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Respect for the DM?
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<blockquote data-quote="Oryan77" data-source="post: 4069943" data-attributes="member: 18701"><p>I've had players like this and I agree it is both frustrating and annoying. The only advice I truly feel will help solve this is, "Stop gaming with the person that acts like this and replace him with a new player." Not gaming with them was the only thing I was able to do to stop that from happening in our group. It worked great <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f61b.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":p" title="Stick out tongue :p" data-smilie="7"data-shortname=":p" /> </p><p></p><p>Some gamers are just babies. If you're the type of DM that can't deal with a baby player, then you can't play with that person because they'll never change.</p><p></p><p>I agree with a previous poster on this...it's hard to give advice without knowing if you really were fair with the ruling or if it was pretty half-assed. With 3e, I've learned to stay <strong>very</strong> close to the rules with very very little house rules. 3e gave birth to all kinds of new rules lawyers in D&D and it's just too hard to please everyone with custom rules. I had to learn to be a rules lawyer DM just to keep players from arguing with me during the game. 3e players are sticklers for the rules and that's just the way it is :\ </p><p></p><p>As a DM, we don't need to justify & explain in detail why we make the decisions we make. If we don't want something in the campaign, that should be the end of it. I'll always respect the player and consider allowing whatever they want and listen to their reasonings on having it, but if I then tell them no, I shouldn't be made to feel guilty. I had a player tell me I was "nerfing" his PC because I wouldn't allow him to start his new mid-level PC with a magic item that would help powergame his PC. If he started at lvl 1, I would never put that item in the game for that PC to have because I don't give treasure that will lead to a powergamed PC. Him telling me I nerfed his PC pissed me off because it's not nerfing when the PC never had it to begin with! If I felt like arguing with him, I would have told him he's trying to nerf my campaign world by making demands in order to powergame his PC. But instead of arguing....he got the boot <img src="http://www.enworld.org/forum/images/smilies/nervous.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":heh:" title="Nervous Laugh :heh:" data-shortname=":heh:" /> </p><p></p><p>A lot of players these days play like this. From what I've learned, a lot of these players are like this because they've had to play under DMs who are the same way. I've tried coaching these players so many times to trust me as a DM and stop acting like that, but it didn't help. It's really hard on a trustworthy DM because we look like jerks when we are DMing. One of these players actually thought I was indirectly insulting her while I roleplayed an A-hole NPC who was mouthing off to her. She thought I was being rude to her (while I was roleplaying) because she had gotten into a rules argument with me earlier in the session. I was thinking nothing of the sort and I really felt awful after the game when I put 2 & 2 together because she got extremely quiet the rest of the game & seemed depressed. The NPC had called her Minotaur PC "horribly ugly" along with other really harsh comments. It was all part of the scenario, but because her & her boyfriend were "player vs DM" types, I realized she must have thought I was taking my anger out on her. Maybe that's not why she got quiet, but I'm sure it was. They constantly accused me of doing things in-game in retaliation of what they did. They eventually left our group since our gaming styles were just so different.</p><p></p><p>Have you considered that maybe you are too hard on this player? Some players are very bad at survival and perform actions based on what they imagine from a movie. Sometimes they try to be more heroic than they should. Or sometimes they are just really bad in strategic combat. You can't DM every person the same. Some players need more hand holding, and some need to be hit upside the head sometimes. If the guy is dying a lot, it's a good sign that you should talk to him about it and help him figure out wtf is going on so he can improve next time. If he's being a bonehead, tell him that he needs to think his characters decisions through and stop being a bonehead. Idiots don't last long in life threatening situations....I don't care what Jar-Jar Binks says, he should've died within minutes of his first confrontation.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the life of the DM. From my experience, the <strong>only</strong> way to not feel like that is to have great players who can also be thought of as friends. I've gamed with so many different players that I can safely say it's pretty much impossible to actually change people & meld them into more appreciative and respectful players that will also work well with your playstyle. People don't really change and if you really want to get that right group, you gotta keep finding new players and weed the bad ones out until you have a full group of good players. </p><p></p><p>Heck, as you can see from my sig, I'm still trying to find that 4th "perfect" player <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f61b.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":p" title="Stick out tongue :p" data-smilie="7"data-shortname=":p" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Oryan77, post: 4069943, member: 18701"] I've had players like this and I agree it is both frustrating and annoying. The only advice I truly feel will help solve this is, "Stop gaming with the person that acts like this and replace him with a new player." Not gaming with them was the only thing I was able to do to stop that from happening in our group. It worked great :p Some gamers are just babies. If you're the type of DM that can't deal with a baby player, then you can't play with that person because they'll never change. I agree with a previous poster on this...it's hard to give advice without knowing if you really were fair with the ruling or if it was pretty half-assed. With 3e, I've learned to stay [b]very[/b] close to the rules with very very little house rules. 3e gave birth to all kinds of new rules lawyers in D&D and it's just too hard to please everyone with custom rules. I had to learn to be a rules lawyer DM just to keep players from arguing with me during the game. 3e players are sticklers for the rules and that's just the way it is :\ As a DM, we don't need to justify & explain in detail why we make the decisions we make. If we don't want something in the campaign, that should be the end of it. I'll always respect the player and consider allowing whatever they want and listen to their reasonings on having it, but if I then tell them no, I shouldn't be made to feel guilty. I had a player tell me I was "nerfing" his PC because I wouldn't allow him to start his new mid-level PC with a magic item that would help powergame his PC. If he started at lvl 1, I would never put that item in the game for that PC to have because I don't give treasure that will lead to a powergamed PC. Him telling me I nerfed his PC pissed me off because it's not nerfing when the PC never had it to begin with! If I felt like arguing with him, I would have told him he's trying to nerf my campaign world by making demands in order to powergame his PC. But instead of arguing....he got the boot :heh: A lot of players these days play like this. From what I've learned, a lot of these players are like this because they've had to play under DMs who are the same way. I've tried coaching these players so many times to trust me as a DM and stop acting like that, but it didn't help. It's really hard on a trustworthy DM because we look like jerks when we are DMing. One of these players actually thought I was indirectly insulting her while I roleplayed an A-hole NPC who was mouthing off to her. She thought I was being rude to her (while I was roleplaying) because she had gotten into a rules argument with me earlier in the session. I was thinking nothing of the sort and I really felt awful after the game when I put 2 & 2 together because she got extremely quiet the rest of the game & seemed depressed. The NPC had called her Minotaur PC "horribly ugly" along with other really harsh comments. It was all part of the scenario, but because her & her boyfriend were "player vs DM" types, I realized she must have thought I was taking my anger out on her. Maybe that's not why she got quiet, but I'm sure it was. They constantly accused me of doing things in-game in retaliation of what they did. They eventually left our group since our gaming styles were just so different. Have you considered that maybe you are too hard on this player? Some players are very bad at survival and perform actions based on what they imagine from a movie. Sometimes they try to be more heroic than they should. Or sometimes they are just really bad in strategic combat. You can't DM every person the same. Some players need more hand holding, and some need to be hit upside the head sometimes. If the guy is dying a lot, it's a good sign that you should talk to him about it and help him figure out wtf is going on so he can improve next time. If he's being a bonehead, tell him that he needs to think his characters decisions through and stop being a bonehead. Idiots don't last long in life threatening situations....I don't care what Jar-Jar Binks says, he should've died within minutes of his first confrontation. Welcome to the life of the DM. From my experience, the [b]only[/b] way to not feel like that is to have great players who can also be thought of as friends. I've gamed with so many different players that I can safely say it's pretty much impossible to actually change people & meld them into more appreciative and respectful players that will also work well with your playstyle. People don't really change and if you really want to get that right group, you gotta keep finding new players and weed the bad ones out until you have a full group of good players. Heck, as you can see from my sig, I'm still trying to find that 4th "perfect" player :p [/QUOTE]
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