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Message: <blockquote data-quote="apsuman" data-source="post: 1726967" data-attributes="member: 1769">I found this article in an old issue of Barbarous Living and I think it has some of what you are looking forButcherly to Butchery: the Tale of One ManUgnor Thak, the Savage King to many, reknown for leading the barbaric hordes of the last war has turned from setting fires to home and hearth to setting up fires in his hearth with his new restaurant, Choke and Pilliage.  Offering fare of the badlands the Choke and Pillage is delightfully ecclectic and refreshing with a primevil decor and *real* swords on the walls. Ugnor is the head chef, and his wife Umlaat is the general manager.The most amazing thing about the whole restaurant, however, is the sheer speed of the kitchen staff.  The banquet hall is more than fourty feet long and Ugnor and his staff can just about go from one end to another a just a handful of seconds.  Despite having a throng of loyal followers in the kitchen Ugnor, Ugy to those that know him, still does everything.  "Nobody cleans chickens faster than Ugy, " said his wife, "he just gets mad, I mean really really *MAD* and just starts ripping the chickens apart.  And unlike the younger kitchen staff Ugnor just never gets tired."  Umlaat went on to say that although using a knife would make for a neater appearance they really like the Ugnor's style as it fits the ambiance of the restaurant.And it's not just the preparation where Ugnor shines.  As a matter of fact some of his finest work is done with a knife.  He cuts, slices, dices, and cops faster than anyone.  So fast in fact that it appears that his hand does not even get out of the way of the knife.  After what seemed like an especially brutal barage against a roast his hands were inspected for damage with nary a scratch to be found.  But, the piece de resistance is his escargo.  They bring him a bucket of snails and in about six seconds he can cleave through all of them at one table and all of them at another table five feet away.  "It really is amazing, " said Hiram Feathertoes a tallfellow regular.  "I perfer the sundered chicken or the hodshead platter, but watching him with those snails is just unbelieveable," he continued.Asked about his favorite food to prepare, Ugnor said "Dragon.  Me like almost anyway, " fighting his accent, "Broil, bake, frisaccie, roast, only way me not like when Dragon not big part of dish"  Apparently he does not like his Dragon Dice so do not expect to come to the Choke and Pilliage to find a dragon salad.</blockquote>

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