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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Scarbonac" data-source="post: 1067291" data-attributes="member: 9129">Nope, nope, wasn't me, no one can prove otherwise, that's muh story an' I'm a' stickin' to it! <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f600.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":D" title="Big grin    :D"  data-smilie="8"data-shortname=":D" />Gor...eh; I liked the books (Barsoom rip-offs that they were) before they turned into being about the main character  dominating sassy Earth-wenches through Applied Sadomasochism. I watched the movies, notable mostly for some scenery-chewing and high embarrasment  from actors who should have taken up panhandling (Oliver Reed & Jack Palance) rather than subject themselves to the indignity of being associated with these celluloid turkeys.Interesting factoid: Arnold Vosloo, who was the Replacement Dark Man and Imhotep the Mummy, appears in Gor.Speaking of Jack Palance, he's also in Hawk, as the villain, Voltan, who is at odds with his brother, Hawk (my theory is that their parents were high when they named them).Voltan wants his father's kingdom, Dad's magic sword and his brother's girlie.  Kills Dad; kills girlie and Hawk gets the sword as a lovely consolation prize. Voltan gets a copy of the home game from Milton Bradley and the kingdom.He's an utter bastard, and carries an ugly mess of special effects make-up on one side of his face, which he tries to cover with half a hubcap. So, because Voltan is busy holy-terroring (some nuns, actually, just to show how eeeeeeeeee-vile he is), Hawk is called upon to take him out.Hawk teams up with Ranulf, a chappie who fingers were lopped off, so he developed an autofire crossbow  ( <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f615.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":confused:" title="Confused    :confused:"  data-smilie="5"data-shortname=":confused:" />  which is cool and everything, want one desperately, but it's as out of place as a flying car would be in Huckleberry Finn) and together they seek out Hawk's old mercenary buddies.Gort the Giant, who's working as dumb muscle (like that's a stretch...get it...? Stretch? He's a Giant? He's tall...? Phooey.) Crow the elven archer , who is re-enacting the dueling scene from The Seven Samurai (cool enough elf, but the ears were strictly sub-DR WHO-level make-up); Baldin the Dwarf, who's busy being sacrificed to a Lake Gawd by whacky whacky cultists(a bit tall for a dwarf, uses a whip and eats live fish pulled straight out of the water) and a blind seeress/witch (whose best weapons consist of magic Ping-Pong balls and party-streamers).It's a little bit Dirty Dozen, a little bit (OK, a lot bit) Seven Samurai with not quite enough Tolkien for flavor.I love it anyway.</blockquote>

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