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<blockquote data-quote="Chimera" data-source="post: 2892171" data-attributes="member: 2002"><p>Very good advice. I'd also avoid people you sort-of know.</p><p></p><p>I leaned on a couple of people during the initial days of my divorce, and very shortly lost them as friends. Same kind of remarks Harmon quotes above.</p><p></p><p>OTOH, some people you know might suprise you with their compassion and willingness to listen and help. Sometimes it might even be people you'd never have thought of as being "that way" (People who claim to "know" me often severely misjudge me on that score. I'm the one guy they could probably talk about ANYTHING with.)</p><p></p><p>As far as what you write so far:</p><p></p><p>Envy is normal, but... It's self-torture and self-punishment. All your life you're going to run up against people who have more money than you, a more beautiful spouse, more free time, a more fun job, a bigger X. Ok, so??? Wasting all your time and energy worrying about it or being jealous of them won't get you a bigger X. It will cost you your health, your relationships, your life. Let it go.</p><p></p><p>You can't change the past. Yeah, it took you longer than normal to get out of school. But you know what? <strong>YOU DID IT!!!</strong> It's over, it's done. Congratulations. No matter how hard it was and how long it took, you did it. <strong>You are a success.</strong></p><p></p><p>You know, the job may be tough, the hours long and your debt high. Congratulations, you've discovered <strong>Real Life</strong>. Disappointing, no? The real secret of adult life is that a majority of people hate their jobs and don't make enough money to live the way that they want to live.</p><p></p><p>Hey, my debt is climbing through the ceiling as my 45-hour a week job doesn't cover my bills. Take a look around you at all the people with really nasty credit debt. Heck, I've known a lot of people with cool cars, boats and all the toys, who went clubbing every night....and were secretly spending themselves into oblivion.</p><p></p><p>Not everything that glitters is Gold.</p><p></p><p>What you're feeling is STRESS. It's from worry, envy, feeling like you don't have enough, like everyone else is better off than you. It's natural. It's also false.</p><p></p><p>Stop worrying about the external lies. The false appearances, What The Other Guy Has.</p><p></p><p>Start by taking stock of What You Have. And I don't mean Personal Possessions. I mean everything, including your health, your friends, your family, what makes you happy. May sound pie-in-the-sky or pollyanna, but at one point, it really helped me to figure out that things weren't really as bad as all this external crap was leading me to believe.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Chimera, post: 2892171, member: 2002"] Very good advice. I'd also avoid people you sort-of know. I leaned on a couple of people during the initial days of my divorce, and very shortly lost them as friends. Same kind of remarks Harmon quotes above. OTOH, some people you know might suprise you with their compassion and willingness to listen and help. Sometimes it might even be people you'd never have thought of as being "that way" (People who claim to "know" me often severely misjudge me on that score. I'm the one guy they could probably talk about ANYTHING with.) As far as what you write so far: Envy is normal, but... It's self-torture and self-punishment. All your life you're going to run up against people who have more money than you, a more beautiful spouse, more free time, a more fun job, a bigger X. Ok, so??? Wasting all your time and energy worrying about it or being jealous of them won't get you a bigger X. It will cost you your health, your relationships, your life. Let it go. You can't change the past. Yeah, it took you longer than normal to get out of school. But you know what? [b]YOU DID IT!!![/b] It's over, it's done. Congratulations. No matter how hard it was and how long it took, you did it. [b]You are a success.[/b] You know, the job may be tough, the hours long and your debt high. Congratulations, you've discovered [b]Real Life[/b]. Disappointing, no? The real secret of adult life is that a majority of people hate their jobs and don't make enough money to live the way that they want to live. Hey, my debt is climbing through the ceiling as my 45-hour a week job doesn't cover my bills. Take a look around you at all the people with really nasty credit debt. Heck, I've known a lot of people with cool cars, boats and all the toys, who went clubbing every night....and were secretly spending themselves into oblivion. Not everything that glitters is Gold. What you're feeling is STRESS. It's from worry, envy, feeling like you don't have enough, like everyone else is better off than you. It's natural. It's also false. Stop worrying about the external lies. The false appearances, What The Other Guy Has. Start by taking stock of What You Have. And I don't mean Personal Possessions. I mean everything, including your health, your friends, your family, what makes you happy. May sound pie-in-the-sky or pollyanna, but at one point, it really helped me to figure out that things weren't really as bad as all this external crap was leading me to believe. [/QUOTE]
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