i came off and went to tell her how grateful I was.  To sum up what i learned from that:It is not your fault.  Sure, you lost your job, and were depressed, and closed yourself off from her.  but being your wife, she should have understood what you were going through, and stayed by your side.  And you can't think back (although it is somethign taht everyone does) and punish yourself by saying "If only I did this..." because you didnt.  "If" questions only add fuel to the fire.  From what I hear of your story, I dont think it would have made a difference.  When a person decides on something, there is little that can change it.  I loved my GF,and proved it everyday.  I made her a part of my family (family is the most important part of my life), gave her gifts, spend as much time as i could with her, give her random presents, surprise her with trinkets, and the end result was the same.  she just lost the feeling that she once had. the best i can do is offer my sympathies, and know that I truly feel your pain.  Give it a couple of weeks, and then find a hobby that consumes all your time.  this should keep your mind off of the matter- and then move on with your life...in whichever direction it takes you.If you feel that your wife still loves you and your son is special to you and that this relationship will work out, then you can continue it.  But if you feel that you can never forgive her, or forgive but not forget, then you should accept the divorce and move on. though the two of you are separated, that does not mean you have to give up your son.  Love him as you always have, and be in his life, and he will grow up as normal as can be... with a minor emotional scar.  And if you do decide to get back together with your wife, you must forgive her and forget this incident.  If you forgive but not forget, then it will tear apart the relationship- again.  it will haunt you and you will suffer the daily tourment of a past event that cannot be changed.I am truly sorry- and i hope you can see that the world is a better place than what is presented to you now.  just pick yourself up and tell yourself that "i have a son, and he is the most beautiful boy in the worlds.  And he is worth everything..."and there are people out there that love you.  At a time like this, seek out suport, from friends and family.  Sometimes, all you really need to move on, is a hug from someone you care about, and care for you...</blockquote>

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