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<blockquote data-quote="The Sigil" data-source="post: 1791815" data-attributes="member: 2013">I was moved almost to tears on reading your post, Kyle.&nbsp; I immediately thought of Bernard Hill's King Theoden in LotR - no parent should ever have to bury a child.Two other thoughts came fast to my mind... the first by my step-uncle, who once told me, &quot;crying isn't bad or wimpy or evil... its the physical evidence of the soul releasing pressure, much as steam comes out of a pressure cooker - and it's good because only that release keeps it from exploding.&quot;&nbsp; You don't have to &quot;be a man.&quot;&nbsp; You don't have to &quot;not cry.&quot;&nbsp; As was previously mentioned, if you need to scream, yell, howl at the moon, whatever... do it.&nbsp; The worst thing you can do is try to swallow and hide your emotions - that only makes it worse.&nbsp; As others have suggested, you might want to see a grief counselor as well, but keep in mind that the reason you're going is NOT so you stop missing Kaleb.&nbsp; The reason you're going is because you DO miss Kaleb and need to learn how to deal with that.The second thought was more of a reminder - this reminds me about &quot;the order of happiness.&quot;&nbsp; A wise man was once asked, &quot;what is the order of happiness?&quot;&nbsp; After a moment, he replied, &quot;grandparents die, parents die, children die...&quot;&nbsp; The petitioner was shocked and said, &quot;THAT'S happiness?&quot;&nbsp; The wise man asked, &quot;why, what order would you rather have it in?&quot;&nbsp; Your story reinforced that point for me... I am fortunate to have both of my parents still alive... and both of my kids are alive and well, my wife is pregnant with a third... so far, we haven't had a miscarriage... I've been very fortunate.&nbsp; So while I can't understand the depths of your grief - I haven't been there myself - I can understand that you grieve... because I can imagine it happening to me (as other have said, you're living through every parent's worst nightmare).I know religion is taboo on these boards, but I'll risk censure by saying that if you have religion in your life, now is the time to let that help you understand your place, and Kaleb's place in the universe - and if you're in a Judeo-Christian religion, a lot of prayer to God could also be helpful.&nbsp; You might also visit with your local pastor and ask him for some help dealing with your grief.&nbsp; I know I would lean heavily on my own religious beliefs to help me cope in a case like yours (I have a certain religious worldview that I can only imagine would comfort me in times like yours, but this not being a place to discuss religion, think that is about as far as I should go with that discussion).&nbsp; Religious faith often helps us get through the hard times in our lives, regardless of the religion in question.God bless you, and I'll be praying for your heart to heal... not so you forget Kaleb, but so you can see him in the trees, the sky, the face of a thousand strangers, and in that way can live the rest of your life better for the brief time you spent together when he was a child.*gives a hug*--The Sigil</blockquote>

[QUOTE="The Sigil, post: 1791815, member: 2013"] I was moved almost to tears on reading your post, Kyle. I immediately thought of Bernard Hill's King Theoden in LotR - [i]no parent should ever have to bury a child.[/i] Two other thoughts came fast to my mind... the first by my step-uncle, who once told me, [i]"crying isn't bad or wimpy or evil... its the physical evidence of the soul releasing pressure, much as steam comes out of a pressure cooker - and it's good because only that release keeps it from exploding."[/i] You don't have to "be a man." You don't have to "not cry." As was previously mentioned, if you need to scream, yell, howl at the moon, whatever... do it. The worst thing you can do is try to swallow and hide your emotions - that only makes it worse. As others have suggested, you might want to see a grief counselor as well, but keep in mind that the reason you're going is NOT so you stop missing Kaleb. The reason you're going is because you DO miss Kaleb and need to learn how to deal with that. The second thought was more of a reminder - this reminds me about "the order of happiness." A wise man was once asked, "what is the order of happiness?" After a moment, he replied, "grandparents die, parents die, children die..." The petitioner was shocked and said, "THAT'S happiness?" The wise man asked, "why, what order would you rather have it in?" Your story reinforced that point for me... I am fortunate to have both of my parents still alive... and both of my kids are alive and well, my wife is pregnant with a third... so far, we haven't had a miscarriage... I've been very fortunate. So while I can't understand the depths of your grief - I haven't been there myself - I can understand that you grieve... because I can imagine it happening to me (as other have said, you're living through every parent's worst nightmare). I know religion is taboo on these boards, but I'll risk censure by saying that if you have religion in your life, now is the time to let that help you understand your place, and Kaleb's place in the universe - and if you're in a Judeo-Christian religion, a lot of prayer to God could also be helpful. You might also visit with your local pastor and ask him for some help dealing with your grief. I know I would lean heavily on my own religious beliefs to help me cope in a case like yours (I have a certain religious worldview that I can only imagine would comfort me in times like yours, but this not being a place to discuss religion, think that is about as far as I should go with that discussion). Religious faith often helps us get through the hard times in our lives, regardless of the religion in question. God bless you, and I'll be praying for your heart to heal... not so you forget Kaleb, but so you can see him in the trees, the sky, the face of a thousand strangers, and in that way can live the rest of your life better for the brief time you spent together when he was a child. *gives a hug* --The Sigil [/QUOTE]

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