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Message: <blockquote data-quote="ragboy" data-source="post: 330918" data-attributes="member: 4151">Cedric, It looks like it's a good start, I just have a couple of comments: 1) The main character (I'm assuming it's Craenor) is interesting and I definitely want to know more about him. However, unless we're starting (and continuing) with him as a child, you should consider not using this as an opening scene. I'm not sure where you're going with the story, so I don't know if that comment helps. 2) Prologues, introductions and other such are usually to be avoided. They're often used as a buffer between the writer and the story (Like when you're not sure how to start the story), and they do little to give us, the readers, a good start. Your's is an example. The fight scene between the brothers, and subsequent narrative scenes, could be used to give us the information and character development you summarize in the second section of the Prologue. Start the story with the fight scene and fill in the back story as you go. When you give us the "lump of information" it breaks the flow of a very interesting narrative. 3) As someone else mentioned, watch your grammar, usage and spelling. Nothing kills the story more than wading through it, and it'll definitely make your manuscript look unprofessional. I'd suggest not putting an early draft up for review, but a draft as close to final as possible. Keep writing. Looking good so far.On another note: Where in Austin are ya? That's where I am as well.</blockquote>

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