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<blockquote data-quote="Umbran" data-source="post: 7825073" data-attributes="member: 177">We should note two things here:1)&nbsp; The idea is that if someone invokes the card, they do not have to clarify why.&nbsp; They CAN, though.&nbsp; They are allowed to do so, if they feel okay about it&nbsp; Often, it will be clear in context what they are reacting to.&nbsp; Other times, they may well give you some basics, like your player with the cards did.&nbsp; The point is that they are not obligated to do so; that as the person in distress it is their choice, not yours. The less a big deal you make of it, the more easygoing you are about it, the more comfortable you'll make the player, and the more likely you will be to get more information.&nbsp; The X-card isn't intended as the first line of defense for folks who have a problem.&nbsp; It is, instead, one of the last.&nbsp; So, we are talking about the case where someone has fallen through the cracks on other measures, and the issue is so distressing or personal that they don't want to discuss it.&nbsp; This isn't going to happen to you every game.&nbsp; It is, quite frankly, an edge case.&nbsp; And the failure mode is, oops, your game doesn't go as well as you wanted.&nbsp; The world is not ending for that.2) No tool is perfect, and nobody claims the X-card cures all ills - if you read the works from some of the early proponents of its use, they were clear that it is not a panacea or silver bullet, nor a replacement for a conversation before play, and so on.&nbsp; The fact of the matter is that if a person has trauma impinging on their lives... perfection really isn't a possibility!&nbsp; If you happen to trigger someone's phobia, it isn't like you can't make it un-happen.&nbsp; You can, at best, dodge the worst of it at the last moment.So, yes, maybe you'll not have as much information as you want.&nbsp; Have you not caught on that, in this situation, you're the one who is in good shape?&nbsp; The person who has invoked the card is in a seriously bad place.&nbsp; Yes, you're being asked to muddle through a bit, because hopefully you are in a reasonable position to be able to take on that extra labor - they aren't.&nbsp; You've got spoons, they don't.&nbsp; Maybe the fact that they can't just give you more spoons... shouldn't be your major concern.&quot;Decent&quot; is not equivalent to &quot;sensitive&quot;.&nbsp; Being a basically good person does not naturally give you the skills and understanding to note the emotional states of others.&nbsp; You can be insensitive by not caring, or by obliviousness or ignorance.And, &quot;we are better than we used to be&quot; doesn't actually mean, &quot;We are good now.&quot;</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Umbran, post: 7825073, member: 177"] We should note two things here: 1) The idea is that if someone invokes the card, they do not have to clarify why. They [I]CAN[/I], though. They are allowed to do so, if they feel okay about it Often, it will be clear in context what they are reacting to. Other times, they may well give you some basics, like your player with the cards did. The point is that they are not [I]obligated[/I] to do so; that as the person in distress it is their choice, not yours. The less a big deal you make of it, the more easygoing you are about it, the more comfortable you'll make the player, and the more likely you will be to get more information. The X-card isn't intended as the first line of defense for folks who have a problem. It is, instead, one of the last. So, we are talking about the case where someone has fallen through the cracks on other measures, [I]and[/I] the issue is so distressing or personal that they don't want to discuss it. This isn't going to happen to you every game. It is, quite frankly, an edge case. And the failure mode is, oops, your game doesn't go as well as you wanted. The world is not ending for that. 2) No tool is perfect, and nobody claims the X-card cures all ills - if you read the works from some of the early proponents of its use, they were clear that it is not a panacea or silver bullet, nor a replacement for a conversation before play, and so on. The fact of the matter is that if a person has trauma impinging on their lives... perfection really isn't a possibility! If you happen to trigger someone's phobia, it isn't like you can't make it un-happen. You can, at best, dodge the worst of it at the last moment. So, yes, maybe you'll not have as much information as you want. Have you not caught on that, in this situation, [I]you're the one who is in good shape[/I]? The person who has invoked the card is in a seriously bad place. Yes, you're being asked to muddle through a bit, because hopefully you are in a reasonable position to be able to take on that extra labor - they aren't. You've got spoons, they don't. Maybe the fact that they can't just give you more spoons... shouldn't be your major concern. "Decent" is not equivalent to "sensitive". Being a basically good person does not naturally give you the skills and understanding to note the emotional states of others. You can be insensitive by not caring, or by obliviousness or ignorance. And, "we are better than we used to be" doesn't actually mean, "We are good now." [/QUOTE]

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