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Message: <blockquote data-quote="Loincloth of Armour" data-source="post: 2597256" data-attributes="member: 28201">A very good read Lazybones.  I'm really glad I stopped in to read this thing.Some points I think must be raised to mention here however:While the ending was fine, it was too abrupt.  There much was set-up, assending action, and climax, but there was no falling action, nor an epilogue.Unlike gaming sessions, fiction needs a winding down to wrap things up.  A post combat episode where things return to normal, or seeds laid for the next trouble.  <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Dannel visiting Zenna's grave.</li> </ul> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Cal and Mole discussing how they have changed over their time together.</li> </ul> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Beorna holding a wake for Jenya.</li> </ul> <ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul">Dana in more distress over her husband's death and still lack of soul.</li> </ul>Without these wrap-ups, the ending comes across like speeding into a castle wall.Another point, definately raised by others, is that near the end the Heroes of Cauldron had been completely overshadowed by the old gang.  Once Zenna was dead and her body found, Dannel really didn't do much for the party.  He ceased to be a PC and became and NPC henchman.  Mole had her schitck, but only rarely rose above that level (her conversation after she had died was good however).  Arun and Beorna at least had each other (and the constant pleas for those who wanted to see the paladin die) so they maintained an interest and a purpose in the story.  To be honset, Dannel, Mole, (and while not part of the Heroes, Lok as well), didn't do much for their roles.  If you continue on with their adventures (and I think you will, after all someone's soul needs saving), give them something to focus on, some goal beyond just making it through the next battle.  Give them something to make them hate, something they fear, something to love.  Force them to be more than another attacking body.Your fight scenes are well crafted, and certainly follow the cut-and-flow of a standard DnD combat.  As that is what most are coming for, I think you provide quite well.</blockquote>

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