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Message: <blockquote data-quote="ForceUser" data-source="post: 2016073" data-attributes="member: 2785">Heck of a title, eh?Let me preface this by saying that I am the DM in question, and that I am aware of some mistakes I have made with this player and her group. First, I tried to dictate the game dynamic. Every group has its own dynamic and finds its fun in its own style; what I did for a long time with this group was try to enforce a style of play that they were not familiar with. It was a playstyle that works with an older group that I game with, and we have so much fun together in that older group that I wanted to capture that experience and bring it to the newer group to share with them. The results have been mixed--being that they are a group of new and new-to-D&D players, not to mention an entirely different group of people, I have been frustrated on several occasions because the DMing style I use with the old group doesn't elict the same reactions from the new group. Let me explain. Among the old group, we have all been gaming together for anywhere from 7 to 25 years. We are all guys. We joke constantly. The DM jokes about killing the players and the players joke about the DM being a rat bastard, but it's all in fun and everyone knows it, so we share a laugh together as old friends. When I use these same jokes with the new group, they fall flat--the players in the new group, friends of mine for less than two years, take me seriously. Some of them think I'm actually out to kill their characters, and an early TPK didn't help matters. Couple this with the fact that one of these newer players has played RPGs other than D&D for 20 years, with a very different playstyle that I can only sum up as "let the players win," and this makes for a situation I have never encountered. Some of them think I'm out to get them. They actually think my intent is to develop a world, work with them on their place in it, develop the story of the campaign--so I can whack them when they screw up and laugh about it. My relationships with these players isn't bad, though there have been misunderstandings and disagreements. But its as though they think that I think the point of the game is to kill PCs. I have directly addressed this issue with them on more than one occasion, explaining how I am a "simulationist" gamer and that's how I run my game, by letting the dice fall where they may and accepting the consequences as a new story twist. But I have been told that some players still feel I'm out to get them. I must confess, I am at a loss at this point. With the player in question, the one in the title of the thread, I am completely flummoxed. When asked if she was enjoying the game, she responded that she enjoys herself sometimes, but that she's so afraid that her character will die--in part because of the early TPK--that she finds it hard to immerse herself in the character and enjoy the roleplaying, because she doesn't want to get attached to a PC that could die at any time. Mind you, she's been playing this PC for a year now, with a couple of close calls but no deaths. I have tried to explain that in my view, adventuring brings great risks sometimes, but also great rewards, and that adventurers tend to be daring folk willing to take risks. I have asked her what I could do to make the game more fun for her, and her response was that I shouldn't change the way I run my game for her. She shows up every game day and plays, but there's this aura of gloom about her at the table that I feel is somehow my fault.It's not just her, though. The whole group suffers from a decision-making disorder at this point, so paralyzed with indecision because they don't want to make a wrong move and all die, that they took half an hour last session just to decide whether or not to pick a lock on a door. Nobody wants to be the person responsible for a party wipe, so nobody takes charge. Everyone offers an opinion, and the opinions float around like ballons, aimlessly, and they hash and rehash each decision until everyone is frustrated with the group's inability to be decisive. And as a DM, it's painful to watch. And somehow I have led them to this by simply letting the dice fall where they may.How can I encourage them to act decisively? How can I assure them that their characters aren't going to implode on contact with adventure? How can I challenge them without frightening them? How can I stay true to my DMing style without further alienating my players? Has anyone else had a similar DMing experience?</blockquote>

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