Problem with mounts

[Wolfspirit]

I think that between two of my groups we've determined that there is no way to say "I mount my horse" without it sounding bad. "I jump on my horse and ride it"- even worse.

You can just keep going from there, to even worse things

Any ideas on something that can't be interpreted poorly?

 

[Jeremy]

Bedivere rides off.

Bedivere climbs into the saddle.

Bedivere spurs the noble warhorse forward.

Bedivere turns in the saddle and gives a flick of the reigns.

Try leaving the mounting unsaid, skip to the resulting action and leave the troublesome phrase implied without speaking it.

 

[Pillars of Hercules]

When a Paladin and his horse love each other very much...


Sorry Eric's Grandma, couldn't resist!

 

[Squire James]

Forget about coming up with alternate terms. The term is, "I mount my horse". How people take the expression is not your problem. If the term is used often enough, people will stop laughing at it. Some people will find a way to turn "fireball" into a sexual term...

Some behavior can be controlled in-game. While I am not so strict as to say every comment made by a player is in-character, I make it clear that the character IS acting somewhat LIKE how the player is acting. For instance, if a god is visiting a PC to convey important information, and some of the other players are joking about it (thus ruining what the DM probably considers a dramatic moment). The characters are heckling a god, and the god just might notice!

Usually, though, a simple "enough" will suffice.

 

[LostSoul]

Bedivere rides off.

Bedivere climbs into the saddle.

Bedivere spurs the noble warhorse forward.

Bedivere turns in the saddle and gives a flick of the reigns.

If you're already in an innuendo kind of mood, you could laugh at all of these.

 

[mzsylver]

If you're already in an innuendo kind of mood, you could laugh at all of these.

that's EXACTLY what i was thinking...

i think it's a lost cause.

 

[Bran Blackbyrd]

Some people will find a way to turn "fireball" into a sexual term...

Haha! This reminds me of how we used to make remarks about how the group's cleric of Pelor was constantly casting Searing Light...

fap fap fap

 

[hong]

I think that between two of my groups we've determined that there is no way to say "I mount my horse" without it sounding bad. "I jump on my horse and ride it"- even worse.

You can just keep going from there, to even worse things

Good, good.

Any ideas on something that can't be interpreted poorly?

Everything can be interpreted poorly. Some things just take a bit more work than others.

Speaking of which, a lot of the tame, uninteresting little messages you get in fortune cookies at Chinese restaurants can be improved immeasurably by adding the missing words "in bed" to the end.

For example:
Happiness is not perfect until it is shared in bed.
You will find much success and happiness in bed.
A woman's sword is her tongue, and she doesn't let it rust in bed.
There's a marvelous picture in your future in bed.
Anyone that dares to be, can always play with the kitty later in bed.

... and so on.

 

[Piratecat]

If you're already in an innuendo kind of mood, you could laugh at all of these.

Innuendo? I thought that was an Italian enema!

- Pirate "Rubber innertube? I barely know her!" Cat

 

[Finkin Swiftfingers]

Who ever has a chance to even ride their mounts? Our group never manages to keep our horses for more than half an adventure before they are killed, lost or stolen!