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Message: <blockquote data-quote="hardvice" data-source="post: 7697398" data-attributes="member: 6777838">Nobody is saying that. Not even a little. But at the end of the day, you don't experience being gay, in life or in RPGs.  So when you tell us how it "really" is for us, it comes across a bit condescending. We're speaking about our experiences. You're speaking about how you don't see the things we experience.  Well, you wouldn't, would you?  That doesn't make you a homophobe. It makes you a straight person.Crappy people aren't the point of this panel, or this discussion -- in fact, except in passing, the panel barely mentions homophobia. There's a whole wide world between overt homophobia and making people feel comfortable in the hobby. And there are a lot of issues with regards to LGBTQ people and gaming that have nothing to do with inclusiveness at the table. The comment you replied to attempted to give you perspective from my point of view about why I care about my sexual orientation (and my character's) at the game table, because it's probably not something you as a straight gamer have ever really had to think about. If I'm a GM, that's valuable information to have: what do my players hope to get out of this? Our culture is almost entirely made up of stories where straight people get to be the hero, so that's just not a need you would have any reason to experience, and therefore something you're unlikely to spend much time thinking about. But for a gay gamer, it might be an important part of the experience. You know how you find out if that's the case? By talking about it. And it's considered completely normal for straight people to talk about their families and their loved ones, so you've probably never had to think about whether anybody at the table will object to it. That affects my ability to be comfortable at the table, and thus my ability to roleplay my character, and thus my enjoyment of the game (and probably other people's as well -- because then I'm not contributing to the game as much as I should.) A table where nobody talks about such things may seem harmonious on the surface, but chances are someone at the table isn't feeling as welcome -- and as a result, isn't as open and invested -- as they should.There's a way to deal with that, of course: talking about it. The extent of that conversation is probably this: "my name's Ugbash.  I'm a barbarian from the Whispering Plains. My husband was the chief of our village, and I'm traveling seeking vengeance against the orcs that murdered him." "Hi, Ugbash."For a gay gamer, things are different. And it's OK to acknowledge and talk about those differences.  Nobody is pointing fingers or assigning blame.  But we can't really just pretend these differences don't exist.</blockquote>

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