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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Agback" data-source="post: 2669307" data-attributes="member: 5328">Perhaps it couldn't. The guy doesn't sound like a good match for the group. In fact, his combination of giving wide offence and taking offence easily makes him sound pretty hard to place.  Well, I think that in general it is never a good idea to tell anyone that someone else has complained about them to you, especially if you go on to endorse the complaint by asking your interlocutor to adapt. It is best to leave out all references to the other people, and to speak as though you were telling the person, in confidence, your own opinions of how they could fit in better.If A complains to me about B, and I agree, and it is for some reason my responsibility to keep things running smoothly between them (eg. because I am the GM, or because I introduced B to the group and or otherwise gave the impression that he or she is my protégé), I go to B in private and say "I feel that perhaps you metagamed too much", or "I think you argued the toss when you ought to have accepted the GM's call", or "I don't think you ought to talk so much, especially off-topic, during other player's turns in combat", or "A seemed offended by your comments about the LDS. Three topics never discussed in the Mess!" or whatever. That way B is [apparently] able to talk through the complaints with his or her accuser, and is able to modify his or her behaviour with a good grace and without loss of face. If, on the other hand, I were to let B know that I was acting as the hammer on behalf of A he would feel humiliated and marginalised, doubly humiliated if he or she publicly submitted to A's requirements. It is a loss of status. Acting one way, a seem like B's friend trying to help him or her fit in. Acting the other, I seem like the group's front man, forcing him to submit.Oh, and if A complains to me about B and I don't agree, I tell A that I don't think it is a serious problem, and that if he or she wants A to change he or she had better tell A himself or herself, or learn to live with the problem.</blockquote>

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