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Player Ostracism: Advice Needed
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<blockquote data-quote="Wormwood" data-source="post: 2409000" data-attributes="member: 928"><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">Long, rambling post ahead.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">Two years ago, my gaming group of 15+ years (the Guys) broke up because of a combination of MMORPGs and real-life issues.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"> </span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">With one exception (me), the Guys remained in contact with each other: playing City of Heroes and World of Warcraft, weekly flag-football and Texas-Hold 'Em, even a fantasy football league. The Guys just didn't meet for tabletop RPGs any more.</span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"> </span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">I don't have time for MMORPGs, I don't play football, nor do I gamble. Since I didn't share their non-tabletop interests, </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">only [size=+0]one member of the Guys remained close to me: <strong>Spud</strong> (not his real name, natch)</span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> </span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">My friendship with "Spud" predates both gaming and the formation of the Guys. He's damn near family—I'd take a bullet for him, and vice versa. Spud still plays poker and football with the Guys, but I also see him every week just to hang out, maybe catch a movie or grab a beer (my wife comes along which is a huge plus, since she wasn't included when the Guys and I were gaming). </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> </span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">Yesterday, I got an email from one of the Guys inviting me to an upcoming 3.5 game. Against all hope, the Guys were reuniting!. This is <em>fantastic </em>news—my absolute favorite game with my absolute favorite gamers! </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> </span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">Then I read the last sentence of the email. Apparently, they were specifically *not* inviting Spud, and he was *not* to be informed the game exists. The others in the group are united in this. Spud is <em>persona non grata </em>where gaming is concerned.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> </span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">Now, I'm the first to admit that Spud isn't one of my favorite players when it comes to roleplaying. He complains, undermines the DM, and acts like a judgemental jerk at the table. </span></span><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">In non-gaming situations, he's a prince. Unfortunately he loves gaming, and doesn't seem to see what a jerk he is at the table.</span></span></span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> </span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><em>But he's also my best friend, </em>and the only one of the Guys to reach out to me in the past two years. I know he would be deeply hurt if he discovered we had formed game behind his back. He'd be even more hurt to find that I was playing that game.</span></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> </span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">I believe the only proper course of action would be to politely decline the invitation without telling Spud about the game. While I'm desperate to play D&D again, I'm unwilling to specifically ostracize a good friend.</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"> </span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px">Is there a solution I'm overlooking? A Third Way? Can I have my cake (Spud's friendship) and eat it too (play w/o him)?</span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-family: 'Arial'"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Arial'">[/size]</span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wormwood, post: 2409000, member: 928"] [font=Arial][size=2] [font=Arial][size=2]Long, rambling post ahead. Two years ago, my gaming group of 15+ years (the Guys) broke up because of a combination of MMORPGs and real-life issues.[/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]With one exception (me), the Guys remained in contact with each other: playing City of Heroes and World of Warcraft, weekly flag-football and Texas-Hold 'Em, even a fantasy football league. The Guys just didn't meet for tabletop RPGs any more.[/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]I don't have time for MMORPGs, I don't play football, nor do I gamble. Since I didn't share their non-tabletop interests, [/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2]only [size=+0]one member of the Guys remained close to me: [b]Spud[/b] (not his real name, natch) [/size][/font][/size][font=Arial][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]My friendship with "Spud" predates both gaming and the formation of the Guys. He's damn near family—I'd take a bullet for him, and vice versa. Spud still plays poker and football with the Guys, but I also see him every week just to hang out, maybe catch a movie or grab a beer (my wife comes along which is a huge plus, since she wasn't included when the Guys and I were gaming). [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Yesterday, I got an email from one of the Guys inviting me to an upcoming 3.5 game. Against all hope, the Guys were reuniting!. This is [i]fantastic [/i]news—my absolute favorite game with my absolute favorite gamers! [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Then I read the last sentence of the email. Apparently, they were specifically *not* inviting Spud, and he was *not* to be informed the game exists. The others in the group are united in this. Spud is [i]persona non grata [/i]where gaming is concerned.[/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Now, I'm the first to admit that Spud isn't one of my favorite players when it comes to roleplaying. He complains, undermines the DM, and acts like a judgemental jerk at the table. [/size][/font][font=Arial][size=2][font=Arial][size=2]In non-gaming situations, he's a prince. Unfortunately he loves gaming, and doesn't seem to see what a jerk he is at the table. [/size][/font][/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2][i]But he's also my best friend, [/i]and the only one of the Guys to reach out to me in the past two years. I know he would be deeply hurt if he discovered we had formed game behind his back. He'd be even more hurt to find that I was playing that game. [/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]I believe the only proper course of action would be to politely decline the invitation without telling Spud about the game. While I'm desperate to play D&D again, I'm unwilling to specifically ostracize a good friend.[/size][/font] [font=Arial][size=2]Is there a solution I'm overlooking? A Third Way? Can I have my cake (Spud's friendship) and eat it too (play w/o him)? [/size][/font] [/size][/font] [/QUOTE]
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