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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Edena_of_Neith" data-source="post: 360726" data-attributes="member: 2020">That does it.    Peter Jackson should have rewritten FOTR (and the subsequent films) as follows:  The hobbits are nice and peaceful folk  The hobbits celebrate Bilbo's birthday  Bilbo leaves the Ring to Frodo, and goes off to Rivendell  Gandalf finds Gollum, and finds out Sauron knows of the Shire.  Gandalf goes to Minas Tirith, and reads Isildur's scrolls  Gandalf returns to Bag End, and discovers Frodo's ring is the One Ring  Gandalf rides to Isengard.  The Great Hobbit Muster begins  Gandalf is betrayed by Saruman, but escapes  The Great Hobbit Muster ends  The Nine are chased out of the Shire by the hobbits    The White Council convenes  Saruman is thrown out  Frodo is welcomed in  Sam is welcomed in  Merry is welcomed in  In a fit of generosity, they admit Pippin  The White Council (Linden, Rivendell, Lothlorien, the Istari) admits Denethor of Gondor, Aragorn of the Rangers, Theoden of Rohan, Thranduil of Mirkwood, Dain of the Lonely Mountain, Brand of Dale, the leader of Lake-Town, the Beornings, and the Thain of the Shire, into the Council.  The White Council is suddenly joined by Treebeard, who is tired of Sauron making kindling and firewood out of his people.  Gwilhir, Lord of the Eagles, joins the White Council.  After a long debate, Barliman Butterbur is admitted to the White Council to represent Bree.  Frodo is declared High Commander of the White Alliance  Frodo leads the northern forces of the White Alliance south.  Isengard is assaulted by Rohan, western Gondor, and the Ents.  Dunland is told to surrender or face obliteration.  Isengard falls.  Dunland surrenders.    Frodo and his forces obliterate Dul Gulder, and the monsters of Southern Mirkwood flee south and east.  Sauron, greatly alarmed that history is repeating itself, sends his main army out of the Morannon.  It is joined by all the Easterlings that can arrive in time.  The Morgul Host marches forth against Gondor.  As many of the Haradrim join them as possible.  The Corsairs of Umbar put out to sea.  Frodo and the main army of the White Alliance come down from the north against Sauron's great host of the Morannon.  The Ents circle around behind that host and send the Huorns in.  Sauron's Morannon host is obliterated.  Sauron's Morgul Host tries to take Osgiliath, but the Dead are defending it, and the Morgul Host is driven back to Morgul Vale.  The valiant armies of Gondor, with help from the Dead, wipe out the Corsairs.  Sauron sends his main reinforcing army out of the Morannon, while he demands his Easterlings threatening the Lonely Mountain come and help him.  They comply.  Frodo and his allies decisively defeat Sauron's main host, with the help of the Huorns and the Dead, the Riders of Rohan, and the staunch men of Gondor.  The Easterling Army runs into a forest of Huorns, and is never seen again.  Frodo, never to do things half-witted, storms the Morannon and Udun, and makes them fortresses for Gondor.  He then marches south along Mordor's western mountains, and takes Cirith Ungol.  Minas Morgul is now surrounded.  Frodo sends the Dead in, along with volunteers, and they drive the enemy out of the cursed city.  Those fleeing east are shot down or driven into Shelob's Lair.  Those fleeing west are shot down or killed by the Dead.  Frodo and the main host assault Mount Doom, which Sauron has put most of his remaining forces around.  With the Dead, Huorns, Ents, Riders of Rohan, Legions of Gondor, elves, dwarves, and hobbits from the Shire, Frodo takes Mount Doom.  Gandalf, Galadriel, and Elrond all three grab Frodo by surprise, and hurl him into the Fire.  When Sam protests, they hurl him in also.  Galadriel declares herself High Queen of the Noldor, Elrond obliges her, and all of northwestern Middle Earth goes to them.  When the hobbits protest, they are granted an exemption - they can maintain Home Rule, so long as they answer to Caras Galadon.  To the dwarves go all of northeast Middle Earth, plus Moria (that balrog ran off when it saw the White Alliance coming by.)  Dain is proclaimed High King of Wilderland.  When Thranduil objects to this, he is told to cooperate with the dwarves, or face the fate of Thingol.  Thranduil decides that improved dwarven-elven relations wouldn't be such a bad idea ...  Gondor is given Rhun, Rohan, Edenwaith, Mordor, and all of Haradwaith. When Theoden objects, Gandalf and Aragorn give him control of Orthanc, and Theoden agrees to Gondor's overrule.  Denethor commits suicide, seeing that Gandalf has won the game, and the Stewards are thrown down.   In a move of unparalled generosity, Aragorn gives the orcs all of Mordor to live in - so long as they stay there and do not leave again (of course, he secretly breeds them, together with the Uruk-Hai, into a new and more dreadful army.)  Aragorn does NOT release the Dead.  Since they spent 3,000 years in rebellion, they shall now spend 3,000 years serving Gondor.  Pippin and Merry return to the Shire, kick the Thain out on a pretext, and make themselves rulers of the Shire.  The Shire revolts against the elves.  Pippin subdues Elrond, and drives Arwen and Cirdan back.  Merry subdues Galadriel, and the elves flee the battlefield.  The Hobbit Host besieges and takes both the Grey Havens and Imladris.  The Hobbit Host, with the help of sympathetic Huorns and Ents (Pippin, Merry, and Treebeard are good friends, you see) assault and take Lothlorien.  The Hobbit Host demands the surrender of Thranduil.  Thranduil decides hobbits would make better masters than dwarves (considering Bilbo's cleverness, he would know), and agrees.  The Shire is expanded to include all of Linden, Arnor, Forodwaith (where enterprising hobbits tame all the dragons), the Vales of Anduin, Mirkwood, and Eregion.  Gondor demands all of Arnor be returned to it, since Aragorn wants the Kingdom Reunited.  The Hobbits say no.  Gondor declares war.  Bilbo intercedes with Dain and Brand, and because of good memories (and the spirit of Thorin Oakenshield, who rises from the dead to speak for Bilbo) all the dwarves of Moria, Lonely Mountain, the Iron Hills, plus all the humans of Dale and Lake-Town, join the hobbits.  The Ents decide to join the hobbits.  Gondor's onslaught at Sarn Ford is wiped out, and even the Dead are driven back by the hobbits, Huorns, elves, and dwarves.  Gondor loses the Battle of Tharbad.  The Second Destruction of Isengard occurs, and Theoden (wisely) decides to revolt against Aragorn, and joins the hobbits.  Dunland also (wisely) joins the hobbits.  Pippin (Merry's too old for this kind of stuff, he says, and he stays behind to guard the prisoners, plus Elrond and Galadriel) invades Gondor proper.  The Easterlings and Haradrim revolt against Gondor, and join the hobbits.    Anorien falls to the hobbits.  The hobbits conquer the Halls of the Dead.  Aragorn fortifies Minas Tirith.  Pippin leads the assault on Minas Tirith.  Minas Tirith Falls.  Pippin executes Aragorn on the spot for bad-mouthing Frodo in the inn at Bree (Barliman Butterbur is a Witness to this badmouthing, and steps forward to speak against Aragorn.)  The rest of Gondor capitulates now that the capital city has fallen.  The Hobbits declare the whole of Middle Earth to be in the Shire.  The Ents and their Huorns are sent out to enforce this in all lands.  Hobbit lordlings are set into place in all lands, to keep an eye on their subjects.  All the armies of all the lands are disbanded.  All weapons are melted, or put into Michel Delvings.  All armor and shields are put into Mathoms.  It is decreed there shall be one (and only one) sheriff in each of the lands.  Pippin allows the orcs to leave Mordor, but those who will not behave are cast into the sea.  The orcs who will behave, are sent to brainwashing centers to learn hobbit behavior.  Peace comes to Middle Earth.  Gandalf, seeing his job is finished, heads over Sea.  Elrond and Galadriel, for reasons that should be painfully obvious, go with him (after Merry generously releases them from their captivity.)  Sam, who was not thrown into the Fire (he decided in the end that Frodo wasn't worth that much) settles down peacefully with Rosie.  Sam and Rosie marry.  And an end comes to our story.</blockquote>

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